Thundering through the desert being chased by a pack of wild dogs. We had been riding along the edge of the desert where it meets the lush growth from the Nile. When a pack of about twenty dogs broke out of the vegetation, wild or feral, who knows, the horses were walking, our guide shouted, and started his horse into a gallop, mine leaped forward from walking to a gallop and I looked behind at my friend Pete, luckily his horse followed suit as he had never ridden before, I saw him grip the saddle with his hands. The dogs were running towards us at a tangent, the nearest were almost on top of us and leaped at our legs saliva dripping from their jaws, trying to pull us from the horses. We headed out into the rolling dunes of the Sahara thundering on, with the pack chasing, Pete swearing and my laughter mixing with the thundering of the horses and the snarling of the dogs, laughing with the exhilaration, joy and pure pleasure of existence…

A photograph from that ride, desert crossing, I am on the middle shadow of horse and rider taking the photograph, our guides horse in front and my friends behind. Taken after we had been chased by a pack of wild dogs through the desert. A photograph with text, both the text and photograph is by myself, it is a photograph, a lightbox, and an art installation; with the image projected onto a wall, the text, sand on the floor of the space it is shown in and the sound of the desert wind. This was the first art installation I made, why maybe it is the on the page first.

The text;

‘There is a particular kind of beauty travelling in a sand desert for, grain by grain, the wind and sand obliterate all signs of your passing.’

Russell Hand © ®

The art piece is about crossing the desert, the piece is about photography, the piece is photographic theory, the piece is about life.

This is a part from a series of stories I am writing, or attempting too, a book of my travels, when after being at art school for a year, the Chelsea school of Art. I left and flew to meet a friend, Pete I had known from school who was already travelling around the Mediterranean, I left London with £100 and a one-way flight ticket, and the best part of a year later we were in Egypt. Well and other stories from my life… for I apparently have lead a life less ordinary. I have known, artists, actors, film stars, writers, poets, pop stars, fashion designers, cultural theorists, fashion models, musicians, contemporary dancers, I suppose for want of a better word, the aristocracy at times etc… The list goes on… And maybe I should add, and most importantly, people with beautiful hearts and minds. Looking back I was very lucky to be able to travel round the Mediterranean with a friend and the places and people we met, luck, personality, good intentions towards others, which meant it was reciprocated by those we met. We met a lot of good people, with good minds.

My art website russellhand.com

Even when I was at school I wondered what made so many people unhappy or even miserable. How to make the world a better place. I thought art could help, I still do. As thought, education and knowledge can. Then… “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ― Bertrand Russell

Since I can remember, since at least 5 years old I have always been curious and interested in ideas, thought, knowledge, art, history, truth, ecology, science, not gossip lies opinion ego, unfortunately many people are not like this.

A link to my book on iBooks, more books to follow; My poetry iBook

My photography book on iBooks; My photography iBook

Link to my artists book in The Tate special archive of artists books. The Tate is the national museum for historic and contemporary art in the UK. My artist book as in made by the artist me, and is so I have been told a work of art in itself. Artists that I have exhibited with Damien Hirst, Banksy etc, do not have their artists books in The Tate special archive:

 My artists book

My photography ibook includes a number of shots from when I was travelling/backpacking that first time with a friend around the Mediterranean, plus lots of my other photographs.

My other websites;

Photography & Thought http://photographer.russellhand.com

Thundering 2 http://artist.russellhand.com

https://russellhand.life

New Instagram

My original blog in 2015, though edited down to minimum and rhen did the others;

https://russellhandartist.wordpress.com

More iBooks to come

This is my FaceBook, though I do not add people, in fact I deleted most of the people on there. Also as some people seem to doubt I am the same person on there as the artist that has their artist book in The Tate special archive of artists books, as I do and am.

FaceBook

The stories will hopefully be written and convey the incredible poetry of travelling, as well as the other things I will write, the poetry, that beauty of existence and being in the world. Though the stories of mine and Pete my friends, travels, as well as the other stories are all true. I want to write in some other way than a purely documentary style, if the skills I posses can convey my wonder, whether it be of thundering through the desert being chased by a pack of wild dogs, feeling the pounding of the horses heart, the breath sounding like a bellows at a smiths forge, the sand flying up, the dogs snarling and snapping, my laughter, or whether it be about the desert stars, the motion of the ships on the sea with salt spray lashing our faces, the light reflected through a pane of glass, or dust motes swirling like constellations in sunlight, conversations by sun or starlight, the laughter; that laughter of the pure joy, the merriment of the moment, the laughter of existence and being, the laughter as the desert wind kisses ones skin as it brushes past… The poetry of some of the most beautiful islands in the world, ancient cities, and seas of sand, the welcomes we received from people as we travelled packs on our backs, exploring and seeing the world we travelled through and live in. A world that can break your heart with the beauty and tragedy of life and then remake it whole once more, beating strong and true…

The text of ‘The Angel Of History’, as again I am not sure how easy it will be to read from the image;

The Angel Of History

The angel of history flies backwards…
from the future to the past,
always facing the future,
and has seen all the devastation of the world,
but is silent mute unable to speak.
Silent forgotten speeding through time,
with the tears of Eros running down its cheeks,
Thrashing in its and the worlds pain,
trying to blind itself but unable,
and has neither the solace of love or sleep,
for sweet love and sweet sleep cannot touch it,
As time cannot… the only sustenance it receives,
are those few moments of mankind’s creations,
of art, love, beauty, thought and dreams,
for even dreams it is not allowed,
just an eternity of seeing.
Forever sailing through the winds and storms of time…

11th March 2011 © ® Russell Hand Artist

The poetic text or poetry, references, a painting by Paul Klee, writing by Walter Benjamin, a book by Georges Bataille, references no more, well plus a few other things.

I will not be putting too much of my poetic text on here and might be removing some as my poetry book is now out on iBooks

EARTH from Michael König on Vimeo.

Earth beautiful to see from space and also beautiful to wander and wonder in.

Earth is a very small planet on the outer edge of a galaxy, the milky way on a spiral arm. Hurtling through space. At the moment relatively lush and green and blue with oceans, all this can change with a few things happening and tun Earth into a barren rock hurtling through space or a best one virtually depopulated of indigenous species including homo sapiens.

Though this might seem like unusual start and is many years later than the true stories of mine and Pete’s travels, though a different Pete to my other friend that killed himself. It is one of the tragedies of life, a tempering of existence, then maybe something of beauty, though this was years after I travelled round the Mediterranean with my friend backpacking.

In my second year at art school I was sitting in a bar in Camden with a friend, Pete, the same one I backpacked with, sharing a table with a woman and man we didn’t know, I ended up in a long conversation with the woman. How long I am not sure, she was a musician, we were talking about art, music and many other things. Eventually I said to her, should I know who you are, I never know who I am talking to most of the time, she replied you might know of me and said her name, Neneh Cherry, at the time she was one of the most famous pop stars in Britain and maybe the world I don’t know, but it made me laugh at the time, her too, and still does now, because she was extremely nice, rather easy on the eye, and wonderful to talk to, me and my friend left the bar and I never saw her again, though I already knew her music and had some ‘Rip Rig and Panic’ ‘The Slits’ and ‘The New Age Steppers’. She probably forgot the conversation in a bar in Camden with me soon after she left, though I remembered, because she was so unassuming and charming. I have had many conversations like that before and many more since in life. Why who knows. I rarely speak of them, though it was one of those beautiful moments in life; talking to a lovely sophisticated talented women whose music I also liked. Peter H I went travelling with was the person I was in the bar in Camden with when this happened.

I am an artist, I make art installations, I am a sculptor, I am a painter, I work with video, film, sound, image, text, I write, I write theory, I write what I call poetic text and some call poetry, though even my poetic text or poetry is also theory or one might prefer philosophy or has a philosophical content, then does not all good art in whatever medium. I can also throw pots, and build and model in clay, plaster, make glaze, which helped with some early ceramic sculptures I made. I can etch, lino-cut, block print, and also can silkscreen all printing techniques, though have not done any of these for sometime. My art, I have been told is visual philosophy. I am also a photographer. I am or have been and might again be a fashion photographer, I have worked with some of the biggest and best fashion modelling agencies in the the world, as, so they said they liked me and loved my fashion photography. Strangely enough even as a fashion photographer some seemed to think I might be potentially one of the great fashion photographers. An old friend of Helmut Newton’s, who was also the fashion stylist for some of his books, after seeing my 5th fashion shoot asked me to contribute, shoot for his magazine, which he owned at the time though sold and I think it changed quite a lot. Which at the time he asked me to shoot for it, had Ellen Von Unwerth, Karl Lagerfeld among others contributing and shooting for it. All the others who shot for the magazine when I searched, were shooting campaigns for Prada, Gucci, all the major French and Italian fashion houses. The fashion magazine was called Above Magazine a large independent biannual magazine, more like a book. Though he sold it before I was able to shot for it. My first proper job when I left school which I did at 16, was as a trainee graphic designer and illustrator in a large commercial design studio in London. Though I left on the advice of designers at the design company to return to education as they thought with my talents I should go to art school and study art painting etc.

This is the title image from the book on my art, writing and photography. It shows the head component from my multi-component art installation, 6 sculpture components in all, ‘Smiths Empire’. It is called Smiths Empire, because Smith is an everyman name, alias Smith and Jones, Smiths Empire is about all men, but fragments; parts from everyman . The books second part of the title is; As we struggle to language; fragments. For we are all incomplete whatever to the contrary we might think, believe or assert, we all have fault lines running through our being, to varying degrees. Jones Empire is the female version. The book that is in The Tate special archive of artists books along with Barbara Hepworth and many other of the most famous artists in history. My Artist book

After living in Amsterdam, which I did because I needed a break from London and because I love contemporary dance. On my return one of the first things I decided to do was drop into the ICA (Institute of Contemporary Art) and see if anyone was around I knew. It was 1998 I put on my Goldie bronze silk and linen suit drove into to the centre. London it seemed a nice way to return and I was looking for a distraction from thinking about Amsterdam and Paula’s visit and how many times over a few years we had broken up and got back together. So the ICA I arrived and headed straight for the bar up the stairs to the mezzanine. Got to the bar not having looked around and as was normal waited my turn to be served. ‘Bump’ someone bumped quite heavily into my shoulder, I turned and said sorry,  I was standing still when it happened. As I turned and said sorry I was looking into the most amazing huge blue luminous eyes and a blinding white smile. I was quite stunned, my sorry was met with a dazzling reply from those blue eyes and smile. The barman has just placed my drink and I turned to pay picked my drink up and found a free table to sit at by the windows, though the seats faced into the bar. All I could think was ‘fuck another beautiful woman’. I had not wanted to think about Paula, though I had been tempted to call her and let her know I was back in London, I was hoping to see some arts friends with good conversation and laughter. Then the shock of another beautiful woman literally bumping into me. So I was looking around the bar to see if there was anyone I knew. The blonde who I had bumped with at the the bar was smiling over at me, then waved. I just kept thinking ‘fuck’. Well I never or hardly ever go from one relationship to another, I usually want some me time to recover. I looked around again and yes the gorgeous blonde was still chilling and waving she had also started bouncy up and down in her sit. She was across the bar seated by the stairs facing towards me, now those seats as I recently discovered have been replaced with a stand with draws and crisps. I looked either side to see if I was mistaken that she was smiling and waving at someone else other than me. There was a woman seated to my right on the next table. She saw me look around and said you know that beautiful blonde who bumped into you at the bar, and yes she is smiling and waving at you, do you know who she is. I said, ‘No’ she started laughing and said how can you not know who she is. I said why should I. She said it is Emma Bunton. Me who ?. Baby Spice. I am looking confused. She laughs again and says The Spice Girls. Finally the penny drops. I am thinking fucking hell, one of the most famous women on the planet shit. I realise most would not understand my reaction, or not how I was thinking it. I had run across rock and pop stars before it was not because she was famous or rather it was but I was not thinking of it as positive thing. I had or was coming out of a relationship with a beautiful woman that was a tv producer. Now another woman that is not only beautiful but world famous. Sometimes my life seems cursed nothing is ordinary or goes the way most peoples lives seem to. Don’t get me wrong I never grew up wanting an ordinary life, but a relationship with a woman I find attractive, is intelligent with hopefully a great personality and a beautiful heart. Most would say I expect a lot; but then at least 70% of women I meet are that. But no I now have a woman smiling and waving at me that probably fits that but she is a world famous pop star to boot. O shit. I ask the woman on the next table what is Baby Spice doing here, she tells me there is a private party upstairs for EMI records but a lot came down to the bar as it seemed more fun. I said yes I have been to a few private parties up in the rooms myself, another story. Baby Spice is talking to the people she is with and still looking over smiling bouncy and waving. My insanity I am trying to ignore her, it was not I did not find her attractive of course I did, she was arts and media my kind of thing, she was so much my kind of woman it scares me. I hardly ever get scared but she was and is world famous, which I knew from a few people I had met in the past who were, no peace, going out anywhere press photographers. She had got up with a male friend and was still looking over and smiling. Gradually though not to obviously moving in my direction. The woman on the table next to me said something about what she was seeing happening. Baby Spice was about 2 meters away by now. I dropped my head in my hands and said to myself ‘fuck’ not the most flattering reaction she might have expected but it was a serious head fuck for me. I looked up into those eyes and that smile, downed my drink looked at her and shrugged and started walking away. I looked back over my shoulder as I walked away and I  saw she had her head against the mans shoulder she had come towards me with. A friend I presume. I am not sure but she, Baby Spice might have been crying as I left. I was feeling like shit as I might have made this wonderful woman cry. I left the ICA, found a phone box, called Paula and went round to see her, the last time we ever made love. The following day I checked and unless Baby Spice has a doppleganger it was her a stunningly beautiful 22 year old at the time, me not much older really. Though stressed after our brief encounter and feeling shit and like I should have probably talked to her… She would not have a clue who I am but might remember that evening in the ICA at a n EMI record party as I can not imagine she has hit that hard on many men. Me I might not believe it if it had not happened to me but then my life it was maybe slightly more extreme but not that unusual. By that I do not mean world famous beautiful popstars, but beautiful women… I often think as many men have told me that time is over but I still talk to beautiful intelligent women, and did recently to one who was much more my kind of woman than a world famous popstar or a fashion model just below super model status tat I once got invited to the supermarket with to go shopping. And this is now 2017, though she was older than 22, over 28 and one of my favourite ages for a woman and of course arts and media. Maybe if anyone ever reads this they might wonder why arts and media, well if you ever meet me you will realise how much I love talking, listening and conversations in general, so commonality some same interests to talk about, though most pretty women or women that think they are beautiful do not seem to think much of me, stunningly beautiful women or some do, even if we have not spoken. Then if they speak to me everything gets crazier and more intense…

Middlesex University, old Hornsey school of art;

A woman who isn’t at art school often, she is in the year above me, though we usually talk when she is, every time we talk she lights up like a Christmas tree, or maybe she glows from inside, I might light up myself, though I can’t see myself. We talk of many different things. I know she sings on peoples tracks on their releases she has told me. She is seeing someone though, someone I like. A really nice guy that many of the women think looks like an archetypal Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. Then one day he sits down in the canteen with me and starts telling me they have broken up, and he doesn’t know why, he thought they were going well. The next time I see her and talk she is going out with someone else I know, really like, and I think is cool. Though still whenever we talk the lights go on. Though she did make somethings plain to me on at least one occasion. The last time I saw and spoke to her was our years final show. Someone had bought me a CD, and she was singing on one of the tracks. I talk to her and usual thing, I tell her I heard her singing on the CD and that she has a beautiful voice and sings like an angel. We talk some more and she goes off. My friends overhear us and lets say abuse me. I turn round and say, because as far as I know that is the situation. That she is still seeing the guy, the guy I know and breaking up someones relationship, I think, is not a good way to start one. Though later I am not sure if they were still in a relationship, even when she made somethings very clear, they might have been friends by then, but she didn’t say. And then I didn’t know how to contact her. Then years on she became one of the biggest pop stars in the world, I say pop, I am not sure of the genre. And I believe I did see her headline somewhere saying, that she was one of the sexiest women on the planet, or asking if she was the sexiest woman on the planet. Alison Goldfrapp. I tried to contact her a few times, difficult. Then on a fashion shoot, the hairstylist and I are chatting, not unusual when you are the photographer, and we find out we both know her. She is her hairstylist. So I ask her to say hello. I tell one of my friends from art school and he pulls a face. I get a reply. He asks what it is. I tell him, “Yes I know him, what does he want.” My friend turns round and ask me what I did. I shrug and say nothing. He pulls another face and says I am surprised she replied, even if she does remember you, what did you expect her to be jumping up and down and asking to see you. I shrug and say sort of, I thought her reply sounded more like a what does he want now, disinterest. He just looked at me, and asked what did you want. I said something like, a drink, a conversation, to have a connection like that with someone, even in the past, I thought if nothing else we could be friends. I always did miss talking to her. And might have messed up by not asking her out in the past…

Alison when I knew her singing ‘Pumpkin’ a track on Tricky’s first CD Maxinquaye

Pete H my friend I backpacked with the first time I travelled round the Mediterranean sea; in the Sahara desert with a pyramid at Saqqara, Egypt in the background after we had be chased by a pack of wild dogs in the desert. Many more of my travel photographs from the first time I backpacked round the Mediterranean and many since through time of travelling and other kinds of photographs can be found in my photography book. 

Another shot Mykonos the first time I backpacked round the Mediterranean with my friend Pete. Pete, the Swedish couple, 2 English women and myself, who was taking the photo I could not say, but taken with Pete’s camera why we have the image.

A different world back then, no mobile phones, no internet, when you travelled you had to book an international phone call at a telephone exchange. Postcards arrived months later or maybe not at all. No bucket lists, people just wandering around enjoying life and each others company. Long before the invasion of the arseholes in some of the most beautiful places on earth, and the selfie…  No I am not looking back with rose tinted glasses, just went places that had good people with good minds, and arseholes were not welcome… Lot less of those places these days, the news got out…

On Arielle de Lacy or Ava de Lacy or Gemma Lacey or whatever name she uses now. One of the many things she told, though most were lies. One thing she swore was true and she really meant her mother as she told me was a nasty lying fat old Welsh Indian Hindu ugly old bag that was a revolting human being and her father was worse a black english Nigerian piece of shit that beat his own son her brother which is why he was glad to leave home so Arielle said. In fact a few other people have told me since what trash both her mother and father were and how her mother was a lying bigoted gossip who got other Hindu women to do the same and were the same trash. Then since both were Arielle’s etc parents and genetics will out she is the same kind of lying trash as them whatever her psychological problems are it is not an excuse. Then 1 in 35 people are psychopaths with at least 10% of them lying vindictive and nasty as with Arielle. Which does make one think how many of these kinds of women have hit on me. At least a few down in Spain and other places that then lied bout me. Then Indian women old bags or Hindu old bags or Black old bags or white old bags or Muslim old bags as Arielle would say, lying gossiping old bag are just that and no better than lying gossiping men all trash and not fit to exist in the future. Not quite what I was use to growing up from the examples my parents set. Then my sister Janet and also my brother Richard’s partner Farrah and him would have fitted in well with this kind of trash trash. Richard and Farha never bothered once to go and see my mother when she lived in Spain but expected to inherit what my father left and had problems with my mother spending her own money to have a quality life rather than saving it all for them.Why my mother always insisted I did things for her and only ever trusted me in my family. As no matter how well she loved her children she was not blind to what they are like. I did meet Arielle’s mother and she was obnoxious and rather repulsive to put it mildly.

I need to restore this as most of it is gone again… Hacked or messed up. There should be a lot more here though originally it was supposed to be about my travels when I was younger there was a number of other things and lots of other pages not just this post. It was originally about the pleasure of existence the amazing journey we are all on the beauty of being.

Have you ever heard someone say “Errr no I am not white, I may look white but no I am not my parents…” There all these people trying to prove they are not racist, white people, and think they are friends with people who are not white and being caring and compassionate and promoting them and letting them into their countries and so many people currently hate white people. And I do mean hate. People talk about people being anti-Semitic and hate jews, which yes nearly every none white person I speak to does, and also a fair number of white people. But do these white people realise how much non people hate them. And then turn around and use white people racist to justify their appalling behaviour hatred and criminality. Of course racism makes people turn to crime, no an excuse. I have met many people in my life including unfortunately some rather nasty criminals. People talk to me wether I want them to or not and they even brag about things to me. Now most criminals are extremely stupid, below average intelligence and violent. Even ones that are supposed to be the bosses criminal masterminds are of average intelligence or just above and also extremely violent. Though they might just order other people to do the violence in most cases. I was even at school with some people that thought they were dangerous criminals and became them and they were ‘thick as shit’ and violent in general. So when I hear someone say they were criminals because of racism or they come from a poor background translate that to mean they were shit at school and or they realised that rather than working at anything worthwhile it was easier to make money being a criminal. You do get educated people that become criminals often trained as solicitors lawyers and barristers, they realise they can make more money through crime, though being a solicitor barrister or even a doctor etc does not mean you are intelligent, it just means you are good at memorising things, memory is storage and recovery of information not intelligence. It amazes me how many people do not understand the difference. The easiest way is maybe thinking about computers and hard drives, computers are much better than people at storing information and recovering it but are not intelligent. But can seem to be, like people that memorise lots of things and can regurgitate lots of information or just snippets and people seem to think they are intelligent. Same if you say look at doctors solicitors and barristers, why some are really good at what they do and most are average or bad, the good ones tend to be the far more intelligent ones rather than the ones that just memorise information. It is why at the moment algorithms can often diagnosed and with robotic help even operate better than doctors. When I was in school I was in virtually in every top group in every subject and I soon realised that most people did not understand the subjects even in those classes, they memorised formulas or other types of information and then regurgitated it. In fact with my mathematics, math class at school I was in the top group / class and also the best at math in it and a number of my fellow pupils use to ask me what the teacher was talking about as they did not understand and I had to try and translate it for them so they could understand it. Basically break a complex and complicated idea down into much more simplistic ideas and units so they could understand it. Coming back to criminals a story from when I use to have my art studio in Hoxton, London. A couple ask me for a drink he was English she was Russian and we had a drink locally in Hoxton. They seem to really like me why they invited me for a drink they were mid 20’s, Russian woman was well above average aesthetically and the man was nice. The Russian woman told me she was a trained solicitor, which she found OK but was not really a passion. She then told me she became one because her father wanted her too. As apparently he was part of the Russian mafia, boss Russian mafia, and extremely rich and wanted his daughter to become a solicitor and go on to become a barrister for 2 reasons. One so she was not part of his business and 2 in case she eventually took it over if he needed her too. True story, I found it funny at the time, but it is not really funny. Also you could swap Russian woman for Indian, Muslim, Italian, Chinese etc basically any race and swop gender as well. Instead of woman swap for man. In fact in a number of families I have met one will be a criminal, one with be in the police and one will be in the legal profession lawyer solicitor barrister, brothers sisters cousins etc. The thing is with the women especially if they are attractive nobody thinks they would also be criminals, or so they have told me. And of course especially if they are not white, wether or not the come from poor or rich families they will say racism turned them and the people that worked for them into criminals. They actually find it funny how easy it is to blame everything on racism or the other they love is sexism. As they have told me the easiest ‘get out of jail free cards’ to use. The other one is they come from poor rough countries neighbourhoods or places and it made them do it. You could ask why people tell me these things, well I would be interested to know too. I have asked asked some of the more intelligent ones, and they have told me because they like me and think I am cool. It is not that I am unsympathetic to people that have suffered racism etc because people or other people. But I know when people start claiming racism against them made them do it I know from experience it is a crock of shit. Also looking at statistics, because most people from deprived or non white backgrounds do not become career criminals. It is because they are not very intelligent or because it is easy or easier than working, also because they have quite basic psychologically and often have a lot of hatred and violence inside them both males and females. The Russian women was attractive charming and did seem intelligent neither was she filled with hatred and violence and actually told me see wanted nothing to do with her fathers ‘business’. But then also told me her and her English husband did use to go and stay in her father properties in different countries for holidays. I have never particularly liked criminals as I found them nasty unintelligent and violent among other things not really my thing. This part is new as while I have restored some of the old parts that ‘disappeared’ I am also mixing new parts into it. Though I really need to read it all through and restore it enough so people and for me I understand why people started calling out to me ‘Odysseus’ on a Greek island.

Then one has to question where people’s loyalties lay. To they country they live in, to a religion or to a race. It was something a muslim who was born in the UK mentioned to me recently about loyalty, one educated in the sciences originally. An aeronautical engineer, as they did were dubious that many people even those born did not have as their first loyalty as this country. Since things are not supposed to be about race or religion it was amazing how many fireworks went off in the area of London when Sunak was made Prime Minister an Indian and a Hindu. The area of London I am in has a large Indian Hindu population, then the celebration in India about it as well. I have not been impressed with any of the Prime Ministers over the last 10 years or so nor their policies. All Conservative Prime Ministers and governments and how many have there been. Though not too surprising since they all seem to be various types of incompetents and shysters with a total disregard for what is good for the UK or its population or in fact the EU Europe or the world. And Sunak does not have a good record or in fact a trustworthy one, and if he is the best the conservatives can now come up with that is an even worse reflection on them. I also saw that there is the idea about better relations including trade with India because Sunak is now Prime Minister which one also has to wonder why that should be the case. Is it Sunak’s wife and her father an Indian billionaire, though she never paid tax in the UK, which since Sunak was at one time Chancellor of the Exchequer and Sunak’s wife is worth over £600 million does not bode well. Just a little hiccup of course. Does that not through up the question about race and religion again. But even putting that aside The EU is one of the richest and largest trading blocks in the world and being part of Europe and part of the European cultural history why was that destroyed by the Conservatives and Britains membership of it. I am not religious and come out of the ideas and ideals of the European Enlightenment and its evolution and am travelled world educated and cosmopolitan. But does a Indian Hindu really represent the UK when the vast majority of the UK population is white and of them many are Christian ? Also I cannot remember seeing headlines stating white christian prime minister about any UK prime minister in many years or ever in the news. In fact one of the ideas of The European Enlightenment is the separation of the state and religion. Then I was surprised that the major of London was a practising Muslim, just he represent the general population of London, which is mostly white and comes from a christian Enlightenment heritage. I do seem to mentioning race as well as religion quite a bit not something I would have been talking about until more recently because of certain events which included me being harassed and attacked over lies I am still finding out about. Then looking at the wider events and seeing that anyone saying anything about race and religion that is white is being called racist and accused of racism where as anyone non white apparently can not only talk about race and religion but not be racist but then also call a white person racist at the drop of a hat. Apart from anything else race and religion are separate ideas though a lot of people seem to confuse that for their own agendas. This seems to be the start of a power struggle for power and control within the UK but also Europe and not just confined to politics but media arts and business. I read an article a while ago extolling the virtues of Mary Whitehouse her ideas of morality and her being a visionary, I was surprised because it was in The Guardian Newspaper. Mary Whitehouse was extremely conservative in her views her idea of morals in many cases were rather dubious and she was a bigot and not the kind of person you would expect to be written about in The Guardian Newspaper with praise. Then when I got to the end of the it going by the name of the person writing the article appears to be a Muslim woman. This not an isolated incident in UK media, not about Mary Whitehouse but about ultra conservative views. Especially when looks at many events in the Middle East particularly at the moment with Muslim women in Iran and the morality police, and the revolutionary guard. Morality police ? Iran is not the only Muslim country to have morality police. I wonder how many of you have ever read The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood I have many years ago, well worth a read and rather brilliant. Though set in a dystopian futuristic New England in the USA Margaret Atwood’s researched it looking at some Eastern European and some muslims countries. With a certain anxiety that such ideas could proliferate and spread widely across the US and western Europe. Not something any sane person would what as the future of western Europe or the US under any religion or in fact religion controlling the countries or should want anywhere in the world, The Handmaid’s Tale future. Considering how far the world has come with The European Enlightenment and its evolution over the last 500 years why would anyone want to go back to a religious foundation for any society which is historically no matter what religion extremely repressive and not just for women but for thought ideas people’s existence and quality of life. Which is why I find it worrying with all this talk about religion especially in the realm of politics and government which I assume why Margaret Atwood wrote this book. I actually find the future dystopia she writes about utterly revolting and repulsive. Apart from being an artist I also love history and culture and why I can appreciate other cultures traditions and their religions they are not ones I want to see proliferate in Europe or the US or in fact really in the world nor do I see them as a future the world would really want. I like to see brilliance and intelligence in the world and the world transforming into a better future. See the problem is which has happened in several countries including Iran when religion enters politics and takes over you see a modern society move backwards to at best a medieval one, but still liking to keep their washing machines, weapons and other technology that comes out of the last 500 years of The European Enlightenment and its evolution, but then denouncing it and science etc. All the advancements in medicine science technology quality of life comes straight out of The European Enlightenment and its evolution and the separation of religion and the state. Yes I realise realise a lot of people blame the last 500 years and the European Enlightenment and its evolution and industry for the climate crisis that the world is currently facing. The the main driver is human overpopulation and demand. And if the world gave up all the technology and science most of the world food supply would collapse and much of the current human population would starve and die. And if anyone has worked on farms and the land with even basics like just tractors but using mostly manual labour that is a very hard life, subsistence farming. You could blame the massive exponential increase of world populations on technology and science and the devices produced to increase food production among others but then that would be ignoring so much more of the science ad ideas that came out of the European Enlightenment and its evolutions including birth control. Or rather people using something as simple as birth control to keep populations within sustainable levels. In 1959 the world population was 3 billion in just over 60 years it has increased to almost 8 billion. During the 20th century the world population went from 1.65 billion to 6 billion. Nearly all research shows that shorter hours and a highly trained much smaller workforce using technology is much more productive in all area including food production. The reason I mention this is because it is a total myth that you now need large populations to increase production. Large populations just make a huge pool of cheap labour that actually brings down wages and quality of life as well as putting unsustainable demands on the environment and the planet. So the world took on some advances of technology and science but ignored others. In fact the biggest taboo against something as simple as contraception and sustainable populations is religious belief and traditions. Humanity is supposed to be on the whole an intelligent life form, I am doubting that more and more every day. Which is also why I am also wondering at the idea of embracing more religions rather than less. If someone wants to go sit on a mountain and live a a medieval life and believe the world is flat I have no problem with that go do it. What I do wonder is why people want to come to some of the most advance places philosophically ideologically scientifically technologically etc on the planet and bring at best medieval ideas and then for some unknown reason they should be embraced and celebrated and if you don’t you are racist and people claim you are ignorant and stupid. Not too sure how that works. Also whatever is claimed for religion anywhere religion has historically never been about peace. Religion any religion has always been about quite basic social engineering power control and manipulation and its laws are unethical and immoral and religions have nothing to do with freedom or peace in fact religions are full of hate and anger even in their texts.

I still do not understand why I have ever been able to hate, most people seem to. Love yes I can love but hate, No. I was messaging with a professional arts person a while ago they really like my art poetic writing. They wanted to talk to some people they know, and they got back to me to tell me that the people they spoke to told them because I was not religious they would not show or exhibit me. I was rather surprised to put it mildly considering who they told me they spoke to and where they worked and at what level. I got back to them to confirm what they had said. They got back to me saying people hate. Now I am sure they are religious but they not did not have a problem with me but they also love my art etc and are intelligent and poetic they remind me of a few of my art lecturers when I was at the Chelsea School of Art.

I saw Sunak was talking about compassion. Really his father in-law is a Indian Billionaire and his wife is worth around £600 million I wonder how compassionate they are in their business dealings and their employees. And the living standard of the vast majority of the people that work for them directly and indirectly. I was brought up to be compassionate, kind and caring, it is my nature. I mean that quite literally part of my DNA. The subject Sunak was referring too was illegal immigrants crossing the Channel. With all the things happening in the world it would be far more compassionate to everyone if it was made clear now that illegal immigration was not going to be allowed. I did hear one MP in his own conservative party refer to it as an ‘invasion’. Well if they think it is an invasion at the moment wait until there are a 100 or a 1,000 or a million times as many people trying to do the same thing. And not just the UK but Europe. If the UK EU USA etc do not know this their experts and analysts are either being ignored, not telling them because they are scared or they are incompetent. The USA is already seeing this as people from South and Central America up packing up wholesale and trying to reach the US. And that is only a trickle compared to what will happen. People dying on the way, being exploited by criminals people traffickers and dying on route. They will not only be exploited by criminals on route but also if they manage to make it to their destinations and some will even join the criminals to do the same thing to other people or other criminal activities. You might think I sound like I am not compassionate. But the UK or Europe or even the USA cannot help and take all these people in now and definitely in the future. It will wreck them and they will not survive, literally. They should stay and build and make their own countries better places to live, and should be helped to do so by the UK Europe and the US also by the oil rich countries in the Middle East and China. Though being compassionate, helpful and encouraging to others all my life, I have found that once you start helping people they just expect more and more and then if you do not continue they start saying terrible things about you and lying. So surely it is much more intelligent and compassionate to stop this now and make it clear that they cannot break in illegally anywhere.

The Odysseus and other things people called out to me at Mykonos old harbour in 2015. Yesterday a woman, was just staring at me this is November 2022 and then smiled while I was waiting to see someone. Then she said you look like Robbie Williams. She said you have the same shape face or look. She did not mean I was his doppelgänger or identical but more just the overall impression. It did make me laugh. I have been told by someone that use to know me well said he was not surprised so many women seem to like me as I look a bit like Matt Damon. This was long before the Odysseus or beauty thing. As was some woman that rammed their tongue down my throat at a party, it possible one minute you are talking to someone the next minute they are using their tongue to clean you tonsils and told me she thought I was Anglo-Indian. I said what like Cliff Richard and she said exactly like that. If fact there is a bit of a list of men that women and some men said who I remind them of. I remember going round to dinner at my friend from Middlesex James. And at dinner, Jackie Jame’s partner and later wife, said to me, “you are like Captain Kirk” I laughed and said how. Jackie then said “surrounded by beautiful women with amorous intentions.” I said how would you know that she said “James has told me.” Then when I first shot some fashion I dropped an email to a friend Bernadette Buckley with some of my photos. Bernadette got back saying “still surrounded by beautiful young women” I replied saying they are fashion models from some of the biggest fashion modelling agencies. It’s work. And though some of the most attractive and beautiful woman I have met or known, have told me I have beautiful face. I have always sort of ignored it, same as when people use to go on about how extremely intelligent I was, even when it was a theory lecturer like Bernadette Buckley.

Still seem to have a number of morons on mobiles around me. I wonder if the police have even checked to look on the internet or mobile networks. Then I am pretty sure they already know at least some. And since some of these people seem to be criminals and religious I would expect they already would be monitoring them. That is without the everyday people lying and spreading lies about me. Then I think the police have a habit of taking notice of what’s on the internet rather than checking to see if any of it is true. Then it is funny when I have ugly or bland people that are not very intelligent try to laugh at me, in general it just reminds me how sad they are, and their lives.

I wonder how many of you have actually mixed with people from different backgrounds, ‘races’ ‘cultures’ etc. When I was at technical college when I was 17 the group I went down the pub with and often talked to in college was older than me and consisted of an Indian, British Indian guy, a Black guy Black British, a Jewish Guy ‘white’ a few women all ‘white’ red head, blonde etc women. Now we all got on well and were all some of the more mature and intelligent people at the college. The Indian and Black did not mix much with the groups of Indian or black guys and general all a bit more shall we say aggressive and only hung around with each other as were a lot of the white guys. Most of the women were the same on the whole. Now the black guys really did like the white or Indian guys on the whole and the Indian guys didn’t like the Black or White guys on the whole. The a lot of the white guys didn’t like anyone outside their groups. One thing that I have come to realise more and more and especially here more and more is how a lot of non ‘white’ people actually really hate ‘white’ in the UK and blame everything on them to varying degrees. When I say really hate it can be anything from resentment to full blown intense hatred. But if they get pulled up on anything then they accuse everyone of racism. Now there is a huge emphasis at the moment on racism within British culture, with everything aimed at ‘white’ people’ even by ‘white people’ which if anyone has ever hung around with a group of Black or Indian would be rather eye opening because many or most actually really do not like white people or the UK. You can friends and with many people there is at least a certain resentment. I am beginning to feel sorry for all those lecturers at university that are ‘white’ and have to now have to go through courses on racism often by black women, often professors but who actually checks on them and their own racial biases. Apart from in general conversations I have actually been in. But also the women that continually claimed to love me who was from a none ‘white’ background had serious resentment towards ‘white’ people and they were well educated to varying degrees. Admittedly they would not you though to me, if though through time that was obviously not the case. The same goes for Muslims and Hindus etc I have known. One Muslim guy that I use to talk to quite recently originally from Pakistan, with his family still there for some reason including his wife, though he used to go and visited them. And did have extended family here in the UK eventually left London and said he was going to move to Bradford because it was like a little Pakistan and very Muslim. Now to be totally truthful I really do not like anywhere in the UK Bradford or anywhere else turning into a little Pakistan. Read up on Pakistan if you want to wonder why, nor do I want parts of the UK to become little Saudi Arabia or little Iran. Nor for that matter little India all having huge human rights violations and atrocious attitudes towards women and under the law in at least of these countries women do not have any rights at all. Though would also depend to some extent how rich the particular women were. Then the wife of a Muslim leader in the Middle East fled from her husband some time ago to the UK and I am sure she really does not want to see this either. The whole race and religion thing is being totally exploited. Yes a certain degree of positive discrimination was once a good thing. But not only has it gone to far it has also allowed a network of people that have legitimate business and underneath are criminal organisations that are involved in people trafficking, drug trafficking, enforced prostitution, slave labour, murder, protection racketeering. And then if any are caught they claim racism in this country drove them to it. If you see someone living in a house worth tens of millions and with bodyguards all around and they are not diplomats or politicians why do they need the ‘bodyguards’. How come someone come to the UK as an immigrant who apparently have nothing and then 10 years later or so suddenly be worth £10’s of millions or even billions. Entrepreneurs I hear you say, yes maybe one or 2 but even with and definitely with many where did the original money come from and in many cases what is really making all the money. An artist I use to know, she was telling me that she was thinking of getting into property if she could make enough money. She then want onto tell me that a guy she had been going out with for a while came to the country with nothing and is now quite successful in property, she then informed me that he made his money to do this through armed robbery. I was quite disgusted with her though I did not say anything to her. That she went out with someone that was an armed robber and criminal. I met people like that and most of them are truly nasty bits of sociopath violent work. Poor them they have a mental illness they are a sociopath. Well, no actually more like they are dangerous violent people with a mental illness that the general public has a right to be protected from. Now knowing some of my ex’s had mental health problems I obviously needed protection from them as it turns out. Maybe beautiful but psychopath with violent ill intent vicious and lying is serious not good. Then she did mention a number of things that should have given me more than a little uncomfortable though initially I did not take some of the things she said seriously. I am finding more and more worrying about the normalisation of mental health problems and especially it ties to violence either physical psychological or emotional violence whether by women or men and it being classed more and more as poor them. The ones with the mental health issues. Yes of course help them but do not normalise it or think it is OK. Then I have been reading psychology off and on since I was 17, part of my art practise. What I have become more and more aware of with social interactions with psychologists is quite a large number of them went into the field because they have mental health problems. Sometimes through trauma and sometimes through genetics, inherited. And how biased and compromised their psychological research and practise becomes. And how so many assumptions can creep in to their work because of those biases. Supposedly it should go on the data but that can be extremely twisted and manipulated through their built in biases maybe even without them realising. I might be rather well read in psychology and psychoanalysis but I do not have a person or professional stake in it. But when I have chatted to a few psychologists or even clinical psychologists socially I have had a few ‘O Fuck’ moments because of what they have ‘let slip’ one could say about their professional process, or maybe lack of it. Maybe that whole ‘Hannibal Lecter’ is not just fiction. No I do not mean psychopathic killer, though there are probably a few psychopathic killing psychologists and psychoanalyst knocking around. I mean ones that are called on as experts and are supposed to help people and what they might be doing to them. Which is not necessarily making them better but maybe reenforcing their psychological illness. Then I have known a few people that have seen some kind of analyst psychologist etc and then told me how they continually lied to them so they did not look bad but other people did. In fact one of my ex’s was one of those people that told me that and apparently it was me she wanted to look bad and her all sweetness and light. And it appears that was reenforce by the analyst she was seeing who was a woman. Think the analyst might have had her own gender issue problems and lack of professionalism because there is a very good chance that particular ex is at least bio-polar and since her father had a psychotic delusion violent break and it is now known mental illness can run in families DNA inheritance which genes are switch on and which are switch off and epigentics total lack of professionalism by the analyst she was seeing.

Now The European Enlightenment did not only separate the religion and the state it also severely diminished feudalism and tribalism. Now the problem with many religions are they are very feudalistic and tribal and hence violent. Now Islam is founded on feudalism and tribalism and violence. In fact that is what the Sunni or Shiite split actually was not about doctrine but feudalism and who would take over at the death of the warlord prophet. Read some history if you want to check, including history written by Muslims. Now the other thing about feudalism and tribalism they also not only tend to be violent but organised in networks of groups and also are very good for criminal activity. In fact one word I learnt because in general I was told by the police and tourist not to give it was ‘baksheesh’. They said yes if you want to tip someone but absolutely not if it is asked of you for entry anywhere or for anything else especially if it is demanded of you. ‘Baksheesh or bagsheesh (from Persian: بخشش bakhshesh[1]) is tipping, charitable giving, and certain forms of political corruption and bribery in the Middle East and South Asia.’ Tipping charitable giving not a problem well if it is through choice though even that is often not or comes with many strings. Maybe you can understand why the police when I was travelling in certain countries said do not give to people asking especially demanding ‘Baksheesh’. Though it is considered ‘normal’ in many countries. The ‘greasing of palms’. India is not a Muslim country but it is also well known there ‘Baksheesh’. In fact in many countries it is the cultural norm. I am not saying in other countries it does not happen but in Europe it is not cultural norm, well not in Western Europe. Imagine going to DVLA and being asked for ‘Baksheesh’ to get want you wanted there. Indian Hindus religion is extremely hierarchical, the caste system. I read a story a year or so ago about an Indian female doctor in India who killed herself. What drove her to it was because she came from the ‘untouchable’ caste and she was continually harassed abuse and psychologically tortured by 2 female Indian doctors that she did not belong and should not be a doctor. They basically drove her to suicide because she was an ‘untouchable’. Not good and nothing to do with merit apparently she was a good probably better than them.

Now another piece of psychology and neuroscience a person basic psychological and physiological brain structure is formed by the time they are 5 years old, that is wether one is on the lower scale of intelligence or the higher scale. That formation of someones basic psychological and physiological structure is formed by cultural and parental direction. Yes DNA Genes and epigenetics figure too. In fact epigenetics is to do with cultural, parental and generations of that influence. When I was at art school the last one I had a personal tutorial with quite a famous artist, not that that was unusual. But this one in particular one of the other students was a massive fan of. She also had a personal tutorial with them. Now he said something like but people are just people to me. I said no they are not, once you get away from basic drives they are not. Basic drives are food reproduction shitting etc. I said for example someone that was raised and educated in England and an indigenous tribal remember in the Amazon rain forest with no outside contact is going to have a totally different engagement and perception of the world and what is called reality. He said no they are not. I said do you know some tribes in the Amazon rain forest think if you photograph them you steal their ‘souls’. And the whole jungle around them is full of spirit beast both good and bad. With some if you do not walk a certain way through the forest you will attract the bad spirits and they will take you over. In fact they live in a totally different world and think in a totally different way to the way you do. That is why you have anthropologists study them and English culture. As I said to my guest tutorial artist do you not understand that people have very different engagements with the world and what reality is depending on beliefs culture and backgrounds. They had already been insulting before I even said anything to them. Then they were pissed off and walked out. Funnily enough I had already met and chatted to him before at a gallery opening and was not particularly impressed by his intellectual prowess which I had mentioned to the woman who was a real fan of his work, she was a mature student and when she saw me in the canteen later she shouted across at me ‘don’t say a word’. She was rather pissed discovery the international artist was not too bright. I really one piece of work /art they made. It is the original Saatchi collection the one that gave the Saatchi gallery its international reputation not the work now. Though I think that piece is still there. Then even the original Saatchi collection was rather hit and miss. The rest of the artist that gave me work / is generic and virtually copied from elsewhere and know where he copied the ideas from. What also disturbed me was someone with influence making art and did not understand even the basic idea of different engagements and perceptions with and of the world and reality. Just as well I did not talk to them about different levels of intelligence and how affects those kinds of things even more or at least as much.

Then this quote that did disturb me, but maybe should not have.

“Who’s Afraid of Charles Darwin?

According to a 2012 Gallup survey, only 15 per cent of Americans think that Homo sapiens evolved through natural selection alone, free of all divine intervention; 32 per cent maintain that humans may have evolved from earlier life forms in a process lasting millions of years, but God orchestrated this entire show; 46 per cent believe that God created humans in their current form sometime during the last 10,000 years, just as the Bible says. Spending three years in college has absolutely no impact on these views. The same survey found that among BA graduates, 46 per cent believe in the biblical creation story, whereas only 14 per cent think that humans evolved without any divine supervision. Even among holders of MA and PhD degrees, 25 per cent believe the Bible, whereas only 29 per cent credit natural selection alone with the creation of our species.” Excerpt From: Yuval Noah Harari. “Homo Deus”.

Though the survey is talking about BA’s first Degree, MA’s Second more advanced Degree, I wonder what the results with Msc would be, I suspect not that different. MA is Master of Arts, Msc is Master of Science. PhD is a doctorate though not a medical doctor but more advanced or hopefully again than a Msc or MA. To go all the way to PhD through the education system can take 7 years or more of study and research. Though I have read a few PhD’s, doctoral thesis and most of them should never have passed. If for no other reason a PhD is supposed to be original work and most of them weren’t and were an appalling mishmash, not that I had any say in whether they did or not read a few after they had been awarded.

Before the above quote Yuval Noah Harari was saying how people did not get all hot sweaty violent and aggressive about Einstein’s theory of relativity etc all being far more complex complicated and mind bending. But mention evolution and some people want to kill you. Or start blathering on about ‘intelligent design’ which is a pseudoscience with no scientific proof or merit, and ‘intelligent design’ is basically creationism given a pseudoscientist make over. Though enough scientists go on about that even rather famous ones. Apart from the the theory of evolution there is so much much scientific evidence, for when the planet earth was formed, how old it is. That the Earth orbits the sun and even where the solar system is in the galaxy, which is near the edge on one of the spiral arms. Where as the theory of evolution. A scientific theory is a proven theory using science. A scientific hypothesis is conjecture until or if it is scientifically proven. Which means the theory of evolution has been scientifically proven. And all newer science including DNA evidence proves it as well. In fact I have always thought it was rather wonderful how DNA has proven how connected with are with the world and all life on it. By showing with share huge amounts of DNA with all life forms on the planet both fauna and flora. Also the future possibilities of evolution for all life. Absolutely amazing and inspiring. Then is highly educated people even in science are so biased by belief etc it does make one have to wonder about the legal system, lawyers, solicitors, barristers and judges, and obviously the police, in the UK and elsewhere. Or in the government. And of all those people claiming racism and those specialists given courses to university lecturers and professors on the subject. I am just trying to think as I have spoken to a huge amount of university and art lecturers both as a student and as friends, and I have never heard one of them say anything racist.

So remember when you are down the pub or in the hairdressers gossiping; scientific theory is proven scientific fact. Where as a scientific hypothesis is conjecture until and if it is scientifically proven. There is a huge difference between proven fact and gossip, conjecture or here say.

I see in the news that Sunak is trying to deflect away from a lot of issues and wants to course even more death and destruction in the Ukraine and killing them Russian ‘commies’ who very arguable are not communists anymore. Rather the EU and the US trying to broker peace. And say for the sake of the climate crisis it must be done. Typical shyster politician and not the best idea for the world the climate or the future. He must think people are very stupid, then he does not seem to bright himself. Also I really wish people would know more history and understand it. The Russians are not a push over and though they took a hammering initially in WWII but the Nazis. When they got going and trained up they rolled across eastern Europe and only stopped because the allies asked them too. Which might have also have something to do with the atomic bombs they then dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And I gather Russia still has one of the largest piles of nuclear weapons still in the world. I did think diplomats and politician were suppose to stop wars and negotiate not make them worse and see more people killed. Knowing the Russians I have they have a dark sense of humour, pessimistic and loaded with death. And as stubborn as fuck not the people to play Russian roulette with after all that’s where it got its name from. Though I rather think if the Russians and probably the Ukrainians were given a way out of the current situation they would take it and end this insanity. You do know the major Ukrainian cities for founded and built by the Russians / Rus and the ports on the Black Sea were originally founded by the Ancient Greeks. Not that I am justifying the Russians but there is huge room for dialogue both historically and now.

Gill, Gillian Burton she often use to tell me men she had seen use to mess her around and leave her. Many years after we had last seen each other 15 or more so one who was at performance college with her. Dartington College of the performing arts. Told me I was an idiot men weren’t messing Gill around she was messing them around and fucking with their heads. One of the reason she was not too popular there. The other being is because she was actually both crap at performance and ideas, which was why nobody wanted to work with her. In fact they told me the only reason she wasn’t failed was because she was a woman and black / mixed race, and Dartington being the epitome of hippy trippy liberal arts kept passing and failing people that were much better than her. Apparently a lot of people used to call her droopy draws, as she they thought that she was rather stupid, well there were a few other reasons as well but I won’t mention them at the moment. Though thinking back Gill was the least intelligent women I have ever been in a relationship with and the most violent. Well on one occasion we were laying in bed after sex and the duvet was on the floor, and we were laughing and joking and she decided she did not like something I said and she back heeled me in the hip, and caught right on the joint where the hip meets the thigh. I was like what the fuck. I had a 6 inch bruise and was actually limping for several days after. Then obviously all her dance training paid off, strong legs. Then she use to terrify our dog, and scream and shout at her, German Shepherd, though she was the one that wanted her. The dog often use to squat and pee on the ground while she was ranting at her. I did use to ask her not too, Gill that is scream and shout at the dog. Then our dog almost broke my nose once jumping up at me with such enthusiasm at me when I was bending over over stroking her head. The top of her head smashing right into my nose, dog head butt, an accident obviously. I know the same kind of thing happened to Gill a few times but no reason to take it out on the dog, in fact often she would just shout at the dog for no reason, then it was not just about that. Then another time we were cooking together and she was stirring the ingredients in a frying pan, stainless steel industrial one. We were chatting and laughing then she suddenly through the frying pan at me, it was actually spinning vertically towards the middle of my head, I lent to the side and it sailed past and hit the wall behind me and took the plaster concrete render and a bit of brick out of the wall. Then she started crying and then said “I could have killed you.” Then it was not unusual for Gill while we were cooking to fly off and start shouting at me and waving one of our Sabatier cooking knives in my face. Might sound strange but I probably had watched too many French and Italian art house films and just thought she was fiesty and passionate, not actually seriously off her head. Then she always wanted to fuck my brains out for hours afterward, which might sound good but it started to depress me and I am not a depressant type person. After she left me, she got back in touch after about 6 months and I saw her because I did not want to hate her. Hate is a nasty emotions that makes people bitter twisted angry and miserable. It was then that she told me she had seen an analyst but had not told her the truth about things and just tried to her sound like sweetness and light and me the epitome of a bad man. Then she also told me if she ever loved anyone in her life it was me, which actually scared the shit out of me. Then she also said to me when we were laying in bed with her wrapped around me “it is just like it use to be and I feel all warm loved and safe. I was laying next to her thinking she was fucking insane, after all she had left me just after my father dropped dead suddenly and then tried to do as much damage to me emotionally and psychologically. And I was the person she thought she had loved more than anyone else in her life, maybe you can understand why her telling me that terrified me. I thought what is the point of seeing any kind of analyst if you are going to lie to them, but from what I have since been told by people who have seen one that is pretty common. She did also tell me that she started talking to a couple of women at the Riverside Studios art centre where she worked and actually started telling a bit of the truth. They use to actually really like me, as Gill use to point out and more than her according to her. So when she saw their faces drop and then moving towards hostile faces they started giving her, she stopped talking. Then if everything was not my fault then they were the dogs. Then that woman gave more bruises black eyes and various other injuries than I think I have ever received in total in my life before or after. True a many during sex.

I see 2 more rescue ship in the Mediterranean docked in Sicily. Why did they not return them to north Africa. I actually got into a conversation with a woman that worked in a refugee centre in the UK and she was telling me how they were instructed to fill out the forms for them and make sure they were classed as refugees and their lives were in danger if they were returned. She also told me she could tell nearly all the refugees were lying about why they had come. What you have to realise in the day of the internet and the mobile phone, someone gets to the UK becomes classed as a refugee and then gets somewhere to live and money to live on, and then many then work cash in hand. So they are getting free accommodation, free money and then they work illegal to earn more money. What do you reckon they then do, text, video chat, phone their friends and family and friends and then say, “O come to England, tell them some story and then you will get somewhere to live for free, they will give you money to live on, and then we can short out some work so you can earn more money.” “Or this guy I know has only been in the UK for a year joined a gang works and a drug dealer and he is already driving around in a new BMW.” Both of which I know has happened and I am sure similar text video chats or phone calls go out all the time. or just ones that say “Come to the UK free accommodation, free money to live on. Free medical, come to the UK”. Even happens with legal immigration, especially form the Middle East, Pakistan and India. Imagine what is going to happen when countries in Africa the Middle East and the Indian subcontinent get worse and worse. Well then there are also many illegal immigrants from as far away as China. About 4 years ago I was talking to a an eastern European who had a first degree a masters and had been working on a PhD in his home country. And he came to England and found out his qualifications were not recognised here. The certifying body that he took his exams with was not one that the UK academia recognise, have not got a clue why or to be honest whether he was telling the truth, though I think he was. So he could only get some shit menial job. He also told me if I saw any eastern European sitting around in coffee shops bars or café during the day they were probably criminals. Not sure why he told me the last bit. He also said particularly Albanians and Romanians, but virtually any eastern European, sitting around for most of the day or afternoon, particularly on a regular basis. Which at the time I saw a lot of.

Also with, Denmark I think it is, talking about starting to repatriate their refugees. Basically send them back to their home, repatriate. Many from there are now I eyeing the UK. In fact Denmark is supposed to be a very liberal country with an exceptional human rights record from what I remember, and they are moving towards repatriating refugees. I am surprised that Sweden is not talking about it as well, as they have had huge troubles with their refugee population. Some people really are real refugees, but even those seem to course a lot of trouble. In 2015 I was in Greece travelling around the islands. I was on Samos staying in a hotel near the port run by a Danish woman who had married a Greek man. She was telling when they had refugees turn up in boats, they were trying to help them food and clothes etc. She said we do not know what to do more and more keep coming. Then she told me while she was watching Greek TV News, I do not speak Greek, that refugees on Lesbos had started rioting and started attacking lesbian women as it was against god. Apparently Lesbos a lot of gay women go to. She was disgusted. None of them were legal and Greece cannot cope and more and more come and then they start attacking people because they are doing things against their religion. On the Greek Islands after I left I hear that they felt their islands were being invaded and they were trying to turn them into the places they were fleeing, including using violence. And then the human rights people were telling the Greeks how appalling they were and the way they were treating the refugees. Even though the Greeks had no facilities no money and nowhere for the refugees to be and they were illegal.

Which makes me think there is something seriously wrong with this situation. The the United Nations refugee charter or it is being totally exploited. And with what is going to be happening in the future, the whole UN refugee charter needs to be changed. Because definitely the Greeks, but also Europe cannot in anyway cope with this insurgency and I do not think most of the people really want to. Also one thing I know from personal experience is human rights lawyers, solicitors and barristers or so called ones, including Amal Clooney as she now is, only care and look after certain peoples human rights, mostly illegal refugees. Not the human rights of the people that live in the countries they practise in even when their legal rights are trashed. In fact many human rights lawyers etc are shysters making money, though many might believe what they do sort of. In fact calling Amal Clooney a human rights activist has to be taken with a huge pinch of disbelief as she only believes in some peoples human rights. The apparently George Clooney is a human rights activist, great actor, but a human rights activist when he had some of his £500 or is it £600 million invested in a company that has been proven to use slave and indentured labour in South America since the late 1960’s or early 1970’s. He even got paid, no doubt, a huge amount of money for advertising their products. What does say about either of this couples human rights activities. Maybe even more money on top of the vast amount of money they already had out of peoples misery. Think I might have a few questions about whose human rights and wether either of them are even either moral or ethical in any sense. O I also recently got an email telling me they were going to be talking about human rights and they were both human rights activists. It made me laugh, cynically. Not my favourite way of laughing, I prefer laughing for joy. I wonder if Amal Clooney would like to prosecute all the refugees that rioted and attack any group of women sitting together on Lesbos in 2015. I mean I think the Greeks and the international women’s that were around on Lesbos human rights were violated. Or does she have a problem with people being gay or lesbian.

Then I also saw their were problems in Qatar with them holding the next world cup in football. Apparently the governing body are really sorry now they let Qatar hold it, for several reasons, it is too small a country to stage it, they have an appalling rights record. And their laws mean if you are gay man or woman you get heavily fined all the way to the death penalty. I not gay and obviously not a lesbian though have met and known many most being incredibly good nice people. Have you ever wondered why most refugees from the Middle East head towards Europe and the EU rather than other Muslim countries. Especially the oil rich Muslim countries, well at a guess if they tried too on mass they would shoot them at their borders or put them in slave labour camps, probably a bit of both. And for a bit of history look at Lebanon, and what happened there when they let in lots of Palestinian refugees and what is still going on. You need first to see what Lebanon was like in the 1960’s before it all happened. As an aside I have travelled all over and worked in Palestine and Israel and met and talked too many Palestinians and Israelis, but that is another story though a few bits are on here or were. And no I am neither Palestinian Israeli Jewish or Muslim.

A old saying ‘charity starts at home’. Apparently the UK is going to be going into a 2 year recession and lots of people are going to be losing their jobs. I do wonder the guilt levels of alls these people with open arms telling the world to come to Europe and what over. Who have to be seen as what they think of ‘doing some good’. I met quite a few graduates who did volunteer work in countries abroad, most said ‘well it was a free holiday’. When I ask them on different occasions if they had any special skills most said know. I read an article a year or 2 back, where a group of volunteers went to an African country and they suppose to build a school house out of wood for the village they were working in. So during the day the volunteers built the school house, and at night the locals took it apart and rebuilt it properly. This happened continuously over 2 weeks until it was finished. The locals never had the heart to tell the international volunteers what they were actually doing.

I am ready a very good history book at the moment. As I think I have mentioned I love history. One of the things the historian and author mentions is everything seems quite normal or close to before a sudden total collapse. He also quite clearly talks about how there are so many parallels between what is happening now and what happened then. Well worth reading, just for the history let alone the intelligent insights. The book: 1177BC The Year Civilisation Collapsed by Eric H. Cline.

I see Biden and the US are getting very worried about the Chinese. In some ways a perfect example of people thinking people are all the same, just people. Now history China is I think currently the longest continuously running civilisation of Earth. I think because it has all fallen apart a few times. Right back to China and their culture. Very different from anywhere else. China is a dynastic culture throughout most of its history. At one period they looked outwards and explored. Then a decision was made to only deal internally except for trade. Running through a lot of Chinese history is the imperial exam. Supposedly anyone could do the imperial exam though you had to be able to read and write also have some knowledge. But lots of people use to sit the imperial exam and depending on how they did they were place them at a certain level in the administration and bureaucracy running the country. We are talking of 100’s of years or 1,000’s of years of this happening, the imperial exam that is. Though this stopped but the idea is still within the culture of China, arguably why their education gets such high results. Though again arguable such a rigid system stifles innovation etc. Then there is the vast cultural legacy of everyone working for the Emperor and the country all within the circumstances. Something ingrained over centuries. Then along come the cultural revolution and a huge change. Or was it, yes in many way, but in others no. For many years the Chinese were still looking inward. Then they started looking to not only produce for themselves but others around the world which caused a massive change and a huge amount of wealth. Now again China is reverting to its cultural legacy, the one ingrained over centuries. Now the US and the rest of the world might not understand this and obviously don’t in general probably because they do not know or even if they do do not understand history and cultural legacy. Because they wrongly assume everyone is the same or in the US’s case everyone is really like them and perceive and engage with the world and reality the same way they do. I realise this is a very crude piece of writing on a civilisation that has lasted for 1,000’s of years. And I am not saying Imperial China and current China are the same but they have cultural traits or legacies. Which include being highly protective of their history country and cultural heritage.

The one thing that links all the world is The European Enlightenment and its evolution and all the ideas that came from it not religion or ideology. The European Enlightenment and its evolution is the most advanced that humanity has ever been in all areas. In thought ideas technology science art philosophy… Belief systems are not a frame overlaid overlaid onto someone but an integral part of them, by belief systems I mean religious belief, which are not a positive force in the world but a negative one and a poison and detriment to human progress and to the European Enlightenment and its evolution. Neither do primitive belief systems add to more advanced societies they bring discord and can destroy them. Colin Renfrew an archeologist and writer talked about ‘systems collapse’ later made popular by Jared Diamond. And then later complexity theory (complexity science) and its ideas were use on historical modelling to try to understand how civilisation collapse. As it is not just one thing that makes that happen or even several, and even though the systems collapse idea by Colin Renfrew was brilliant the application of complexity theory using the power of computers an even more complex model of ancient civilisation collapse can be seen. There is always the question does humanity learn from history. People have told several times that ideas like creationism are harmless as is medieval or dark age belief systems they most certainly are not. As they undermine and try to destroy many of the ideas that are the basis of The European Enlightenment and its evolution and science that world cultures and civilisations depend on. Why because science disproves all religious texts and belief. Whether it is the age of the world, how the world formed, that the earth circles the sun, that the earth is not the centre of the universe, evolution or countess other things that creationist believe. Though they continually use the technology that science created to then undermine and discredit science. Somewhat hypocritical. I mentioned scientists who believe in ‘intelligent design’ there are many with including to my surprise Jane Goodall primatologist and anthropologist though the Templeton Prize has a fuller list.

I see the Benin Bronzes keep coming up in the news, and the Benin kingdom or Benin Empire often gets used when it comes to the Black Peoples Movement and black people wanting to tear things down in various countries. I have known about the Benin Kingdom / empire since I was at least 17 because of art and the Benin Bronzes. So lets look at the Benin Empire and put issues like colour race or ethics to the side and look at this civilisation in historical and logical terms. The Benin Empire was built on warfare slavery and gold long before any European powers had any dealings with it. It actually was first active in a certain region of east Africa subjugating other tribes and using them as personal slaves and for various forms of production and human sacrifice. Then having a surplus of slaves and gold they joined the trade route across Africa that lead all the way to the Middle East, this practise going on for over 1,000 years prior to any European involvement. They then started selling slaves to Europeans when contact was made. Then the europeans decided to cut out the middle men the Benin Empire and use various local tribes to gain slaves. The europeans managed to do this using exactly the same methods that the Benin Empire has used to rise and become a power. Warfare and conquest. The europeans eventually outlaws slavery and many people in the area including the Benin people refused to stop and continued to supply independent slavers taking the slaves to the USA that had not outlawed slavery at that time. Also the europeans eventually managed to end the practise of human sacrifice at least in public, whether it carried on in private ceremonies hidden away. Then after the europeans left the practise on slavery carried on again. So looking at it this way basically is was unfair that the europeans were better at warfare than the Benin empire was and took over their trade systems, though the Benin Empire had before been doing exactly the same thing to other tribes around them. I abhor the idea and practise of slavery. In fact the Europeans were the first group known in the entire history of the world to ban and outlaw slavery. And a few hundred years later a bunch of people that were never slaves but their ancestors were slaves as well as slavers then want to reeducate the world about slavery, which is still endemic across the African continent including the country / countries that were part of the Benin empire and apparently in the Middle East on a large scale, based on the colour of skin which apparently according to them should not matter. Also they seek neither the destruction of Middle Eastern culture/s or recompense from them. Then coming back to the Benin Bronzes themselves that were actually made through the wealth generated by slavery warfare and conquest, the blood of slaves by the Benin Empire. And that, The Benin Empire is one of the main black civilisations that Black people want to extoll and venerate around the world.

What I find hard to believe is that in Europe people that have built their countries and homes over 100’s or 1,000’s of years are called right wing if they object to their country taking in 1,000’s if not in Germany’s case million of people that have no cultural political or any other ties to the country / countries. If anything I would not be surprised if current policies are actually pushing people to the right as they do not want their countries overrun to varying extents with alien attitudes traditions etc. In fact if you take the religion of Islam it is in its classical sense ultra right wing and ultra conservative in virtually all of its immoral morals. Because of course any criticism of any ‘non white’ cultures is racist and rightwing according to current thinking. If anyone actually starts looking at the countries that and not only the Middle East but many African counties and look at the violation of human rights and aggression and violence toward women which is the cultural norm. Then one has to wonder why so many want to give an open arm welcome to them. Now some might say that is exactly why. But since it is common cultural practise in so many countries and nobody knows who these people are, background checks etc. Who does know who are being let into the countries in Europe. Just because someone is desperate to get to Europe and turns up bedraggled and worn, from anywhere in the world it does not mean they are good people or any kind of positive aspect for Europe. In fact bringing primitive belief systems and traditions to Europe undermines all the progress and advances made through the Renaissance, The European Enlightenment and it evolution. I would have thought most would want to get a progressive educations that opens their minds to the world. Not a religious education the stunts it, in fact most of the people I have talked that have talked about being brought up religiously seem to have varying degrees of trauma from the experience unless they are totally indoctrinated and do not know anything else. I was not brought up religiously I grew up with art math dinosaurs fossils etc. In fact I see absolutely no reason that religious schools should exist in the UK. And if people want to be religious surely that should be a personal thing. Then I see absolutely no reason to build places of worship in the UK for anyone, again surely a personal thing. And especially not from a religion or culture that is not part of the European culture. Surely since Europe including the UK has traditions and cultures going back 1,000’s of years any people should adjust and accommodate themselves to European culture not the other way around, and if that makes them uncomfortable then what are they doing here. Also I find it interesting that when Jim Al-Khalili was talking to his father about the recent census in the UK he asked his father who had been brought up a muslim whether he really was or even religious. His father told him that he usually put muslim out of habit but no he was not religious. As many people were asked to think about it in the UK, rather than just the box of a religion they were either raised with or their parents were. From what I could gather after the UK census the majority of people are now not religious which is a good advance, and I am sure many still ticked a box with a religion though are not religious or only when it is convenient for them. As I have meant a number of they have told me they only say they are religious when it is convenient. Then another thing Jim Al-Khalili mentioned on his online talk was that what really surprised him was out of all the places the only place he got outright racism and open aggression to his ideas was in the Middle East. Jim Al-Khalili is a quantum physicist a rather brilliant and famous one, and his father is from the Middle East and as far as I know his mother is English and white.

Then a few years back I had a conversation with a woman in a coffee shop who told me she was originally from one of the Islands in the Caribbean, and she was a christian. She was in her mid to late 20’s and had next to me and started talking to me. I said O. She then said she also in hoodoo / voodoo and was also into to spirit crystals. I said aren’t they a bit contradictory, you know opposed to each other. She said no not where she is from and you cannot be too careful. The island she came from was St.Lucia I think.

Then another woman that started speaking on another day in the same coffee shop told me she was giving education workshops on FGM. I asked her why surely FGM doesn’t happen anymore. She first was surprised I knew what it was. I said it was mentioned in a documentary I watched when I was 17 or 18. She went well no it is actually on the increase in Europe and north America. I was surprised it was in the UK and said. She said yes it is here and on the increase so I go around giving talks about it in schools and to adults, we are trying to stamp it out. The she said her taxi had arrived and good talking. She was a black woman by the way in case you started thinking interfering white people. Then until recently never use to designate race or colour but it seems everybody does for their agendas these days.

When I was 17 myself and a friend drove around France including the French and part of the Italian Riviera. One of the places we visited and spent time on the beach was St.Tropez and they atmosphere was extremely pleasant and relax. With many of the women topless but not with anyone staring at them. Including my friend and myself. All part of the tradition and ambiance of the French Riviera. I recently read a report in the news when people were complaining about women sunbathing topless on the french beaches of the Mediterranean. Apparently it was from families on the beach with children saying it was disgusting especially in front of children. They never specified who was complaining, but whoever was I think the problem might be them and they way they bring their children up. Then I have heard similar complaints from other countries about women running around in leggings or jogging shorts and cropped jogging tops. Though not complaints about men being topless and just in bathing shorts or men in jogging shorts and no tops running. Though who knows that might start happening as well. A moral outrage that is actually immoral and trying stop the indigenous culture in these places. O and by the way I have been drawing and painting female and male nudes since I was 16 and at art school etc. And seeing a pair of breasts is no big deal to me, also being in relationships with a few women that had fabulous bodies among other things. These complaints are obviously coming from repressed people with rather severe issues around the human body and their own attitudes too theirs and others.

I do not know if you saw in the news but a Bulgarian police officer was shot and killed while on border patrol. He and another policemen had found the fence at the border cut, and had people shooting at them from across the border. They assume it was human traffickers.

In 2015 after coming back from Greece I was staying in apartments in north London. Quite a few people use to talk to me there. Though communal area there, there was a reception. But you could not smoke inside so lots of people use to smoke just outside the security door at the front of the building. A couple in their 20’s invited to there apartment one evening for drinks as they wanted to talk to me more. They seemed quite pleasant so I said yes. The woman was a photographer or wanted to be, the man never said what he did. Though in the course of the evening talking he told me about his father. His father he said was a Palestinian and his mother was a white English woman and he grew up in London. He said he had an appalling childhood as he was brought up by a father that was full of hate bitterness and violence. His brother became a drug addict and had mental health issues and was also a drug dealer. He never said whether his father was violent to them or his mother but that was sort of hanging in the air. Though he said his father hated everyone, he particularly hated jews and people in London, white people was implied. He thought they were immoral and not of god, that kind of thing though much of what he said was as much implied than stated. He then told me he was not religious himself and all he wanted to do was get away from his childhood. I seem to remember the woman was Brazilian. Now I can imagine some of you thinking, yes but his father grew up in Israel as a Palestinian so that is the way he was. Well as I have mentioned I travelled and worked in Israel and Palestine. Even hitch around a few times with Pete the friend I was travelling with. Got lifts off both Israelis and Palestinian as well as having talked to many others, though usually got buses / coaches. And they were all friendly and trying to enjoy life. Not rabidly hating bitter and full of violence. Then when we were there it was one of those periods of quiet and quite peaceful. But even so why bring your bitter hatred and violence to your children and try to bring them up to hate, especially as he, the father that is was then living in London. Why he told me this I am not sure.

Though many people seem to know this blog. Though my stats tell me hardly anyone has visited it going all the way back to 2015 when I first started it. Also a few other people I have come across that have blogs have made comment. I was siting in a pub, food pub having lunch on Blackheath and a guy that use to speak to me sometimes saw me writing on my computer and said “making more money what are you earning from that must be at least £2,000 a week.” I said ‘no nothing’. I also told him according to my stats nobody reads it, and ‘I have never been offered sponsorship.’ He started laughing and did not say anymore. I have wondered if it has been cloned, my blog that is as so many people have made reference to things on it at different times. So as well as being a world class artist and world class fashion photographers and getting fucked. Am I getting fucked with my blog financially as well. I mean if some guy who writes a blog and I take it makes some money from it thinks I am making at least £2,000 a week from mine, or did he say £2,000 a day. Something is really off. Then if you think £2,000 a day sounds a lot that is nothing compared to what I should be earning from my art and fashion photography.

When I arrived back in England after being in Greece in 2015 and harassed and hassled there. At Gatwick I asked to see the police and 2 armed police came over and I explained I had been harassed and hassled in Greece. And they replied “What like being chased like thundering through the desert being chased by a pack of wild dogs.” I said what ? And they started laughing and told me to go away. Then another time again in 2015 I had dinner in Cote brasserie in Marketplace just off Regents Street and had parked around the corner. When I got to my car, a blue Saab convertible at the time. An athletic looking man about 6’2″ in a dark suit was standing right next to my car with his mobile phone in his hand. I said O hello, my car, he was standing in front of the drivers door. He turned to me and started telling me the price of oil a barrel had dropped 50% in a strong American accent. I said really and ? He then told me he was an oil executive and was waiting for his taxi. I said that people carrier across the road. He said yes and walked off got in and they drove off. I just thought it was a bit weird at the time. I had mentioned on my original blog that I was into the environment and ecology. What a strange coincidence especially as I had hardly ever run into any Americans in London, some yes but not many. Then suddenly in 2015 I seem to run into them everywhere I went. Even when I was standing on the bridge over the Serpentine in Hyde Park having a cigarette. An American started talking to me and was saying his friends were creationists and they were nice people. Bit of a strange thing to randomly tell me, he had started talking to me. I did mention both these things at the time of soon after on my original blog though it has been hacked and taken down many times since. Then another thing the American said to me was it is good to talk to an Englishman as he had wanted to come to London for much of his life and now he and his wife were retired they did, big trip. He then went on to say London wasn’t what he expected. I laughed and said why not. He said so many places he went, shops hotels cafés restaurants walking in central London most people seem to be Indian Pakistani Middles Eastern or eastern European. He then said he was not expecting Mary Poppins London but London seemed strange to him. He said to me not only was I an Englishman but sounded very English gentleman, well spoken, nice voice obviously educated. He said maybe he would run into some ‘cockneys’ as well and laughed. Then he wandered off after saying nice talking. Then quite a few other people that randomly spoke to me who were visiting on holiday in London, not just Americans said virtually the same thing. Then a few Americans did say London looked rather Mary Poppins, big white houses with black cast iron railings, they were talking about the buildings around, Regents Park, Belgravia, Bayswater etc. that did make me laugh.

Another quote;

“Though schools evidently do a very poor job teaching evolution, religious zealots still insist that it should not be taught at all. Alternatively, they demand that children must also be taught the theory of intelligent design, according to which all organisms were created by the design of some higher intelligence (aka God). ‘Teach them both theories,’ say the zealots, ‘and let the kids decide for themselves.” Excerpt From: Yuval Noah Harari. “Homo Deus”.

Intelligent design is creationism. I do not know if Yuval Noah Harari has read Bertrand Russell I would hope so. Though whether he really took on board what he was saying. I must admit I never until relatively recently realised how many people were still religious and looked at the stats. But getting back to what Bertrand Russell says in nearly all his writing on religion, any religion. That all peoples of faith that claim a faith have to believe the entirety of their religious books. Whether it be The Christian Bible , The Jewish Bible, The Koran or whatever holy scriptures their religion has. The Christian Bible and The Koran both use The Jewish Bible and its prophets with their religions. Why did Bertrand Russell say words to this effect because for anyone to claim a faith Christian Muslim Hindu etc they must completely claim and believe the entirety of their respective religious texts otherwise they are not Real Christians Muslims Hindus etc and have no right to believe in what they claim. So either all religious people are zealots or many or most are not what they claim. Though many people that claim to be religious seem to pick and choose what they do from their holy books, like they seem to pick and choose what science they believe. Which actually makes them neither religious or scientific.It also leaves all of those definitely claiming to be religious as zealots. I realised should make that clear by stating it rather than just leaving it implied. Europe has more than enough religious zealots of its own. Not sure about importing ones not even from European culture. Yes we can all say peace and getting on but if forces external to a culture or serious of cultures that Europe has built especially over the last 500 years to separate the state and religion and religion from education, why would we want to have people coming that want to take Europe back 500 years. And protest against outside schools etc to do it. Basically to impose rather primitive ideas on the education system in the UK.

I mentioned previously how culture and belief as well as DNA are an integral part of what constitutes a person and how they perceive the world and reality. As an example I gave an indigenous native of the Amazon in South America who thinks having their photograph taken stills a part of them. I said soul but but that would be what someone from outside their reality thinking in religious terms might say, put more accurately takes a part of what makes them who they are. I also talked about good and bad spirits of the jungles where they live etc tree spirits animal spirits etc. Which I know a lot of the people from the major religions in the world would call primitive beliefs. But actually they are quite a sophisticated set of beliefs. Just as sophisticated in their own way as any of the major religions or any other religions in the world. And while fascinating as are all religious belief is in many ways. To an extremely intelligent person who can think though different they all have about equal credibility, the indigenous Amazon native or someone of the major world religions, which is none. When I say someone who is extremely intelligent I am not just referring to myself if at all I mean that generally. Most extremely intelligent people mostly are not religious as far as I know and though maybe would not say so out of politeness and also thinking education scientific proof reason and rationality would work. Then many have in the past at Bertrand Russell who did so at just being one of the more intelligent extremely intelligent. You could describe Bertrand Russell as brilliance as he is one of the most intelligent people in the whole of human history who was friends with another who also did not believe in god Albert Einstein. Whatever people say at the moment the world needs brilliance as least as much as it has and maybe more so now. Brilliant minds. They actually do not in most cases because there is nothing reasonable or rational about religious or any other kind of beliefs. I do know or have a few people that are religious and good people also intelligent but they are more of a rarity and in many ways they seem to think in a more spiritual way rather than religious dogma, also they do not hate. Which seems to be something the religious and religions does excel at hate. Hate anything that disagrees or disproves their dogmas.

Avicenna philosopher of the Islamic Golden Age  AD 980 – 1037 “The world is divided into men who have wit and no religion and men who have religion and no wit.” Avicenna also known as Abu Ali Sina was suppose to be the greatest mind and polymath the Islamic world ever produced. He is also why the golden age of islam ended because people were thinking too much. And though Avicenna thought religion was stupid he did spend the rest of his life trying to prove god exists. Waste of a great mind and surprised he survived writing what I just quoted. Then I do not know how public he made it, and Islam was trying to prove it was tolerant of ideas while he was alive.

Moving my mother to the sun. After looking at lots of places in 3 different countries my mother pointed to my computer screen and said I want one of those there. It was actually a villa in Spain about 20 minutes inland from the Mediterranean in the mountains. I was actually quite surprised because I thought she had been looking at somewhere around Granada and an old property. I had already booked flights for my mother and Paul to Granada airport in Spain. So I loaded up the Saab 93 saloon I had recently bought for the purpose. They are extremely large hatchbacks and with the backseats down like a small van. So in went her things winged leather chair, shower stool toilet stand and as she insisted only a few of her clothes, and some of Paul things. Though that was quite funny because my mother said to me don’t let him try and bring everything with him. The reason I had already booked the flight was my mother was getting very insistent and kept asking everyone when is Russell moving me to Spain. In fact Richard did not want her to move he only relented when my mother kept asking him the same question. So I I jumped in the car fully loaded with my mother’s and Paul’s stuff an atlas of Europe a ferry booking and a few contacts of estate agents in the area my mother had selected. I had already checked that the area and Spain had a national health service similar to the UK and there were a few hospitals within the area with specialists, nearest hospital was 20 minutes away by car and was highly ranked. Enjoyed the drive across Europe even though I was on a time schedule. But that was the point in the way of having one. Slept in the car and then drove again. Got to the area in Andalusia she told me to go. Found a nice Spanish hotel with a tapas bar underneath and started looking for the villa she wanted me to find. White walled villa with a swimming pool for her grandsons with even room for all the family to come and stay at Christmas.

Might sound a bit of a wild way of doing it. But I have travelled a bit and whenever I had generally had no set destination or anywhere to stay just hear about somewhere that is supposed to be nice get there and then find somewhere to stay and then wander off to somewhere and find somewhere to stay. Generally where ever I use to go people were very friendly and I would be out and about or sitting in a cafe or bar and someone would start telling about the place the good and the bad and places of interest and good places to go. Did even have to ask and no they were not sending me to places where they got a kick back like on my many trips around the greek islands they would say I aught to try this island or that island if I am living the one I am on. Also they would often recommend places to me and when I tried them and mentioned so and so had sent me, I often got free drinks and paid half the food bill. Seriously. In fact on Samos I decided I wanted to go the Ephesus (Ancient Greek city in Turkey). This is 2003 went to buy a ticket at a travel agent and they turned round to me and said student discount, I said no, they said young persons discount under 26 I think it was I said no. They said O really, they said they would give me the discount anyway, there normal ticket was cheaper they buy at the ferry the discounted one was ridiculous cheap. And yes stuff like that has happened a lot.

Right back to moving my mother to the sun. After looking at lots of places in 3 different countries she she pointed to my computer screen and said I want one of those there. It was actually a villa in Spain about 20 minutes inland from the Mediterranean in the mountains. I was actually quite surprised because I thought she had been looking at somewhere around Granada and an old property. I had already booked flights for my mother and Paul to Granada airport in Spain. So I loaded up the Saab 93 saloon I had recently bought for the purpose. They are extremely large hatchbacks and with the backseats down like a small van. So in went her things winged leather chair, shower stool toilet stand and as she insisted only a few of her clothes, and some of Paul’s things. Though that was quite funny because my mother said to me don’t let him try and bring everything with him. The reason I had already booked the flight was my mother was getting very insistent and kept asking everyone when is Russell moving me to Spain. In fact Richard did not want her to move he only relented when my mother kept asking him the same question. So I jump in the car fully loaded with my mother’s and Paul’s stuff an atlas of Europe a ferry booking and a few contacts of estate agents in the area my mother had selected. I had already checked that the area and Spain had a national health service similar to the UK and there were a few hospitals with the area with specialists. Enjoyed the drive across Europe even though I was on a time schedule. But that was the point in the way of having one. Slept in the car and then drove again. Got the area in Andalusia she told me to go found a nice hotel with a tapas bar underneath and started looking for the villa she wanted me to find. White walled villa with a swimming pool for her grandsons with even room for all the family to come and stay at Christmas. With ground around with a wire mesh fence.

So stayed the night at the hotel and then started ringing agents in the morning after having breakfast. Times ticking luckily the agents not only spoke English but were mostly English, bit surprised as inland Spain. Went and looked at a number with different agents over the next days and beginning to get worried that my mother and brother would arrive before I had a place from them sorted. Though worse come to worse they can stay where I was. The hotel entrance had a disability ramp and a lift. Though my mother could walk with a tripod stick, for many things it was safer and easier to use her wheelchair. Then the day my mother was landing in Granada I went to a different agents office and spoke to them and gave them the idea of what I was looking for and that I needed to look that day. They put a list together of about 7 villas. Agent was English and his name was Richard. Left my car at his office and he drove to 2 different ones. Better than the ones I had seen so far, but then told me he was showing me them in ascending older and was saving the best till last. I said Richard can you show me the best one as my mother is landing this evening in Granda and I really need a villa. He looked at me and said he was enjoying showing me them and he was having fun but will take me to the best villa he had on his books and he called it the airline pilots villa as the last person to lease it was an airline pilot. Perfect as it turns out 10 minutes out of town by car. White walled villa with ground around it and a wire fence around that fully furnished with decent furniture etc. Had seen a few with cheap shit or no furniture from some of the other agents. I say yes he starts driving back towards his office and he asks if I want to stop and grab a beer on the way. Ice cold lager, very nice. Get to the office and sign and pay deposit agent fee and first months rent. He then drive back up to the villa with me, helps me unload all the stuff out of the car and put it in the villa. Gives me the keys and then I ask where to buy food etc. He tells me where the best supermarket is not far from his office and then leaves me to finish up. Go to the supermarket and pick up some supplies, and then realise I do not even have time to get back to the villa and unload I have to drive to Granada which is 2 or was it 4 hours away and pick up my mother my brother Paul and my sister Janet had decided to come on the plane with them as well. So I am driving at night through the Sierra Nevada and there is 10 feet (3m) of snow at one point. I go from and A road onto the motorway and that is still like a rollercoaster ride through the mountains, great motorway just up and down and around the mountains. Know I am going to be late but nothing I can do phone starts ringing off and on then almost constantly, my sister Janet. Driving around mountains in the dark even on a very good motorway is not the time to answer the phone, and I never answer the phone while I am driving. I eventually hit a straight bit of motorway, quickly touch receive and speaker phone and drop it on the set next to me. Janet is like where are you, I say on the way. She says no rush it is a lovely warm evening here and we are sitting outside eating ice cream. Where the phone was ringing so much I thought they might have missed the flight or there was some other kind of problem. Arrive at airport load them up and back up through the Sierra Nevada and the snow and then down nearly all the way to the coast. Drive to the villa up the drive and pull up by the side gate, no step at the back door, also I had left all the outside lights on including the swimming pool lights, there were lights in the swimming pool underwater so it glowed azure blue and at night it looked amazing. When my mother walks through the side gate into the courtyard with the swimming pool. She turns around to me and says “Is this for me it’s wonderful, it’s beautiful ?” It was exactly the villa she had asked me to find, white walled villa with enough rooms for all the family to come down at Christmas . 

A few days later I find the best florist in town, which across the road from the supermarket, select a various collection of flowers some rather exotic and the florist who is Spanish makes a lovely bouquet out of them. €25 would been between £45-£50 in the UK I know as I used to sometimes buy similar bouquets for my mother. I had already bought a couple of bottles of wine from the supermarket, 1 red 1 white €7.50 and €5. They would have been about £15 to £20 each in England. Go into Richards office and give him the bouquet and the wine and say. ‘This is to thank you for all your help, my mother loves the villa and is much more alive and happy could not stand the cold, and loves the heat here.’ Richard eyes teared up and he just looks at me and then says thank you, nobody has ever brought me a gift for helping and sorting out things for them most people do not even say thank you. If anything they moan and complain and want me to do more for them and are even abusive especially when they think that should always come first before any else. Richard was gay by the way and was very upfront about it. He also realised I was not ‘hitting’ on him or anything. But being genuine and honest and polite and thanking him for helping to make my mother so happy. This is September 2009. Richard was one of the nicest most helpful and friendly people I met in Spain. When I gave him the bouquet and wine I also asked him what the area was like and where to go around there. He said if she wants to go out go outside the area and he also said do not talk to the expats around here as they are really not vey nice. I thought well mountains of Spain there are not many expats and most of the people are Spanish. I said have taken his advise, I thought they cannot be that bad. After all they put be cosmopolitan to move to another country especially around the Mediterranean. I was so wrong. Apologise Richard if you are still in the area not wanting to cause trouble for you. You helped so many times, including calling an ambulance when my brother managed to ring you when he had heart attack, and then taking the day off work to look after my mother all day, which I remember you said you really enjoyed sitting watching classic films with her all day. Even taking her to the toilet when needed. And how easy it was to look after my mother and how lovely she was. Also saying you did not know why Paul use to come into the office sometimes and say how difficult it was. Neither did I. My mother was as you found extremely easy to look after and actually fun too. It was probably that he was doing it all the time. Originally I was only suppose to come down once every month or 2 for a few days, though it did not workout that way and though they both loved living in the villa they always were happier and felt safer when I was down there. Also much more likely to want to go out somewhere. Staying most in the villa watching TV was exactly the same as they had been doing in England after my mothers illness so just the weather, sun, was an improvement. It still makes me laugh that she told you she would love a roast chicken dinner and not had one for years, as when I was down I cooked anything she asked for too, including roast chicken dinners. The only contention at the time was that my brother Paul was a vegetarian and would not cook her meat. And when she collapsed at the end of the day after talking to me on the phone throughout the day and you telling her as Paul was fine, it was a mild heart attack he was in hospital I never for one second blamed you on the contrary I was so grateful you were there for her and me and called another ambulance. And I am so sorry how much it freaked you out and how upset you were. My mother when Richard was going to put her to bed asked again where Paul was, Paul my oldest brother and her full-time carer. He told her and she dropped to the ground, knocked herself out and fractured her skull. There was blood everywhere apparently. Richard then had to call another ambulance that day for my mother and then got cleaners to come in and clean up. Richard charge me for the cleaners but not anything not a penny for taking the day off from his estate agent business. From what I can gather Paul had been not feeling well for a few days before he had the heart attack and the place was a mess, apart from the blood. I use to ring everyday and Paul always use to say everything was fine, which use to perplex me as often getting any information out of him was difficult. I remember Janet saying tiled floor surely are more dangerous for her, I said no actually she can walk on them more easily, on carpets here feet sometimes stick and she had to be caught before she falls. I tried to explain to Richard at the time she was terrified of outliving any of her children and might have collapsed on purpose, no I am not being harsh on my mother I totally understood why she might have because she often told me it was one of her fears. I was in London at the time desperately trying got get a flight to get down to take care of my mother and check on my brother. As it urned out when I finally got a flight to Spain I had both my mother and brother in hospital, at first 2 different ones and then both in the most local one.

How many estate agents have you ever known would do all Richard did for my family and me just on that day let alone all the other times he helped. And my mother lived happily there right t the end. In fact I stayed down far longer than I intended then, as she was getting much worse. We called an ambulance a week or 2 before she died peacefully in her bed. Just went to bed to sleep and never woke up. The ambulance that came up a week or 2 before she died had a doctor with it as it always seemed too. Think where my mother was elderly and had a serious illness it was policy in Spain to do this. Anyway my mother was sitting at the table in the courtyard by the pool and would not talk to him ? He spoke very good English. And he I assume knew her medical history, brain tumour operation, mini stokes etc, though we did say. He then said “We could take her to hospital but there is nothing we can do for her, and if it was me.” Looking around the outside of the villa and the courtyard. “But if it were me I would rather stay in this beautiful villa and die here if you 2 do not mind looking after her.” I said to him the reason we are here is to look after her, and we would both rather she died here at home in her villa than in a hospital. Paul kept thinking she would recover as she always had after a mini stroke, but I was getting more and more worried as she said she was tired and did not want to eat. By tired I think she meant tired as in she had had enough, tired of life. I was out buying a blender to liquidise her food to see if she would eat, though she did not even want to drink for last few days and kept saying no. My phone started ringing and ringing it was Paul and if anything had happened I did not want to hear it over the phone. When I got back to the villa Paul told me he went to get her up between 11or was it 12 in the morning and she was already cold. Paul said to me could we call the ambulance in a few hours as he wanted to spend sometime with her before they took her away. As it turned out when the ambulance came again with a doctor, though this doctor did not speak much English the ambulance did not take my mother but told us we had to ring an undertaker. We had assumed where she died at home they would want to do an autopsy, post-mortem. The doctor did mange to enquire why we called them and why not earlier. I mimed being asleep and said frio cold. I still had my my sunglasses on where I had driven back up from town. I didn’t want to take them off as I had been sitting in the courtyard smoking and crying and still was when the ambulance came.

This photo montage are shots of the villa I took when I first moved my mother there. Though we went out and bought new potted plants as they were all dead. If you are wondering why the shots do not have my mother or anyone else in they are personal same with all the interior shots, though I might post some later.

One thing that surprised me was that the Conservative part are still more popular and Labour according to headlines. Then I realised why the population of the UK Britain though many are unhappy having a Hindu Prime Minister culture and representation of the vast majority of the UK British population. They trust the Labour party even less than the Conservatives. They think the Labour party are going to open the gates of country wide and let a flood of immigration in from around the world. Of course people will say that that is rightwing mostly to discredit the idea. Accusing people or ideas of being rightwing against human rights racist etc is a way to discredit any intelligent conversation about anything.

Now I was rather interested in this idea that the UK Britain is a multicultural multi-racial and multi-religion country / countries. Since that is what is continued broadcast in the news media fashion etc I grew up with friends and acquaintances through school tech-college art school and university with people of different ‘races’ and different religions and without religion. Also one of my oldest friends from school who I am still in contact with was a musician / session musician / music producer of black music and currently a DJ. When I text him to say apparently people of being racist and intolerant he was shocked. As he has mentioned to me before that I am not racist and even if I was a little bit would still be the least racist or one of them of any person he has known of any ‘race’. He would also laugh at the idea I am rightwing etc.

Now looking at the factual data and thinking on it. The most recent I can find.

Religion UK Britain 2018

None 52%

Christian 38%

Church of England 12%

Catholic Church 7%

Presbyterian 2%

Other Christian 16%

Islam 6%

Other religions 3%

Uk Britain 

2016 6% affiliated e.g. Islam Hinduism Judaism.

So most people in the UK Britain are not religious and then 38% are Christians of different denominations. So if you take into account the UK Britain has been Christian culture since at least 800 AD and if you take in to account Roman Britain almost 2,000 years on and off. Then the vast majority of the UK Britain is atheist or Christian. 90% approximately in 2018. Which would mean only 10% of all other religions combined from all around the world would be 10% and less any of particular religion. Which most historians would say about the past, apply that to the UK Britain in 2018. Any historian would say the UK Britain in 2018 is a atheist Christian country with small enclaves of other religions. Not that the UK Britain is a multi-religious country / countries.

Multi-cultural well again looking at the stats using a historians perspective again the 2018 UK Britain is an Atheist and historically Christian country / countries with a cultural heritage going back 1,000’s of years and since the advent of the Renaissance and then The European Enlightenment and its evolution. With small enclaves of other cultures. Not a multi-cultural country / countries.

Multi-racial well again looking at the stats using a historians perspective though often referred to as ethnic groups again the 2011 UK Britain the last figures I could find 87% of the UK Britain is white down from just over 92% white in 2001. In 2011 so 87% white the next largest ethnic group being Black at 3%. The rest from all around the world making up 10%. Mixed race often saying Black Middle Eastern Chinese etc even if they are half white half black etc. So still the vast majority of the UK Britain being white ethnically and so not multi-racial. But with other ‘races’ ethnicities having small enclaves.

So why does all UK British media etc keep on about the UK Britain being Multi-Cultural, Multi-Racial and Multi-Religious. One thing I should probably make clear is that a fair number of the Atheists come from Black Asian Middle Eastern etc ethnicities, probably one of their motivations for apply for immigration to the UK. Taking inter account as well the UK Britain leaving the EU which I still do not understand, EU was more more Europeans coming to the country / countries of the UK Britain who were a majority white ethnicity and had very close historical and cultural ties and histories with the UK. Why are people in the UK Britain continually bombarded with the idea that the UK Britain is Multi-Cultural Multi-Racial and Multi-Religious. Now I know I am not rightwing or intolerant and looking at the statical facts this makes no sense. It is as though British Culture and its history and The European Enlightenment and its evolution is being intentionally smothered as is European Culture and history across Europe. To convince everyone in the UK Britain that Britain, Europe and the world is a multi-cultural and multi-racial and multi-religion country / countries when it is not. And of course any one that questions it is racist or rightwing. In fact it got to the stage where if I say I was attacked by Black or Middle Eastern etc non-white people I am called racist for complaining. O and being attacked and harassed by Black and Middle Eastern people etc came long before I ever mentioned anything about religion race ethnicity or religion.

2015 when I was i Greece staying in a hotel in Samos. Hotel run by a Danish woman married to a Greek man and her daughter who was visiting from Denmark who was a doctor. I came back to the hotel to find the front door locked and 2 women standing outside it on the terrace. They asked me if I knew when the hotel people were as they had a reservation. I said I would ring her and find out, which I did. They said you are English Yes. I said Yes. They went hmmmph. They then told me they were refugees from Syria I think they said. And I said O so you are coming to Greece. They said “NO we are going to Germany. My uncle is there and we have been texting and he has jobs lined up for us, and the rest of the people with us will get looked after by the German government.” I said your English is very good. They said we both have degrees and leant English. Apart from occasionally asking where this woman who runs the hotel is they do not say anything else to me, and never thanked me for phoning and telling her she had guests waiting. I seem to remember the Danish owner had given me a key to the front door in case she wasn’t around when I came back after going to Samos museum cafés etc during the day. But I was not going to let them into the hotel not my business too. I did mention she was a very nice woman who had been taking clothes including her children’s clothes to the local Church to help refugees. They looked remarkably unimpressed. If I was honest they both seemed somewhat rude and arrogant not only to me but to the women who owned the hotel when she arrived. They were neither particularly well educated or particularly attractive and lacking in manners. They had booked 2 rooms as it turns out for 1 day. Later I found out they took one room and six men turned up and moved into the other one. When I say the Danish hotel owner the following day she was both upset and annoyed because they had been rude to her. There was only suppose to be 2 people to a room and they had left the rooms like shit and filthy and it cost her more to have them cleaned than they paid for the rooms. Also apparently when she asked the women why they would not be applying to live in Greece they said “Why would we, why would we want to stay here! Germany we have jobs already lined up and the men will be looked after by the German government and we were texting and arranging things before we left Syria.” So they insulted Greece and had been using their mobiles and being encourage and told to head for Germany. They did say the only option was the UK but they preferred Germany. More like booking a holiday with work for them and free stay for the others than refugees. Really ill-mannered and rude as well and thought they had every right to everything. We thought after I talked about it with the lovely Danish woman. She also said you would not allow single day bookings anymore and if more than 2 turned up for a room she would call the police. I thought fair enough, I was surprised she wasn’t more pissed off. And I am sure the Germans will love this story which really happened in 2015 while I was in Greece. This is far from an isolated incident. And while the EU and Europe think they are helping people most of these people think they are entitled to everything and do not even like ‘white’ people or Europeans or Americans. Some have made it very clear that hate white people Europeans and Americans. I almost forgot the 2 Syrian women did tell me they did illegally enter Greece but they could as they were ‘refugees’ as I had asked them why they had not applied for a visa. They scoffed and said it was easier that way and if they applied legally they would probably be refused, they were middle class educated Syrians and were not without means.

Also I was a bit bemused when the UK Britain left the EU that lots of European EU men and women married to English men and women who had been living in the UK in some cases over 20 years and professionals with children were refused permission to stay. How does that work.

I remember when the idea got suggested by the government that illegal immigrates got sent to a holding facility in Rwanda or even settled there rather than the UK and all the human rights people went apeshit. One thing it did make me think was I do wonder how many refugees would be wanting to come to the UK in that case. Or if it was extended to everyone outside the EU that was applying to immigrate legally here that had no provable skills or profession. Not that I was agreeing with the Rwanda thing necessarily, but an intellectual thought process. And as I mentioned talking to an eastern European whose country was a member of the EU his very high classifications in his field were not recognised by the UK education boards or anyone else. Also the amount of builders working on private houses etc I have come across asking me ‘only english’ pointing at the street that didn’t speak english, and mostly non-European. I know for a fact that to work as a builder etc you have to at least pass a written health and safety exam in English before you can even work anywhere legally on a building even as a labourer. Let alone if ones skill qualifications from many countries transfer and qualify in the UK. After all everything in the UK is supposed to be to BS British Standards or at one time EU as well, in the building trade etc.

Then a woman who said ‘arrghhh I am not white, even if I look it’ was complaining to me that her cleaners did not clean properly and they did not even speak English so she could not explain to them what they should be doing. I said they are South American. But she seems very pro people coming to the UK Britain from all over the world as her parents did. Interesting when it is convenient I suppose. For all I know she has complained about me writing or just complained about me. More bollocks and lies from someone. Then since according to my stats nobody have ever really read this blog, another conundrum, since so many people have mentioned things from it. And I was brought up with very good manners and am nearly always polite and helpful, well except when I am being attacked or harassed, and then I usually ask what do you think you are doing. I have been called inspirational for my travels art and poetry.

Then I have always been amazed how many people that are pretending to be friendly to me, that think I do not realise they have been slagging me off and lying about me. Apart from being informed by a few other people not to trust them, 2 many coincidental things happening after speaking with them. Then I am flabbergasted how many people are actually really miserable nasty lying and backstabbing, and how often pretend they are nice people, especially with some of the things they have told me about themselves or accuse me of the things they do.

Now as I have mentioned I have a love of history as well as being an artist and into ecology etc and I am suppose to be extremely intelligent. I also am extremely good at understanding extremely complex and complicated ideas also was extremely good at mathematics, not so much with mathematics any more as I do not use it much. I have been aware for a very long time about certain things that will happen, like many others. Ecological problems pandemics wars famines etc… I am talking at least as long ago when I was in my late teens early 20’s. I also knew about the idea of ‘systems collapse’ but only recently heard about ‘complexity theory’. And that it has recently been applied to history among other things. ‘Complexity theory’ is a scientific theory it works out and predicts how systems work and where they are going. Probably the easiest way of explaining it though crude. Another way to look at it is taking ‘systems collapse’ further’ Anyway let’s say for sometime a number of people have known in disparate fields that certain things were going to happen. The Covid pandemic was not a surprise, or rather a major pandemic was not a surprise that it would happen. Virologist etc knew that there was going to be a pandemic sometime in the early 2000’s but they could not predict exactly when or what form it would take. By predict let’s say they were 98% certain of this. Like they are let’s say 95% certain there will be more and they will be worse in the next 20 years maybe 30. That is just one element there are lots of others. Thing ‘system collapse’ can do is look at numerous elements and at the probable results. ‘Complexity Theory’ can do even more. Now I can all hear well virtually saying yeah conspiracy, or god with save us. Because of course like me you are extremely intelligent and have read across vast fields of knowledge since you were 12. Well with interruptions having women I was in relationships trying to fuck with my head etc. Also when my mother became seriously ill that took a back seat. As most people did not understand most of the things I was talking about and did not seem to care. By the way my art was and could / should have financed what I intended to do. Well it still could. But I digress, see where all this theory takes us, all the complexities and elements is the 6th Great Extinction. Now really I suppose a very long time ago I was contacted as let say it was known I was brilliant not just as an artist but also intellectually and my career was being fucked by people that were not as brilliant or as intelligent as me, and that apparently I was informed is another element to go into math. When I say a long time ago let’s say when finishing my time at Middlesex university / art school or just after. I was informed of something else in the 6th Great Extinction there was a very high probability that all or most of Homo Sapiens Sapiens would go extinct. This I was sort of aware could happen but I did not know just how high a probability it would be. Because I am and a few other people like me though not in the same field art as also having the same thing done to them. So there would be no help or interference for me or them, to put it one way it has to be played out. Before you all start thinking you are one of the others you would know if you were, I have not a clue who or how many but I got the impression it is probably about 10 people or so. In fact when I started looking into this again I came across an article talking about a computer programme initiated by MIT in the 1970’s. That was set up to model and predict ‘the way the world would go’ it has as far as I know not being part of anything to do with it, been rather accurate so far. And I do not know what the predictions are by this computer programme are, but to the best of my knowledge it is still running. And I would assume if it has not already it will predict the 6th Great Extinction.

Now let’s go back to history about 50,000 years ago archaic Homo Sapiens became modern Homo Sapiens and were more intelligent and became more creative imaginative and developed more complex ideas about more or less everything. There are a few hypothesis why this happened one thing that was noted was that it seemed to involve the arteries going and coming from the brain enlarged and more blood flow to the brain. Though it is more dare I say complex than that more than one element was involved in this happening. And no not aliens etc. Now another that had been noticed it that 20,000 years ago on Homo Sapiens Sapiens modern Homo Sapiens were on average per population per capita more intelligent. Some have said it was because they had to memorise everything as there was no written language. Some extremely intelligent people think this is the reason. And in part it might be true. But memory is storage not processing and arguably processing power is the main element of what is called intelligence. At the moment you have a lot of people that think people that hold a lot of information readily available in their memory are very intelligent. But many or most of these people say quiz masters just memorise information then retrieve it they do not do or do not become say Einstein. They do not process the information they have and come up with anything new. say like again Einstein or Leonardo da Vinci or with his inventions Isaac Newton etc. Now the difference between modern Homo Sapiens intelligence levels per population being higher 20,000 years ago and now again is much more complex that these 2 reasons. Also the thinking that there are more ‘geniuses’ now because there is a much larger population now than there was in Einstein’s. Is not followed by the data and statistics to the best of my knowledge. Say in quantum physics there are not been a major break through like Einstein created. Also the thinking that lots of small processors to use that metaphor can understand and create those kinds of breakthroughs I would be dubious about. But that is me, and what do I know. It is also of interest that algorithms complex one that can process vast amounts of information can find new things, but do not think. They run probabilities and statistics to model likely outcomes. But only work with what is import and where they are pointed. Unless of course someone has really come up with real artificial intelligence. Which again to the best of my knowledge they have not. Or if they have they not implemented it. There is a great bowie song, The Saviour Machine I think it is called… “I despise all I have seen… my logic says burn… so send me away” or words that are similar. Though personally I neither fear or am worried in the advent of real artificial intelligence. Or how it is called General Artificial Intelligence.

I was going to say what I think the likely future scenarios are AKA the extinction or near extinction of modern Homo Sapiens which seems obvious to me. But what would I know. I will tell you it is not pretty and about the best chance for modern Homo Sapiens to survive is brilliance, that incredibly rare thing almost as rare as rocking horse shit. Crude I know but apt.

I will add one thing it could be happening as soon as 30 years. Which means Elon Musk’s Mars colony or Bezos any anyone else sky station is neither viable in that time frame or a moon colony. Not that they cannot happen or should not be attempted but they will not be self-sustaining or even if they could be in 30 years they will not be able to support a viable survivable population. In fact to set up viable populations off world or on Mars would take several hundred years with support from Earth at the present moment. Even if science and technology stave it off for longer than say 30 years the biggest problem in the long run is human stupidity. Then did not Einstein point that out many times many years ago.

You know it was not like I ever trusted that many people or expected to have many friends. I read a long time ago that if someone has 5 real friends they could trust they were lucky indeed. I always agreed with that. What I seriously did not realise or expect was just how many people lie and about so many things.

I must say who wants to be a piece or element in predictive data. I certainly don’t I wanted a good relationship with a woman I found attractive who wanted to be with me that I wanted to be with and mutual respect. Make art that made people think, which all good or great art should and make a living. If you don’t want to believe that bit believe the rest. Lots of scientists not only know about it but have been talking about the 6th Great Extinction for a while now etc. I must admit I never realised how much people hated me. Whether it is ex’s. Like one who stayed in touch with me. Usually moaning about the man she was with and how difficult he was to train. Who the last time I spoke on the phone with her among other nice things she said was “You hurt me you deserve all of this.” That was 2016 / 2017 we had split up in 2006 / 2007. She meant emotionally, which is still a bit rich considering she kept telling me it wasn’t serious and she was the one that ended it. Apparently as I found out while she was kicking and punching me and screaming at me ‘I was suppose to tell her it was’. She had invited me around to meet her new daughter and I thought the man she was with. That was at the house they leased in the area they were looking to buy or had just bought. But he was in Germany working. I was also invited around to see the house they bought while it was being refurbished. Which when I finally met him and mentioned it was nice to see the house finished after seeing it part refurbished he looked a bit surprised so I do not know if he was told I had been at the lease house or the house they bought before. I must admit it was a bit weird as she kept on telling me he really wanted to meet me and said she told him everything we did, everything. I said what with a sawn off shotgun. I would not or don’t want to hear about all the exploits a partner did with an ex to be honest. And everything we did she wanted to. But who knows if that got changed in the telling. But I suspect not at least at one time because I did meet him once she told me he really liked me after meeting me. I now realise I was supposed to be jealous and envious of the woman her new house partner etc. Not the envious or jealous type. I actually told her I was glad she was happy and things were going well. Which probably pissed her off more. One of the reasons I went round for dinner and stayed the night is on my search to find out what was going on and why I was being hassled and harassed. Also to ask her what she thought of my book I had put together on my art. The one that is now in The Tate special archive of artist books. Not that she bothered to really look at it opened the cover and a few pages, and said next to nothing about it apart from something like, I am sure it is brilliant I know your art and she also always thought I was extremely intelligent. I am also pretty sure a few of the people lying about me are women that hit on me and I was not interested in. Then again I would have to add among others. I am sure there are more lies about me floating around. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” an old saying, apparently also if you don’t think they are beautiful or you do not do what they want even asking one of the first people you meet who spoke was English for a drink to find out what the place is like you just moved your mother too. Then Bernadette Buckley one of my university lecturers and also a friend for several years afterwards, too intelligent too talented to many people like you including a lot of women people are bound to hate you. Bernadette did not put it quite like that and and it was far more flattering to me but the end was the same, people will hate you. I said you don’t do you, hate me that is, she replied of course I don’t. Then people seem to hate me and want to fuck me up I haven’t seen in over 20 years. That is some insane vindictiveness especially as they were the nasty lying people back then. Why I didn’t talk about a number of people I knew, I thought if I couldn’t say good things about them why bother. I still have the email from Bernadette after I sent her some of my fashion photography to see what she thought, and she replied “I see you are still surrounded by beautiful young women.” I replied ‘I shooting fashion they are fashion models.’ Bernadette was a theory and art lecturer as well as a friend I thought she would give me some feedback on my photography. The actual photographs as a whole.

One thing I just realised that I did not make clear the 6th Great Extinction is already happening and has been for sometime as are many of the other events elements which are supposed to culminate in about 30 years.

This not unusual in my life or it wasn’t. It was while I was at Middlesex University. Nigel had invited me to a party at his place. Nigel was a mature student in my year, and a lot of women said he looked like a perfect Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights. He had black curly wavy hair blue eyes pale skin and he was a good guy. He was actually going out with Alison Goldfrapp at one stage. In fact I was sitting in the canteen drinking coffee and smoking and he came and sat with me and started telling me him and Alison broken up and he did know why he thought it had been going really well. I said I don’t know. Now I wonder why he came and talked to me. Maybe he had seen the way Alison lit up every time she talked to me. Next time I saw Alison, as she was often doing music singing with people like the Orb etc or off somewhere doing art performance pieces. Alison was going out with Ed Underwood. Though did not stop Alison lighting up every time she talked with me. Apologies Nigel I don’t know if I ever knew your last name. So some context Nigel had invited me to a party at the shared house he lived. This is after the split with Alison. Nice evening and most people were outside partying and drinking. A woman came over to talk to me and then asked me if I was Anglo-Indian. I said what like Cliff Richard ? She said exactly. As we carried on speaking she lent forward and rammed her tongue in my mouth and started kissing me. This has happened a number of times in my life a woman ramming her tongue into my mouth why we are talking. So she is all over and quite attractive for about an hour then pushes me away and tells me she has a boyfriend who she is moving in with the following day. I go OK and we carry on talking and a while later I say are you sure you don’t want to kiss me again, which she does then while we are kissing she bites my tongue and says I told you I have a boyfriend and goes off. Tongue being bitten that was the only time that happened and it hurt. Later on in the night everyone is crashing out and I have to too as I drove there and have been drinking. So I wonder off around the house looking for somewhere to crash. I wonder into a bedroom with a double bed thinking good can crash comfortably. What I hadn’t notice was the woman the one who had been kissing me sitting in the corning fully dressed who then starts screaming. Next thing I know Nigel comes in and says what going on. I said I was looking to cash wander in and the woman starts screaming. She had stop by then says sorry and says you can’t crash here. I leave and Nigel says check some of the other rooms. I walk into another bedroom and there is a woman sprawled diagonally across a double, on top of the covers fully dressed. I say to her can you move over so I can crash too. She must have been really drunk where I disturbed her she starts vomiting. I was going to ask her to move over so I could crash on the bed. Just as well that didn’t happen otherwise she might have vomited over me in the night. I end up sleeping downstairs on the floor in the lounge. The following morning kissing screaming woman, I don’t know if she ever told me her name, comes down and wakes me apologises again and says she is leaving now. I say do you need a lift or are you sorted. She says thanks have a taxi on the way. I say I hope it goes well. Then go back to sleep. See Nigel and he tells me she said I offered her a lift and wished her well. He said that was nice and then tells me when they first moved in she wanted to get into a relationship with him but he thought she was a bit off. Not sure if that is in reference to her kissing me biting my tongue or the screaming when I was looking for somewhere to crash. Or now thinking back to Alison Goldfrapp. I know he did not think I was trying to do anything dodgy except find somewhere to crash sleep. And the woman who had been diagonal across the bed and vomited. For a while back at uni every time she looked at me, she looked like she was rather interested. Now this could have gone very different I now realise but did not give it a thought at the time because all I was looking for where somewhere comfortable to crash sleep. The woman who screamed or even just was kissing me and then pushed me away, could have started accusing me of almost anything then or after, as I now know. The kissing or me being in her bedroom. Same with the woman I was at Middlesex with who vomited. As said the kissing screaming woman apologised and thanked me for offering her a lift. She seemed like a nice woman to me, and she realised all I wanted to do was crash. Can’t remember if the woman who vomited said anything about that, think she was too embarrassed, well and rather shiny eyed for a while when she looked at me. In fact one of both could have got pissed off with me because all I wanted to do was crash / sleep. To me it was a sort of fun but strange night and all I wanted to do was sleep crash at the end of it. I have had several women do a similar thing start kissing me and then say she has a boyfriend push me away or similar, or something else. So I wonder off. And no this is not the only time a woman I was talking too lent, well lunged would be more accurate, forward and started kissing me, happened quite a number of times. I always find it a bit of a shock.

A woman who was a friend of a woman I lived with we were round at dinner. Before dinner she asked me if she looked better with her hair up or down. I had never seen her with her hair up before and said I think it looks better up. She cracked me around the face. I mention this as I still do not have a clue what could upset someone in normal interactions, almost anything can and then they can start slagging you off. I am not saying she did but she asked me a question and I gave her an honest answer. I suppose as she usually wore hair down she managed to think of it as some kind of insult. There is more to this story including her saying we thought she was like… Which I never had so… The other thing is her just cracking me across the face, it wasn’t a light slap. Why did she think that was OK to do.

I mentioned asking the woman who I use to be in a relationship, the one who said it was not serious, how the training was going. It is a sort of joke but also not really. Training is referring to the new man in her life and training him to be house broken and to be as she wants him to be. In her case she said slowly but really difficult of some respects. It is a joke I have make to a number of women I have gotten into conversations with who are married or with a man. Not every woman but a quite a number. They always laugh and say; well or badly or slowly or not at all. I do not think one have ever said I was being rude or said they weren’t training their man. I have known being in a relationship is to some extent compromise, before I ever lived with anyone. Reading talking to people who were etc. I was extremely well brought up. With excellent manners a sense of responsibility with the knowledge of what was right and wrong ethically. In fact even when I was 5 if I was asked I could have talked about it. Including women being equal to men. When I first went to school at 5 the split between boys and girls who were the brightest in the class and best at most subjects was about equal. Also not to laugh at people in any malicious or mean way. I remember there was a boy in our class Martin, why I remember his name. He used to have toilet accidents quite regularly. Basically poo his pants. A lot of the class thought it was terribly funny when he did. I did not I felt sorry for him. I was never a bed wetter or had that kind of accident. On a number of occasions when he raised his hand to get the teachers attention and so she would know it had happened she use to ask if I minded walking him to the toilet and made sure he sorted himself out. I did ask him why he did not ask to go to the toilet before he had his accident. He told it happened so quickly he didn’t have time. The teacher obviously did not mean me to clean him up just to ask him that he had properly. I assume she asked me to being a boy as well and also because I didn’t laugh at him when he did.

I realised I could tell a 100 or a 1,000 stories of women being friendly to me. I often thought they were being friendly even when they were telling me half their life stories, problems and dreams. Now I realise a lot of them were a little bit more interested in me than I realised. Which I actually find a bit depressing. Now I wonder how many were being friendly and how many were really hitting on me without me realising. It might sound like I am stupid but I am friendly to men and women and talk to them with absolutely no interest in them sexually or relationship wise. Let alone the woman that made it very clear they were hitting on me. I have had so many drinks and conversations with women that I wanted to talk to for various reason but not had the slightest interest in sexually or relationships. A small number I thought were friends and some were I hope. When I was about 8 or 9 my desk at school started having sweets and chocolates in it when I opened it, at least once a week this use to happen. Which I found a bit embarrassing as I knew they from one of the girls in my class. I am 8 or 9. In secondary school I mentioned it to a girl that was also in my class back at Junior school, she told me it was not just the girl I thought it was. There was about 8 of us doing it, we use to take turns. I was like “O”. How easily some people get offended or upset makes me realise that there could be 100’s of woman maybe more that would slag me off and lie about me. Especially the ones that hit on me I was not interested in.

I only finally realise Gill had been accusing me of things and lying about me because over the last 8 years different people I knew mentioned odd things about a woman that had to be her. In fact one of my friends mentioned I had never really talked about her to him apart from a woman called Gill I once lived with left me when my father died. No last name just that nothing else. He even said you don’t often call her by name just the first women I lived with. Another one was a woman that contacted me about 4-5 years ago 2017/2018 to ask if I would be interested in photographing her and another model for a magazine. And then another shoot of a film star actress again for a magazine. Could not make the first shoot. But did for the next one. Where I photograph the woman who had contacted me, the American film star and the woman whose flat we were using for the shoot. Who was a nude model and was pregnant at the time. So 3 shoots in a day when I was expecting one. We kept in touch the woman that had asked me to do the shoot until recently. Not sure how she found me to originally ask me to do the first shoot. But talking to her she asked if she could put some of my work on her blogs etc. Originally she wanted 4 different types of my work to show and promote one each month. They were sculptor / art installations, poetry, painting and fashion photography. Though at that time she only featured me twice sculptor one month painting another. She also told she use to be in a relationship with Russell Brand, which is why I assume she found me have a similar name. Apparently she wrote a book about her relationship with him and was quite angry about it as he was incredibly controlling of her. Another thing she told me was that her father was a Muslim and Egyptian I think who use to be very controlling and tell her she was ugly. I do not know about her mother as she never mentioned her to me. Might well be white English as she grew up in the UK but might not be. She looks very Mediterranean, say Italian, and use to be a fashion model often booked by a few famous designers for their shows on a regular bases. She isn’t Muslim herself or religious from what I can gather but more spiritual. She loved my art poetry and fashion photography. I obviously asked if she knew anything about me, if she had heard of anyone saying anything negative about me and she said No. But apart some vague reference I realised was too Gill though she never named her, at the original shoot we did it was while messaging with her and some of the things she mentioned indirectly that Arielle / Ava or whatever name she is using now is definitely the person that was accusing me of something and lying about me. I did think the woman would eventually tell me directly what was going on but she never has. Though she kept claiming to be trying to help me. In fact it was only after I realised that Arielle / Ava a woman who was suppose to model for me but instead decided she wanted to be in a relationship with me as she was going to commit suicide until she met me and would if she was not with me. I wrote somethings about Arielle on my blog, that an ex of her’s got in touch with me and told me lots of things about her including that she really had been sections, she was diagnosed as a pathological liar narcissist and psychopath. And had a history of trying to destroy the lives of ex’s particularly, but had other peoples as well. He also informed the police knew about her because they turned up at his house and was sectioned afterwards in 2014. In fact all the stories I told the woman about the only person she ever commented on was Charli Howard she said she had definitely not and she had apologised to me in an email already as I had showed her that too. As well as the 22 year old who worked at a hotel I stayed at in 2015 in the UK. Who had kept telling me she was over her last relationship and ready for her next one, and that I told her I was too old for her. I had a go at for taking this piss when I kept in touch with her and she wanted me too and encouraging her to read even more maybe go o college university and to travel. That I sent her a teddy bear to apologise and say how sorry I was when the 22 year old told me she had been raped by her grandfather and woke up every morning thinking about killing herself etc, I told her about the 22 years old years ago including forwarding the email to her where the 22 year said she was raped by her grandfather etc. I even asked her did she think I should have given it to the police at one staged talking messaging with her. And lots of other things. So this woman who claimed to be trying to help me and knew all this and a lot more including about my mother. And she kept insisting she knew nothing about anyone accusing me of anything. The woman is late 30’s early 40’s and now married with 2 children I think and now lives in Australia…. I will continue this as there is more but I have to go… Though this should be at the end I will quickly mention it… I finally realised there is a network of women involved in spreading lies about me and accusing me of things that never happened. O there are other networks doing the same things not just women… but as I said I have to go and will write more later.

She once told me I was exactly where I should be (which like the ex who said “you deserve everything that is happening to you, because you hurt me.” (emotionally) and I asked what did she mean she replied that I should read Marcus Aurelius The Meditations. I said I read a lot of philosophy including the stoics but not Marcus Aurelius. But why should I be content with and learn to live with my current situation when I am being harassed lied about and accused of things I have not done, and being a world class artist and world class fashion photographer and having my life fucked up by lies. She said Marcus Aurelius The Meditations is one of my favourite books. Another time she said write a book about it all then. I realised this has to do with her writing a book about her time with Russell Brand and nobody taking any notice. Thing is the more lies and accusations I can find out about. I can prove they are lies. The same as I can prove most of what I say is true. I am still thinking this woman who now lives in Australia who asked me to do some photographic shoots, is probably a good person at heart and will actually tell me what she knows. And as I pointed out to her on a number of occasions how come if I had done any terrible things in the past why was I asked about anything by the police or taken to court. I actually told her I would love to go to court as I know I have not done anything wrong, so there is no proof that I have. Another time talking to her she sent an email saying Ha Ha Ha you still making art. I was like what the fuck. Then this is relevant because I had mentioned about my poetry book online, and a few days later I am walking through a shopping centre in London and an Indian couple walked past me and as they did the woman said “like anyone would buy anything by you after what you have done.” Now they did not look at me or in my direction as they walked past so I could not say ‘pardon me was you talking to me’ or anything else but ! Though people have said things directly to me and made it very clear what they are talking about as well as continually hassling me. Why not go to the police you might say, well I have several times including twice in 2015 to a central London police station and both times they told me to go away. Though the first time when talking to a mixed race police with plats he started going on about other things and I said what are you talking about I haven’t done any of them either he wasn’t accusing me of anything just starting going on about things. I remember exactly what he said and at the time I was thinking ‘what the fuck’. And seemed to find the fact I was being harassed funny. As they did the second time. So this woman who apparently loved my art etc and was trying to help and continually telling me she knew nothing about me but my work / art etc and what I had told her. Then more recently I dropped her a line and went through what the mixed race policeman had said to me and said if people are accusing me of these things they are rubbish. Then a few days later I find out anther woman is accusing me of things that never happened also that she knew me for a few years. A woman who modelled for me once for my art projects and for some reason started dumping all her traumatic shit on me and I got annoyed. Also this was back in 2009 so why was I being asked about it now 2021, 13 years later. Which made me think several things so close after emailing the Australian woman a few days suddenly that. That this woman who modelled for me did not go to the police in 2009 because apart from modelling for me dumping her shit on me and me being annoyed with her nothing happened. Well apart from me realising there was something serious wrong with her. Though I now am sure she has been spreading these lies to other people and online since then. Then another woman I actually knew did a similar thing to me, dumping her traumatic shit on me and saying but I like talking to you. Because I was pissed she did. A woman worked with in fashion not a model and was supposed to be a friend or so she wanted and claimed. I did message her afterwards saying ‘I am not your psychologist, your psychoanalyst, not your father, your brother, your lover or your partner and I have no idea why you think yuo can tell me what you did it is out of order.’ She decided to do a degree in psychology sometime later. I know because she asked me if I would be one of the people to fill in her questionnaires. Never replied to her. One because I didn’t want to communicate with her, also because I thought it was a bit strange someone that really needs to see a psychologist or some kind of therapist instead studying it. So 2 different woman dumping their traumatic shit on me, which I actually told me I found rather distressing. One accuses me of the kind of thing she told me happen to her though not as severe as she said happened in her past, the other one goes and does a psychology degree. Hopefully she does not practise as a psychologist. Then again as I mentioned someone asking me if I prefer their hair up or down I got cracked across the face for saying up. I like talking and I talk while I work with people, that does not mean I should have people drop the worst traumas of their life on me. I help people when I can, a bit of advise buy them a drink and encourage them to be more optimistic and go for their dreams etc. But I am not their counsellor, psychologist, therapist psychiatrist etc. I am positive I have people accusing me of things that are total fabrications because at least 2 of my ex’s, who most people would describe as beautiful or extremely beautiful have lied and accused me of things. Both of whom have psychological problems, at least mildly serious all the way to severe. That is without the people that seem to have problems with me because they are religious or have problems with me because I am into the environment. Oil man standing by my car in London in 2015 telling me randomly the price per barrel had dropped 50%. The I have had lots of what I thought were random conversations with people telling me things.

Sitting in the garden of a pub in London having a drink and some food. The woman that served me comes over and says to me “do mind if I join you I am on my break.” This 2011. I say no. I like talking as I have mentioned she seemed friendly when she served me. Nice conversation while I am eating and drinking. She is about 24 or 25 nice face nice figure, long dark hair up in a bun. She starts talking about people working in a hairdressers / hair salon. She says she use to work in one but left because she could not take it anymore. She was saying they bitch moan and slag off even clients they like. Even each other when one of them is not around. She people joke about hairdressers and spreading gossip and being bitchy but it is joke. She said they gossip spread gossip and lies bitch and slag off people even ones they like, and if they don’t like you they will say anything as long as it is nasty. I said is that why you are working here now. She says yes, she is trying to decide what to do now. I said you could alway going to university you might well enjoy that, learn something and meet some interesting people. She said she had thought about it. Then told me she lives with her boyfriend who is Brazilian, but they are more like friends now and she is deciding what to do about everything. I think she is nice but a bit young for me. Well she was being extremely friendly and was telling me she was thinking of splitting up with her boyfriend and it was the first time I have ever seen her working in that pub, one of Blackheath I used to go in quite a lot. I am usually a bit dense about whether a woman is interested in me hitting on me unless they make it extremely obvious even when they tell me half their life story. Also most places I used to go in London and elsewhere cafés bars restaurants people use to be friendly to me. Particularly women, smile and tell me about the place in countryside I was. Usually by saying you are not from around here. Back to the woman in the pub garden. After a bit more chatting she finishes her drink and says better get back my break is over. never saw her again, working in the pub or otherwise. Then they I used to go in their quite a bit it was on an irregular bases.

Then sitting in a coffee shop in north London a guy sits next to me and starts chatting. Said he use to work in China and it is surprising how many Chinese are Christians. I said really he said yes. I thought being a Communist country there would not be many. He said lots. Chatted a bit more he finished his coffee and left. Strangely a few years before 2015 / 2016 I was staying in a hotel in London and there was a little bit of an atmosphere. In fact I was standing outside having a cigarette and the police turned up and apparently 2 guys had got into a very serious fight over something. One of the policeman also gave me a filthy look when he got out of the car. I found out about the fight afterwards. Now there were also a few hundred Chinese tourists staying in the hotel as well. Though it was none of them that were fighting. But they did hassle me a bit and kept looking over when I was sitting and having a drink and making comments. Including Odysseus good looking Haaaaa!!! Since nobody supposedly reads my blog and or hardly anyone has ever according to my stats. Stranger still the Chinese and then a few years later someone quite randomly telling me a lot of Chinese are Christians. Coincidence. I am thinking coincidences less and less. Also why did the policeman getting out of the car give me a filthy look I was nothing to do with the fight inside between 2 men.

I have lots more of these stories of people randomly saying things to me. Including a guy who was 65ish telling me he was a Parliamentary lobbyist and he knew I knew things like he did. That was while smoking outside a pub. He did say quite a bit more. And yes he was middle upper class obviously well educated and dressed and probably was a lobbyist. He also implied well mentioned people trying to discredit me and anything I say.

I am sure I still have people making up or spreading lies around me. Morons on mobiles. Why is it so important to fuck me and my life up. I have a few ideas about that. I must admit I think these people are pretty much scum. But so how many different networks are spreading lies about me, religions, women, anti-environmentalists, men and a few more.

Though I have a lot of these stories that seem random. One more for now. having a cigarette and a drink outside the pub at Blackheath think this was around 2016 and a guys starts talking to me he had been walking past. He asked me what would I do if I was the richest man in the world. I started laughing and he said you never know. So I gave him a simple cliché world peace. He said a bit of a cliché I expected something more from you. I said what do you do. He said he worked for Tesla though not selling cars. I said O. And then he wandered off. He was English.

Being an artist. I have been making drawings and paintings since I could hold a crayon. Artists real artists work with all different kinds of models for different reasons. Or ask to draw or paint them for all different reasons. Durer is one of my favourite draughtsman, draughtsman as in drawing. He apart from writing 5 books on theory also drew all different kinds of people old young beautiful ugly. Many of the models I have drawn photographed or painted is not because I thought them beautiful or even found them in the least attractive it was because they fitted and idea I was working with. A year or so I was at a gallery opening / show opening private view at Sadie Coles. Didn’t think much of the art in any sense including aesthetically or intellectually. But a woman was staring at me I vaguely recognised and I said I know you don’t I. Turned out she was in art studios in Hoxton 2002 / 2003 the same time as me and she said I had asked to cast her feet. I said yes probably as I wanted to cast feet and hands for a series of projects. The one she acted was as though there was something untoward about my request. Now the reason I asked her which I obviously did not say at the time of asking or when I run across a year or so ago. Was she was skinny, and I thought she would have a well defined bone structure foot structure showing where she was so skinny, as I had noticed with her hands. Incidentally she was also remarkably unattractive. So what she thought my agenda was apart from casting her feet I have not the least idea except her own weird mind and stupidity. And even woman that have modelled for me that most would describe as attractive in general to look at were annoying vain irritating narcissistic and not very bright, so totally unattractive in any sense to me. Also having been to 3 art schools university it was not unusual to have fellow students and even lectures sometimes as models in my work / art. So assumed the same with people I was in studios with. I do have a love of intelligence and beauty, quite classically Greek. But skin deep beauty whether of a woman or man is incredibly ugly. Another example of me asking someone to take their photograph this was for the faces project. Paintings of peoples faces. Was walking past a bar on a Greek island in 2015 I saw a woman who worked there with an unusual face. A type I had not seen before it was very flat and square with high cheek bones, she had slightly tanned skin blonde mid-length wavy hair and blue eyes, she also had a necklace on with spiky point radiating outwards, that worked as an image. I assumed it was a very particular look from where she came in Europe. I should have just photographed her as I walked by but didn’t. Another day I went it was actually a very nice bar and asked her if I could take her photograph, she immediately said she had a boyfriend and replied she had an interesting face and I was an artist and photographer. She obviously thought that I was asking because I found her attractive, which was not the case, she came from one of the countries around central Europe. If I had wanted to photograph a gorgeous blondes face I would have photographed asked to photograph the woman that worked in the restaurant next the bar on the waterfront who not only had a lovely face but when I asked her what the food was like gave me a huge smile and sort of gasped in rather a flattering way to me. Who was Russian though spoke perfect English and was very friendly. Why I never photographed her, the Russian I have no idea. I did eat their at a later date and both the Russian and the Polish woman that worked there were incredibly friendly and told me to come back anytime as they loved having am as a customer.I eventually got a shot of the woman with the unusual face with her smiling and looking quite different from the first time I saw her, but thought it was pretty useless for what I originally envisaged a painting to be of her face. The faces project of mine is supposed to be about different types of faces, both men and women, with different looks and people that would not particularly be painted by a contemporary artists.

Not that it should really be relevant but this is a photograph of me when I was 18 taken in a photo booth for my Chelsea School of Art Student card.

I had curly hair at the time and having been a swimmer and gymnast at school I had a 25 inch waist (63.5cm) and a 42 inch (107cm) chest, and a number of women mentioned I look like a sculpture of a classical Greek god, they meant face and body they made that clear. Now I have put on weight and lost weight through my life often to the complaints of women, and not just the ones I was in relationships with. In fact I remember a couple of women complained to me when I was at Middlesex and put 2-3 inches on my waist so it was 28 inches and said I didn’t look as good, as it also meant I put a bit of weight on my face and my bone structure was not so clear and chiseled, their words. I have had this face since I was at least 18 and apart from putting on weight or losing it it has not changed much and yes I have gone back to having a 25 inch (63.5cm) waist many times in my life, and could do so now. But often find it a pain and causes me trouble rather than it is particularly difficult for me to do. Also when I cut off my curls and slicked my hair back a lot of woman thought I looked like an Italian Vogue model, that was Middlesex Uni, and not one of the boyish looking ones but the more traditional rugged beautiful ones, again their words. And all these comments came from women that were rather attractive themselves and with rather lovely figures, generally as or more attractive faces than the fashion models I photographed shooting fashion, and definitely my attractive figures.

Now let say quite a lot of very attractive woman have hit on me in my life, then if I wasn’t interested for whatever reason or even if I was but bad timing seem to have been put out or even then been nasty about me. I did my first year up in Wales because I wanted to be on that particular degree, but then decided I wanted to be back in London and transferred to Middlesex for my 2nd and 3rd years. One of the men I was at Middlesex with Ed knew someone that was doing the course I transferred from and told me he had been told nobody liked me there. Which was news to me as a lot of people wanted me to stay and not transfer. One student I knew up in Wales, think is was a mature student but might not have been. Mature students were classed as that if they were over 25 years old. Anyway we are walking along talking on Newport high street the biggest town in the area and he turns around to me and says; ‘When ever I see you walking down the high street I cannot help thinking you look out of place. You look more like you should be walking along the Champs-Élysées in Paris’. Which did make me laugh but was also a bit alienating. As I said to him I have not walked along the Champs-Élysées in Paris in quite sometime. As I had before in the past, but I knew what he meant. As for nobody liking me when I was a student up in Wales, well a number of the women did as they made very clear. Sarah who was supposed to be the most attractive woman in the year above me, when I was round her friends house though it was just the 2 of us in the lounge kitchen at the time. Told me she was going out with a 3rd year who would be leaving at the end of the year and said she wanted to be with me when he left. She also told me as soon as she started in the 1st year he had been pursuing her and they eventually got into a relationship. She said she really liked me and if I wanted next year we could be together. Now Sarah was attractive and seemed a very nice person she also had a gorgeous figure, probably 34-23-34 inches (86-58-86cm). If you are wondering how I could work out Sarah’s statistics, that is because a lot of the woman I had seen, gone out with, before had similar stats. Sarah was also probably a C cup, though could have been slightly smaller or slightly larger. While Sarah was talking to me she lifted her top and showed me her lacy white bra, which rather surprise me. Not that she needed to as like the rest of at least the art department if not the whole university knew how attractive she was a number of people had mention it to me. I said is it a making set and she said no, and then lifted her skirt and showed me her knickers. As she said “Marks & Spencers white cotton knickers comfortable and look good too.” By the way this was extremely unlike Sarah to do this, she came from Bromley and seemed quite shy in some ways. Now I transferred back to London at the end of that year, but I did go up to Wales for a performance festival in Cardiff and on the way back dropped into my 1st year uni and I saw Sarah while there and all she said to me was, “what are you doing back here ?” Now for all Sarah knew I had particularly dropped back into to see her and talk to her. But when she said that to me I didn’t bother. Now another woman in Wales not on my course but at the same campus who many students had described as a blonde bombshell asked me to have a drink with her and I said cool. We arranged to meet in a local pub in Caerleon that evening at 8. I went along and eventually realised she was not coming, and ended up have a drink with 2 women also students. When I saw her again I said you didn’t show and shrugged. She then told me ‘everyman she had asked for a drink which was about 2 were somewhat exited at the idea, and I didn’t seem to bothered.’ I apologised and said I wouldn’t have said yes unless I wanted to. But we left it at that. A while later I was sitting in the canteen and the blonde bombshell and one of her friends sat down with me, and the blonde bombshell said it was her birthday today. I wished her happy birthday and her friend said “aren’t you going to give her a birthday kiss.” So I lent across the table and gave he a very gentle kiss on the lips, though our lips sort of stuck together as I pulled away. Her eyes went all gooey and out of focus and she went OoooooH. Now sitting on a table next to us was a couple, a man and woman who thought they were a lot more than they were and I knew did not think much of me. As I looked across as they had been watching and listening to what happened and the bombshells reaction both their mouths dropped open. The the bombshell said to me after the Oooooh I am seeing someone now but my friend has just broken up with someone. They were not the only women who were attractive who liked me and told me so in a place a year later I was told nobody liked me in.

Now a few years ago at the local Tesco’s where I am now, apart from having knuckle dragging morons harass me every time I walked by on my way there. I came out of the Tesco’s and a woman started talking to me about paint balling at at paintball centre, we laughed and joked and I walked off. I looked back over my shoulder and she gave me a huge smile and waved, I smiled back and went home. I was looking scruffy with my hair up in a ponytail. She was one of the most attractive women I have seen in this area the whole time I have lived here before or since. She had a shapeless jacket on and jeans but obviously had a very good figure. Long black wavy hair and blue eyes and a good face, she also had a very good sense of humour. I went home and then thought if nothing else I should have asked her if I could photograph her for my faces project. So I went back with my camera and 2 Indian guys one with silver hair were obviously trying to hit on her. When I arrived she turned and started talking to me. The Indian guys said why do you like him. She turned around to them and said because he looks like an action hero. Her words. I mentioned about taking a photograph of her and she said not here. I then as it was obvious what was going on asked her how old she was. She for some reason signalled with her fingers 23. I went O, Thought a bit young and said let’s leave it and walked off. This was at most 3 years ago. Admittedly my waist was down to about 32 inches (81cm) at the time, though it has gone back up. What I realised afterwards and too late was that she was not working for the paintball company as she said, or rather was but was a promotions model promoting their business. And it was not just because she thought I looked like as she told the 2 Indian guys, an action hero it was also our interaction before as we talked and laughed hence when I looked over my shoulder her giving me a huge smile and waving.

Though the Brazilian model was probably the biggest miss in the last 10 years or so. She was around 26 to 28 years old dark hair pale to olive skin and looked more northern Mediterranean. Maybe it would be easier to tell it as it happened. Darren ‘pony’ Smith a supposed friend of mine had with a few other people leased an old industrial unit on the Hackney Rod in London and converted it into a photographic studio on the ground floor and live work spaces upstairs. I dropped by and parked on the front and was outside in the car park having a smoke. Darren had been around and then gone off to do something but said hang around. While I was smoking outside part of the shoot team came out for a smoke and we chatted and laughed, make up, hair and their assistants. The make up woman told me she often worked on shoots for Vogue Italia but when she was doing other shoots that were not so prestigious but for money used a different name. As some of the more commercial shoots she did would not reflect well on her career. She said it was quite normal practise in the fashion industry. I had been shooting fashion by then and we talked and laughed a bit more and then they went back in to carry on with the shoot. Darren came back out and we chatted then disappeared off and said if you are going to stay we could have a drink after the shoot goes and if you don’t want to stand in the car park you can sit in the waiting room out of the way. Which I did though popped out a few times to smoke. One of the times I saw the photographer Richard Stow who though I had never met I had messaged with. Richard Stow always struck me as quite a cool guy and I had been told a lot of models had a thing for him as he was rather good looking. O the reason I had messaged with him was because a model he was friends with had said she would let me cast her face then never turned up so I could, she was also a friend of one of the models I had photographed and got published. Both the models were with Models1 at the time and I had chatted to the model who had agreed to model for a piece of my art but never turned up and said she did not want to come alone, I said bring a friend I want your face nothing else. She never did I sent her a longer message explaining a few things. She was really off and since I had already messaged about photography with Richard Stow I dropped him a line as I thought I had upset the model. Right back to seeing Richard Stow in the car park at Darren’s studio. I went to say hi and he didn’t even look at me and almost looked like he was having a fit or seizure junking as he walked. I thought weird. Later I am sitting in the waiting room and talking to Darren and this rather gorgeous woman walks in and starts asking me ‘how does she get to Old St.’ I say I don’t know the buses around here Darren does. Darren starts talking to her and she totally blanks him. And carries talking to me and tells me she used to be with a boutique modelling agency that had a couple of Mick Jagger daughters in and Gerry Hall etc and was like a celebrity model agency, and she was on their books but hardly ever got any work. Looking at her and having worked with a number of agencies including models1 I seriously wondered she was not getting any work. I did know the agency she was talking about and they had offered models in the pst but not any of the famous ones and definitely not her. She then said she was a a really commercially modelling agency now and worked every day, she was one of their top models and the shoot she had just done was for the agencies Christmas card to go out to all their clients. It was just her and another model for the shoot. I never saw or met the other one. Then she started telling me she was not like most fashion models and how did she get to Old St. Still blanking Darren. She was being very persistent and obviously wanted me to at least offer her a lift. I am not sure if it was just before or just after I had moved my mother to the Mediterranean but I was focused on her and making sure she had the best of life there, also any money I had was going there to make sure she was OK, so I was pretty much broke. So I didn’t offer the gorgeous model a lift who obviously wanted me to and from what she was saying wanted to get to know me. Richard Stow was a part of a bit of a cliques, a few photographer and a number of models at Models1. I assume they thought the same of me as the 2 people whose mouths dropped when I gave the blonde bombshell a birthday kiss and her reactions. Also know a lot of models thought he was hot I assume he was totally freaked out because the Brazilian model who was gorgeous wanted to get to know me, and was a damn sight more attractive and sexier than any of the models I had any contact at Models1 also struck me as much more sophisticated and charming, who were the ones Richard Stow was friends with. Also I assume the team I had talked to outside said some very nice things about me. It might have been just after I moved my mother to the Med as the suit I was wearing had a 28 inch waist and I had been walking in the mountains down where my mother was and got rather fit again. I told Zoe Barling about the Brazilian model at the time it happened and about Richard Stow’s reaction. Zoe thought I was insane at the time not giving giving the model a lift, though I did not tell her what was going on about my mother etc as that was personal. Like the Brazilian model blanked Darren a few years back when he mentioned it he claimed he couldn’t remember it so I assume he blanked it out. Then that was not the only time Darren saw a rather gorgeous woman being rather interested in me. Stupid of me really because if she really was not like most fashion models and wanted my complete attention and I had given her a lift, as she did seem to really like me, she might well have not been bothered I was broke at the time and actually helped including with my mother, and we might have had a wonderful relationship. So might well have done a disservice to her and myself.

Then Adam O this is Adam.

Adam one of my old friends from Middlesex, this is his model card he was a fashion model back when we were at art school he said to me a few times when we were out that if we met some women the sexiest most attractive one always seemed to like me rather than him. On Adam’s model card it says he is 6 foot 2 (188cm) which I asked him about as he is actually 6 foot 4 (193cm). Apparently he felt he was too tall. I always said ‘I don’t know. If I was a woman I would go for you.’ Then even at Middlesex some of the woman thought I was more likely to be an ex model than Adam and I haven’t got a clue why. As I said to them I have never been a model and Adam is one. Adam is also the friend I drove once to Sweden to rescue when his life fell apart after checking with my mother and brother it was OK and if an emergency I would drive from Sweden down to the Med. And then again to Sweden in a van with him to collect his things from there. Then Alison Goldfrapp was at Middlesex she obviously preferred me. In fact Adam and James both had a go at me several times at Middlesex because it was obvious Alison really liked me, and as I told them she was going out with Nigel and then Ed as far as I knew anytime I saw her. Then was even a woman, not Alison, that Adam really liked who when she split up with her boyfriend made it clear she wanted to see me, I said but Adam really likes you and I am one of his best friends so didn’t feel right.

Haven’t got a clue what is going on the woman in the room below me keeps banging on her ceiling not the first time she has done it and I am not making any noise. Obviously something wrong. Just started banging again. Then she did tell me she is an ex drug addict and she doesn’t seem too bright, though seem to think she is a nice person, then some of the things she has told me she has done in the past haven’t got a clue why she would think that. Then just as well nobody reads this as she has told me she knows some very nasty violent people. And I could do without even more people hassling me, then hammering on her ceiling is hassling me surely. And I don’t even know why. But that is hardly anything new.

Then one of the people I worked with on a fashion shoot 2007 very nice woman called Yumi Nakada hairstylist use to do Alison’s hair at the time. I asked her to say Hi to Alison from me. Yumi got back to me saying she spoke to Alison and said “Yes I know him what does he want.” I said ‘that is all she said.’ I mentioned it too James also at Middlesex, and he said “what did you expect her jumping and down being terribly excited.” No but I thought she might be a bit more pleased to hear from me. He then had a go because I never asked Yumi to say anything else to Alison, Alison Goldfrapp that is.

When I first heard the question that Elon Musk asked his want aspiring employees, I would the scientific and engineering ones. It took me a few seconds to work it out and the other answer in about 5 seconds. In fact when I first worked it out I wondered if it was some kind of trick question and I got the answers wrong because I found it so easy. After all I had not done any complex and complicated mathematics since I left school but I was suppose to be exceptional at mathematics. Both my answers I found out were right.

Once I would have never factored or questioned someone being religious in the UK Britain or the rest of Europe when it came to friends, relationships, justice the legal system and the law as it seemed extremely regressive. Now not so much it is now more a concern not just personally but culturally and across world civilization.

Then I never realised how much people lie and how nasty they are. Once I would have thought it was a small minority. I was talking with someone earlier today and we talked about social media among other things and I remembered this which I related to them.

Sitting in a coffee shop I actually now suspect people use to come to this particular coffee shop to talk to me. Might be wrong but so many people that sat next to me while we were on our laptops started talking to me and told me things about themselves or things they knew. Now it was in the afternoon and a woman sitting next to me started talking to me, she was a student as it turned out doing a degree in neuroscience / psychology. She was around 20 and we were talking about both psychology and neuroscience, she told me had she became interested in the subjects. When she was 12 or was it 14 years old she had to put it in nontechnical terms a nervous breakdown. The reasons this happened were to do with the people at the school she then attended and social media. Now at some stage which she never made clear she had either upset some of her fellow pupils or they had taken a dislike to her and started bullying her on the internet on social media. It is called cyberbullying they lied about her said terrible things about her and eventually drove her to a nervous breakdown. This was mostly girls at her school and some boys that did this. She left the school she was in, had to have therapy, learned to practise mindfulness and meditation and left all social media. Now when she was telling and before she seemed together and articulate, and she did say she was that she was not crazy and became more and more interested in psychology neuroscience and mindfulness. Partly I got the impression to try to understand how people of any age could be so revolting repulsive and lying through social media and also enjoy being so. She also said to me the kind of thing that happened to her is much more common than most people realise and she thought it was much worse than it used to be when people actually got bullied face to face at school or where ever and its effects were at least as bad or even worse. I got the impression she had research this area and as she mentioned to me the children that did this to her their parents were ‘my child wouldn’t do that’, where as they were. She said children adults woman and men all do things like what happen to her through social media and as she had already told me it happens far more than people think. Then other people read their lies and then pass them on. Which she thought was just as bad.

Then social media, all social media companies seem to claims social media brings people together. Where as there is a lot of research that says it actually causes divisions. And in this woman’s case the kind of people it brings together are not to the benefit of the world, the people in it culture civilisation or the future. Also these kinds of people seem to have absolutely no conscience or regret about what they do, the lies they tell and the damage they cause. It would be easy to think these people are just sick twisted sadistic individuals and just stupid low intelligence people and there are not many of them but that is not the case. Some might be like that, some might be zealots or extremist, but many more are what most people would call ‘every day folk’. Which is truly worrying for civilisation and any idea of the future.

In the same coffee shop a different woman was sitting next to me and she was talking about how demanding her children. I said from what I can gather now especially with social media and them seeing what other people do and what they have, they want everything. She said “yes”, then she said “but so do I, I want everything.” I did know what to say to that and drunk some coffee and got back to do some writing. I could have ask her what this everything was that she wanted and she might have listed some things. But that would miss the point, because this everything that some people want is a never ending desire to fill some void in themselves and their lives that everything whatever that is will never fill.

Then it always amazes me how many people that have claimed to love me, particularly women I have been in relationships with, though not just them and even in love with me and care about me. When it hasn’t workout then seem to hate me. Which if they really loved me would it really turn to hate, and what did they mean by love anyway. I have always thought that if a relationship doesn’t workout and love ends and I never see them again I still care about them at least in an abstract way.

What I did not mention when I was talking about putting on weight and losing it though it was implied. There has been a number of surveys done and I remember reading one in particular that said 89% of women like a man with a 6-pack and 92% said at least a flat stomach. It went on to say if the woman in your life tells you she does not mind a bit of a stomach she is lying. That one was actually in a woman’s magazine. Which does speak of double standards and hypocrisy with all the body positive about women. In fact some one said to me about this, ‘where are all the fat guy models’, all the male models have 6 or 8-packs. I must admit I have not checked out whether there are fat male models in fashion. I have known a few women that love women’s romance novels, they are incredibly popular, and the hero is always lean and well muscled and rugged.

In a humorist twist the woman I mentioned who had been banging on her ceiling really loudly and has several times when I was not making any noise. She just came upstairs claimed I was banging and making lots of noise. Not sure a soft touch keypad that I am writing with while sitting perfectly still can in any sense be classed as banging or making lots of noise. If she can even hear it. Then most people I have ever met that make lots of noise themselves often accuse and complain about people making noise when they don’t.

Now back to the story I told you about the woman that had a nervous breakdown at 12 or 14 because of online abuse by other children. As far as I know it is true and when it comes to parents saying my children would not do that when they obviously are. That would be unless they are genetically predisposed to be hateful and nasty, it is how they are brought up by their parents. To bring up a child with hate whether for ideas race or ideology it is a revolting thing actually totally repulsive. As is trying to make excuses for ones behaviour based on ethnicity race ideology or religion, background or class. It also shows a certain stupidity and lack of higher intelligence. Now all my stories I rite about myself are true and I work on the assumption that what people have told me is true. If people want to lie including women and say they never hit or propositioned me that is their problem not mine.

I was asked a while ago if I would do a mental health check by the people that were who were helping to sort out somewhere for me to live. I found the idea funny but agreed. The mental health worker I saw actually after talking to me said words to this effect. ‘You are very intelligent and obviously have no mental health problems, you are articulate, charming and charismatic and highly educated. Do you think you have any downside to this ?’ I said not as far as I am aware as I am also highly stable. Which they agreed after talking to me was highly likely. I could have said the only downside I am aware of is how much people hate me because I am very intelligent and obviously have no mental health problems, am articulate, charming and charismatic and highly educated though I did not. I did not even get into the fact I am also a world class artist and a world class fashion photographer and should not even be in a position where I need help with housing or get ask to do a mental health check, as people on a similar level to me, though I was and am supposed to be better than them and definitely more intelligent, in art and fashion are worth £10 of millions or even £100’s of millions.

Bernadette Buckley an old friend of mine and university lecturer that a few friends said had a torch burning for me for many years. Bernadette is a beautiful intelligent southern Irish woman with a lovely lilting soft Irish accent, though when I knew her she was going out and living with Jamie also a friend and lecturer of mine. Once said to me “when I see you drive up and get out of your car I feel like I am in one of those art house films from France or Italy. The kind from the 1960’s with Alain Delon in.” I said that is extremely flattering. She said but it is exactly how I feel. In fact when she said that I asked her where Jamie was as we were going for a drink, this is a few years after I had graduated. She “O Jamie cannot make it.”

This is Bernadette in 2016 in her office at Goldsmiths University where she now works and is married to an artist and had been for sometime, in fact I think she told me she had met him in 2006. The first time I had seen her in over 10 years. And though I never said she was beautiful to her or anyone else you can judge for yourself, and even if you do not think in this photograph she is because of ageism. Remove 10 or 20 years from her and what would you think. I also remember another time we met up and she was fuming, I could almost see steam coming out of her ears. It had been raining and on the way to meet me some builders had been catcalling her and shouting out come here darling. Bernadette apart from her face and mind also had a rather lovely figure but did not enjoy being harassed. It was summer rain and she was in a light cotton dress so it had clung to her. No excuse, and as I said to her even if they were arseholes and rude take it as a complement and ignore them. They are hardly worth taking up a few seconds of your fine mind let alone putting you in a bad mood. She said that “I am in a much better mood already now I am here with you.” Then we laughed about it.

Now a question to all the people that have claimed to be my friends and know me and know I am an artist, some having come to the exhibition I was in with among others Damien Hirst, Banksy, Sam Taylor wood as she was then. All the people that claimed I inspired them which include artists and fashion designers and a number of others. Why would they believe the shit I have taken years to find out I am accused of ? Why would known of them tell me what was going on ? Especially as generally the people accusing me of things are not intelligent or in the most case even have an education to speak of. In fact most of the people accusing me of things are whatever age they have seem to have the mentality of children. Arrested development and the reason they know anything about me is what I told them as they were hassling me. Sort of fuck off I am actually who I say I am and can prove it. That would include though not friends women that have hit on me very obviously which include Alison Goldfrapp of the band Goldfrapp, Baby Spice of the Spice Girls (though she never knew my name I am sure she remembers ICA 1998) and the Brazilian international model at Darren Pony Smith studios in around 2009 to name a few. 2 of the 3 mentioned actually had people I knew there at the time. The only one that didn’t was when Baby Spice Emma Bunton hit on me. Enough people commented to me about Alison Goldfrapp which was when we were at Middlesex. And then would I claim Emma Bunton had hot on me if she never did when lots of people knew and saw how many women including Alison Goldfrapp use to hit on me. Which if some of my friends were right would include apparently Bernadette Buckley burning a torch for me for 10 years. I think at least 2 of them make A-list beautiful women hitting on me. In fact James did say he remembered me mentioning Baby Spice at the time in 1998. In fact it was the woman sitting at the table next to me who told me who she was and later when I checked it was her. In fact the woman sitting next to me told me what Baby Spice and some of the others were doing at the ICA in 1998, EMI had hired the rooms upstairs for a private party and most of them had come down to the bar later. And I am sure that woman remembers this. How often do you think anyone sees an internationally famous beautiful pop star waving across the bar while bouncing in her seat and smiling at a man after bumping into them at the bar ‘accidentally’. Which is why that woman at the table next to mine in the ICA in 1998 pointed it out to me and who it was. I mean isn’t one woman who was already singing with internationally famous bands and later becomes a huge international pop star hitting on them enough for anyone why claim 2, unless of course it happened. Not that they were the only music women fashion models or actresses that ever expressed an interest in me, let alone other women.They say some guys get all the luck though I am not convinced it is either luck or a good thing. I mean even at art school I was already supposed to be better than any of the already famous YBA’s including Damien Hirst, and that caused problems to put it mildly. Let alone when I was actually listed as a YBA (Young British Artist) by a bunch of Universities including Oxford University. I mean even Bernadette Buckley in one of the last emails between us in 2006 / 2007 when I sent her some of my fashion photography photographs to see what she thought of them replied “I see you are still surrounded by beautiful young women” even though as I replied to her they are fashion models I am shooting fashion. I also told Zoe Barling about most of this when we were supposed friends back in 2008 / 2009 and afterwards. Then Zoe saw a few attractive women hit on me when we were out. So if you hear about anymore morons accusing me of anything you can guarantee they are lying. As I have said to the police more than once you really should check some facts, and investigate anyone accusing of anything. I would think they are the ones that should be arrested. Also why do you think that I keep getting listed through my life as brilliant at what I do ? Maybe because I am.

Like one of the recent my artist book in The Tate special archive of artist books.

https://library.tate.org.uk/uhtbin/cgisirsi/x/0/0/57/5/3?searchdata1=311329{CKEY}&searchfield1=GENERAL^SUBJECT^GENERAL^^&user_id=WEBSERVER

Or you could go to my about, surprisingly about me. Click on ‘Continue reading’.

Now this happened after Gill left me after my father died and then back in touch with me 6 months later. We were lying in bed and Gill told me she did not feel bad about treating me like shit just before my father died, leaving me 2 weeks after he died or saying my fathers death meant nothing to her. When I said to her that when she left me a few years earlier it really upset me and when she came back and was crying and sobbing at the door and telling me how much she loved me and was in love with me and we ended up in bed sex making love. She asked me if she could come back, I laid there and thought it was probably a bad idea. I also said since I had given up joint tenancy of the flat she could after I was attacked being with her and then she had talked me around to still live there with her. If she wanted me to leave I would, she said no she wanted to live there with me. So I said OK. When I mentioned that after seeing her again after my father died etc. She said “See it is your fault if you thought it was a bad idea you shouldn’t have agreed to live with me again. That was actually pretty typical of Gill after begging me to live with her again because I agreed to everything that happened after including her treating me like shit before my father died and then leaving me etc was some how all my fault to because I agreed to live with her again though I thought it was a bad idea. My fault. Gill had been brought up a roman catholic and educated at school by nuns but then given up her faith and was in her own head brilliant at transferring guilt, generally onto anyones long as it was not her. You know what she told me she felt guilty about after she left after my father died masturbating and thinking about me and all the sex we had. She told me very clearly that when she use to masturbate it was nearly always thinking about me and all the great sex we had. Out of all the things she could feel bad about or guilty about that, is that not insane. I think she thought I would be flattered out of all the men she had known it was she masturbated too. It actually made me feel sick and just made me wonder who the fuck I had lived with for those years.

True soon after being with Gill she had an immense multiple orgasm I don’t just mean one after the other that had already happened a lot, it actually turned into what looked like a major epileptic fit and lasted about 20 minutes or more. She told me after she had never had any sex like that or orgasm apparently her arms and legs went numb and she totally lost control of her body. Some time later years later after the last time I saw Gill and a few other women I actually looked at the stats about the average amount of sex a person has in their entire life. By the time I was 29 or 30 I had more than I think it was 4 times the amount of sex than most people had in their life. because the women I had known wanted to have sex with so much. One of the reasons I checked because I wondered why I was not really bothered about having sex, and only with women that really wanted to have sex with me. No I did not become impotent or anything I just realised it had to be cerebral and had to be about total desire for both of us. In fact I realised I had always been that way also why I thought what Gill told me was so fucked up.

The last time I ever saw Gill I think I had just transferred to Middlesex and we met up in Greenwich in a wine bar. We had a glass and wine and she started telling me all the reasons we should never have been together. I just looked at her and said ‘what is wrong with you ?’. We left and then she started crying and screaming at me at the bus stop “I never wanted to be with you and never loved you.” I said speaking not screaming or shouting ‘why the fuck did you keep asking me to live with you and telling me you loved me and was in love with me, did you think you were doing me a favour ?’ The bus turned up she got on it and went still crying. I left and headed off and later rung to make sure she got home alright and see if she was OK. Then phone rung for a while and then went dead. Since it was a hardline and was wired in I assumed she ripped out the wall or smashed it. Never seen or spoken to the woman since. Though I did think when she left me the first time after a few days of feeling like shit I actually started feeling better about life than I had for a while and when I agreed to live with her again after her crying all over me begging and telling me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me and I thought it was a bad idea I really should have just left. Still don’t see how it makes all my fault her treating me like shit and leaving me when my father died though and all the nasty things she said to me. When she left me then I helped her pack all her stuff and she went to live with one of her sisters. I just sat in the flat on my own in shock I was still in shock when we finally buried my father ashes as close to his birthday as possible. The only time I have ever been on anti-depressants only for 2 months after she left me and I left what was our flat. When she got in touch six months later I saw her for a while because I did not want to hate her. Surprised I did not want anti-depressants again after that but I was going back to art school university and was actually looking forward to life which I had always enjoyed.

One other thing that I think is rather relevant but have not mentioned when I was first with Gill before we lived together but were seeing each other. I told her I did not want to see her anymore. Later the same day in the evening I went around to the flat she was living in with another woman at the time to pick up a key to a spare flat I was told I could stay in as I was working on a performance with some other people. The other woman she was living with had the key. When I arrived the woman with the key said you better come and see. I was taken upstairs to Gill’s room and she was in a complete mess. Another woman came around and they both accusingly said to me what have you done to her look at the mess she is in. I should all I said to her was I didn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. They made me feel really bad and seemed to think it was my fault because I didn’t want to see her anymore. Gill asked me to stay which I did and we were back in a relationship again. A few days later Gill told me she was upset I didn’t want to see her anymore and actually then got fucked up on drugs, which I didn’t realise at the time otherwise I would have taken the key to the other flat and left. Gill then said we are back together again now so all is good as she had wrapped herself around me while we were in bed. What is interesting is apparently even not wanting to see a woman again other women then blamed me for what she did. So apparently I was in the wrong about ending a relationship. Which looking back would have been better ended. So according to those 2 women and Gill I did not have any choice about whether I was seeing her or not, if I didn’t I was a bad man.

I do not hate Gill and never have, I might not think very much of her as a human being but even now do not hate her. Apart from any other reason hate twists the person who hates and makes them bitter and I have met too many men and women that hate and seen what they are like. Rather repulsive. I have never hated anyone and general I have always gotten on better with women than men or so they said and I thought. Enough men have wanted to beat the shit out of me or looked like they did because I was with a woman that they would have liked to have been with or even just dancing surrounded usually by women. Not all men and women are like this but far more than I realised. It is also why when one of my sisters if I disagreed with her then use to accuse me of hating women it use to annoy me and seem farcical and highly manipulative. Then it is surprising how many women when I have said some woman really annoyed me for some reason have turned around and said you hate women. How being annoyed with a single woman equates to hating all women I have no idea as it is nonsensical. Another thing I am also aware of even women that do not like each other with gladly group together if one is saying something bad about a man whether justified or not. I have even talked about that with a few women and said you do not even like that woman and know she is a lying little shit why are you agreeing with her when she is saying something about a man. They replied it is a woman’s thing and laughed men are always in the wrong. It is like the training I mentioned before most women seem to think they need to train the man they are in a relationship with and house break them. As I have mentioned to a few women I am not a lap dog or a poodle I do not need any ‘training’ I was extremely well brought up and have exquisite manners. Most replied yes that is true but you are the exception not the rule, you are wonderful and yes they meant it and they made very clear how much by then wanted to get in a relationship with me. I can’t think of one woman I joked about training men to that actually denied it.

So if a woman complains about a man apparently the woman is in the right and never lies and the man is in the wrong even if the woman has mental health problems is a known liar and a history of trying to fuck up ex’s or any man that annoys them. That of course makes perfect sense (sarcasm) none what so ever. And of course if the man did a similar thing he would of course be told he hated women. Drug problems are usually mental health problems as most experts in the field know as it is a form of self-medicating rather than seeking professional help and prescribed medication if needed. But neither drug problems or mental health problems are an excuse for being a nasty lying person and doing bad things. Then nor is being stupid and ignorant an excuse for lying and doing bad things or trying to fuck up other people.

Gill was probably the least intelligent person I have been in a relationship with though is probably at least average intelligence maybe a bit higher or lower. I had never spoken about her except in passing saying at most a woman I once lived called Gill left me when my father died. After her I have always made sure if I could I had relationships with more intelligent woman thinking it would work better. Well yes errmmm. Then I use to think on the whole women were better human beings than men, now I think most men and women are just as bad as each other.

Several years back I read an article and then it appeared on social media it was about information storage. One that had been work on but not usable yet. Using DNA sequencing to store information. A 1kg cube of DNA storage could hold every bit of information throughout history to the present of human information currently available. Incredible. The possibilities are endless. I commented when I saw the article on social media that this kind of storage but a much smaller one could store a persons complete DNA sequence everything they had ever experienced and quite a few other ideas. And it could be stored within a persons body. The article was originally on Big Think and when I made my comment someone else replied saying that would that be amazing to be able to accurately store everything that happened to a person from birth onwards. I did say yes at the time. I would love to have an incorruptible storage system that could store everything I had ever experienced and if needed then play it back. So it would be private but when I needed to prove something that did or did not happen I would have it stored on my person and was tamperproof so could show events that happened. Though DNA storage has far more reaching possibilities just that though imagine everyone having one. It would be private to them but if they needed to prove or disprove anything the day, week or hour say could be displayed shown and heard as it happened. It could even display your thoughts and intentions. Think of it like a voiceover on a film. The most appropriate example I can think of would be the original Bladerunner Film with the voiceover of what Deckard (Harrison Ford) was thinking while everything was going on in the film. I suppose I envision it like that because that is how my memory works I can pull up memories and replay them like that in my mind. Obviously with the DNA storage version there would not be any kind of biases as it would record things like a film does. In fact I remember when I was at Middlesex and was talking to one of the sculpture / art installation lecturers they asked me how I could describe an art piece I hadn’t built as though I was looking at it. I explained that I sort of was at least the initial version, when I told them I have what is like a 3D holo-suite in my head so workout basic ideas there. They told me that was impossible and I was lying. I later found out some architects can do that too. To be clear I have no technology in my head I can use my mind to envision an idea even in 3D and spin it around and see it from different angles. Before talking to the lecturer I assumed most people could or at least most artists.

I wonder if all you people feel righteous and good happily fucking my life and career because of other people lies about me. You really shouldn’t.

I wondered how many of you have actually really read anything about slavery and its abolition. People talk a lot about racism and slavery. Economically there was no reason to abolish slavery which is why it survived so long and was an intrinsic part of different cultures around the world throughout history. This are just a few examples of how it got abolished initially and by whom and how long that struggle lasted to get it abolished worldwide. And in fact how human trafficking is reintroducing it into countries they have not seen it for almost 200 years.

Slave Trade Act 1807 abolished the slave trade in the British Empire. It was not until the Slavery Abolition Act 1833 that the institution finally was abolished.

The British Royal Navy established the West Africa Squadron (or Preventative Squadron) at substantial expense in 1808 after Parliament passed the Slave Trade Act. The squadron’s task was to suppress the Atlantic slave trade by patrolling the coast of West Africa, preventing the slave trade by force of arms, including the interception of slave ships from Europe, the United States, the Barbary pirates, West Africa and the Ottoman Empire.

Ethiopia Africa abolished slavery in only in 1942, slaves making up an estimated 20% of the population. Saudi Arabia and Yemen abolished slavery only in 1962 where there were still 1,000’s of slaves. Mauritania Africa abolished slavery only in 1980 and only made owning people a criminal offence in 2007. And in many countries it is still openly practised. If you think that slavery in and out of Africa was a hang over from European colonial days slavery you would be wrong and the slave trade was going on for over well 1,000 years between the Sub-Sahara trade route to the Middle East.

I have never had so much racism aimed at me in London for being white as I have over the last few years from non-whites many being recent immigrants. I have never heard so many people in London talk with hate about white people in general and blame white people for everything but still want to come to London. They also seem extremely pleased to be gradually taking London the capital city of Britain UK over. London a city I was born in in a London Borough. People then accuse me of racism if I object to this and being harassed and even attacked by non-white people and being racial abused for being white. One of my oldest friend from school is a black musician and was shocked when I text him to say I was being accused of racism. I still have quite a list of complaints against the Metropolitan Police force but have absolutely no confidence in their procedures because guess who investigates complaints Metropolitan Police and since some of the complaints against the Metropolitan Police force include some of their police perverting the course of justice among others why should I. If it was just me that anti-white racism was aimed at as I know people have spread lies about me, that would be bad enough but it is much more general than that. I wonder if any of you know about displacement and immigration. That is when one or more groups enter an area or country and displace the indigenous population and their culture with the incoming one/s. And apparently if one questions about this gradually happening one is racist, well if you are white. Well everyone talks about ethnicity and religion who is not white. And no I am not to the right of politics but to the left of centre but I know history and displacement theory. Then it is not just animosity and hatred to being white. There is animosity and hatred to being educated. I was talking to someone I know locally and he told me a term ‘buppie’ when he was younger by black people he knew him being black heard before Buppie; black young upwardly mobile professional. I never heard of the term before or heard that black people had been calling other black people that. It is a play on yuppie “young urban professional” or “young upwardly-mobile professional”. Then several years back one of my brothers told me this happened to him. He was buying shopping at a fruit and veg stall and the women serving him said ‘you sound educated’ He said I am. She then said ‘Yes my daughter wanted to get educated I soon beat that out of her. I am not having her growing up thinking she is better than me.’ I was quite shocked when I heard this as I thought all parents wanted their children to be better educated than they were whatever their background. Then I have come under hostility about this even before people were spreading lies about me, in fact it was one of the reasons that some people did spread lies about me. On the one hand I am accused of doing heinous things I never did and then when a woman tried to hit on me a few years ago, another woman turned to her and said “Don’t bother he is too good for anyone.” Which was another reasons people spread lies about me because I was not interested in them or did not think they were beautiful when they told me they were. Then when it comes to the police actually really doing their duties properly as the current London mayor demands when they do he then accuses them of racism. Because a lot of the people committing crimes are not white. The current London mayor not being white and being muslim, that is relevant as well or he has made it so, apparently objects to the police arresting or investigating non-white people for crimes or from other religions that are not British culturally or historically because it is racist or discriminatory. Sadiq Khan maybe a mystic Muslim and into spirituality and genuinely interested in making a better world. I know he is friends with Jim Ali-Khalili who is a brilliant theoretical physicist an atheist and humanist he does amazing work and TV series and books. I often think most of the spiritual religious people are more like humanist than most other religious people or in fact spiritual rather than following the dogma of a religion. But many are not and looking at the history of religions from their foundations to the present and many of their religious laws they are anything other than spiritual or peaceful, particularly Islam more than any other.

By the way when I said I would love to go to court about all of this. I meant all of these false accusations and lies about me. Not someone making another new false accusations against me and just that. And my preference would be me taking the people of accusing me of these things to court.

What I mentioned previously the woman that cracked me around the face seriously hard after she had asked me whether I thought her hair suited her better up or down was Undine Gillian’s friend. And later over dinner what she said about herself and thought we thought about her, was that she was a slut that fucked lots of men fickle and stupid. Which as I mentioned before I had never thought that about her. Whatever she did was up to her, if she wanted to fuck with lots of different men and enjoyed it her choice. And if Gill after telling me the last time I saw her that she had never wanted to be with me, had said she would rather have been partying with Undine and fucking around. To be honest it would have been a relief instead of being guilt tripped all the time by her and her making me responsible for her. I would have said well you should have done that I wouldn’t have stopped you, but I would have left you. I am now sure that Gill told Undine what an appalling person I was and how she suffered, that would be so Gill. You should remember I can remember things from when I was 5 years old at least and have a visual and auditory memory like virtual reality. By the way that does not mean I can scan a book and remember it perfectly or even read a book and remember every word. But it means I know what I have and haven’t done, probably from what I can gather better than most people on the planet. After Undine cracked me around the face she started running into the next room as she left I slap her arse in retaliation the only part reachable as she ran, and then through dinner as Gill put it Undine flirted with me and was rather forward. Gill had a go at me about slapping Undine’s arse she said it was very sexual and I shouldn’t have done it. Nothing about Undine cracking me across the face. Then Astrid another friend of Gill’s never liked me. Though Gill said about her “I seem to have some short fat ugly friends like Astrid so I feel better about myself.” Then there was Inga a German woman that Gill was friends with from the Laban. I remember she came round to dinner and afterwards lay on the floor with her hands down her trousers playing with herself, I was never impressed by her but she did really fancy herself and I thought it was really off her playing with herself after dinner at ours. Gill asked me to walk her home afterwards which I did and when we got to hers I said could I use your toilet as I really need a piss. She said no I said are you serious, then said do I get a beck on the cheek for walking you home. She turned around went inside and slammed the door. True I would have had to disinfect my cheek if she had but I could not resist after she would not let me use her toilet. Then Gill never seemed people to like me particularly her friends, I think I mentioned she thought they liked me more than her.

In the same coffee shop I have mentioned before an Indian man started talking to me he looked about 67 he told me he was actually 92 or 93 and had been born in Indian under the Raj. He was actually looking for a writer he said and wanted someone to help him tell his story. Really interesting conversation and made me do some research on the Indian subcontinent and its history. As he had a very different take on it and had lived through some of it and what he said did not comply with the current history books on the subject. I will write about that later.

Eve was probably my favourite art model tonwork with. This is Eve…

Even though Eve was an art nude model she loved lingerie as well. I worked with Eve in block of time on several occasions and we were friends as well. Eve loved this shot and wanted to do a similar one but we never got round to it.

This a glamour model I worked with once in an Agent Provocateur lingerie set she brought along. It is also in my artist book in The Tate special of artist books. Along with this text:

“For your body is like the deserts I wandered through… rolling dunes & a sweet oasis…”

This is actually something I once said to Gillian I was in a relationship and living many years before. Gill’s response to my saying it to her was not what I expected. Gill said “What you think I am dried up and shrivelled like a desert.” Other women’s response when seeing this photo with this text was somewhat more positive.

I am going to talk about Eve again later. But something I just realised is this site has been hacked many times before and people might attempt to take it down through legal process. Now people have lied about me, accused of things and smeared me and try to destroy my life and career. And though I originally put this site up in 2015 talking about my travels when I was younger I added a number of things after it had been hacked several times when I found out some of the people lying about me. Now I have been trying to get legal counsel to help with these problems but have not been able to do so far. So this has been my recourse to actually tell the truth about me and some of the people I have known including some of the people lying about me. So it seems especially unjust to try to take this one of my sites down. As apparently no one views according to my stats or hardly anyone ever does. I does amaze me how so many people know things from it. I will talk about that more later as well. But if my site has been cloned and I am being defrauded of revenue that actually comes under the authority of the NCA National Crime Agency as cybercrime. Then as there has been so much internet chatter about me and people accusing me of things, not just here but internationally if the NCA National Crime Agency is any good they would be aware of this and it would be another cybercrime. And being a artist, photographer and writer it also impinges my rights to produce work and have an opinion. Which to the best of my knowledge is illegal, so it will probably be on some pretext about some of the people I have mentioned though everything I have said about them is true or on some other pretext. I know a lot of ex-life art models that did nude have over the last years been having them removed from search engines. That does not apply to me as I am an artist and hold full copyright and reproduction rights to all my photographs etc not any models and I am legally allowed to use them as an artist how I want to. As for having an opinion and dare I say a lot of knowledge again that is perfectly legal. Why I mentioned some pretexts. I have an inkling that if there is any legal action against this my site it will come from or be backed by women or some religious group or groups or both. Also if they are not the originators of these lies they are involved in actively spreading them. I also suspect in recruiting more people to either add new false accusations or to add weight to false ones already circulated. So if it should disappear again or an attempt is made to remove it you really have to wonder why and the kind of repercussions for an individuals right to express their right to be heard and defend themselves. Especially against lies false accusations attacks which has happened and harassment, which is still ongoing including any attempts to try to take this site down. Of course I would be perfectly happy to go to court with anyone I mentioned preferable any and all accusing of anything. By the way different laws apply to artist about copyright reproduction right and right of expression. After all that is what artists do, work with ideas and express them in different forms. And since I am an artist and have been one most of my life… After all telling the truth is not illegal, it is and should be encouraged by civilisation. Also if anyone obtains a court order or injunction ordering to take down this one of my sites without taking me court first, that is not legally binding and I do not have cooperate and I can refuse perfectly legally if on no other grounds than that I am an artist. In case you do not understand an artist rights is similar to an authors rights to publish and I happen to be both a, world class one at at least ones of those. And even if they tried they cannot demand I take it all down they would have to specify which parts and prove them false. Though I am not a solicitor, I am sure if an attempt is made even if I have no money a solicitor will be provided.

I just read an article on the BBC about Leicester as it now has no racial majority. Apparently it is harmonious according to one of the people interviewed. Non of the people interviewed for the BBC article were white so have no idea how they feel from reading the article. “The overall crime rate in Leicester in 2021 was 112 crimes per 1,000 people. For England, Wales, and Northern Ireland as a whole, Leicester is among the top 10 most dangerous cities.” Though not in the top 10 largest cities. It also had major riots this summer between Hindu men and Muslim men over a cricket match. Also a photographer is mentioned who is apparently world renowned though I must admit I have never heard of them, but there are many photographers. Now if my career wasn’t being blocked as a photographer and being one that is supposedly world class which actually is higher than world renowned was another reason I found this article of interest as who would I have photographed and be photographing. Though how can the BBC just interview people that are not white for this article after making a point that there is no overall racial majority for Leicester, it does seem to skew what it is saying. I have always generally known people from different ethic and racial backgrounds and enjoyed drinking and talking to them. But more and more I am finding this trend to keep pushing the idea that Britain is or has to be multiracial strange. The population of India is about 1,375,586,000 now if they were constantly told they were a multiracial country and was finding that in some of there cities they were no longer the majority population and there were almost as many white people in thise cities and then some others, would they not find that strange.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-63743309

Personally I would much rather be talking about my travels when I was younger or my art which is world class which I was told was timeless, more so than my photography probably though that was extremely highly rated as well and also comes under the umbrella of my art.

I was thinking how much I like driving as I have driven many places including across Europe several times. And I had some memories of being slapped in the face and punched while driving by Gill. As I said at the times this happened “if you want to start an argument could you wait till we get home or at least not when I am driving and it is extremely dangerous to slap me in the face when I am driving (or punch me in the face) as that might make me crash. The weird thing was we could have been laughing and joking about things a few seconds before. Gill was the only person who ever did that to me. Who slaps the face of the person driving or punches them in the face.

The other day at my local Tesco I got into a conversation with a very nice Indian woman from India and we were talking about various things including education as she spoke extremely good English which she said a lot of people were surprised about that and she then told me she had been learning for most of her 26 years. Had a degree was or had just done a masters and was currently doing some online courses at and American university and an English one. She did not work for Tesco but was working there for the day. Apart from laughing and joking about some things when she had told me something about her educational background, degree as an engineer etc and she loved education and wanted to spend her life learning I asked her if she was going to do a PhD. She said my mother keeps asking that and she mentioned psychology. I asked especially with her background had she thought about neuroscience and genetics. She then told me the last engineering model she had made while studying that was a DNA strand. She also mentioned I had a nice smile and was enjoying talking to me. I then said have you heard of the Crick Institute and she said no. I said look it up now which she did. The Francis Crick Institute that is. She went OOOOO. I also mentioned that it was the largest Biomedical research facility in Europe. It was initiated in the early 2000’s but the facility did not start being built till 2011 and only opened in 2016. It also had research post for PhD applicants and as well as London University affiliations also had connections with Oxford and Cambridge and could get PhD placement and even research grants at the Crick Institute to study. Why she went OOOO. And said she would look into it. I almost asked her if she wanted to swap contact details as she is one of the most interesting people I have spoken to in the area if she she told me about herself correct but then decided not to as she was only 26, which is stupid as I was interested to see whether she did or not apply and if she was accepted. It is called networking but I will talk more about networking later as many people seem to have strange ideas about that and seem to think networking is dating. She is also one of the most attractive women I have seen in this area as well and there is a large Indian population here, I would describe her as intelligent confident and svelte. Though I would have enjoyed the conversation if it would have been a man as well. I am not sure if she was actually expecting me to ask to swap details though but I didn’t, then she did not ask either. I do like talking with well educated people especially ones fascinated by learning and knowledge and in areas that fascinate me. Once I probably would just asked to swap contact details without a second thought, now not so much. I also thought as she was working on promotions to earn money while studying that was interesting as well. But giving her some information to help her was good anyway as she had never heard of The Francis Crick Institute before. Maybe I should mention here as it is relevant though I have mentioned in the past if people had not been trying to fuck up my art career since at least since the time I was at Middlesex and after I left I would with the money I was earning have set up a technologies company including alternative power sources biotech /biomedical. Like most of the tech and science people I have been reading Sci-Fi since I was a kid. Also when I went back to art school / university I did contemporary / fine art and new technologies. I still would if this all gets sorted out, though I am glad the Francis Crick Institute now exists and find the work that I have read about that they have done fascinating and of great help to people.

https://www.crick.ac.uk/

I have to check just how much has gone from this site of mine.

I have been known to photograph a film star or so.

Natalia Tena one of the stars of some of the Harry Potter films and Games of Thrones among others things she has starred in. Photographed by me in 2010 I think it was just before she started working on Game of Thrones. One of a series of Natalia for the shoot, concept by me as well as art direction and of course photography. I did hear from a fan group of Natalia Tena’s who said my photoshoot of her was their favourite or one of them. Natalia was also a lot of fun to work with.

Now I mentioned about Eve being my favourite art model and a friend. I also mentioned a 26 year old Indian woman I talked to the other day November 2022. Now I will talk about Eve more later. Eve was an intelligent articulate educated woman. In fact studied ancient languages at SOAS (University of London School of Oriental and African studies) Cuneiform the oldest known written language, among others, which she could read and translate and we talked about at length. So among other things Eve also loved history as I do. The 26 year old Indian woman I spoke to the other day was talking about doing a PhD in psychology and I suggested maybe thinking about neuroscience and genetics and The Francis Crick Institute, something I am also very interested in. Now I like talking I particularly like talking to people that have some of the same interests as I do, are intelligent, by intelligent I mean well above average intelligence. Also highly educated and articulate and confident. I also like talking to people with good hearts. I might laugh and joke with people but there are very few people I really enjoy talking to. My old friends and highly educated and very intelligent people.

This is another shot of Eve one of the art nudes I shot / photographed of her.

Eve on several occasions told me she really liked me. This is 2014. Including that if she wasn’t already in a relationship she would want to be with me. I did point out to her I was quite a bit older than her, she said what “does that matter. I have men hitting on me all the time and we are more compatible than most”. Eve also said she doesn’t cheat on her partner. Not that I ever asked her to be in a relationship with me or cheat on her partner. Though Eve is far from the only early to mid 20’s woman to say that kind of thing to me including right up to a few years ago including women as attractive as Eve or even more so and not ones I knew or had ever worked with and I turned them all down, maybe stupidly. Though saying that I have spent most of my life with attractive women smiling at me and being friendly walking into places or even walking down the street and just thought they were being friendly and that even now occasionally still happens. Though I will as I said talk about Eve more. In fact Arielle / Ava when she knew how uncomfortable I was seeing her 2013 and had said to her that maybe if she was 28, she turned around and said “you know I would have killed myself if not for you, Damien Hirst went out with a 22 year old after he separated from his wife.” I said “I am not Damien Hirst, what he does is up to him”. I have never checked to see if this was true but then if adults want to see each other surely it is up to them.

To say I have people scheming, conspiring and lying to discredit me and fuck my life and career up would be an understatement. There are several reasons why that I know but I will talk about that later.

As well as putting up my art website in 2004 which within a few months got me listed as a YBA (Young British Artist) by academia including Oxford University. I also dropped some photographs to a photography agency that was quite art photography orientated. They had photographers they did things like book covers etc as well as stock photography. They initially wanted to sign me from the jpegs I had sent them and wanted full resolution images. That hit a problem as I had been using an early digital camera that was only 6 megapixels, remember this is 2004. They said that the minimum resolution they accepted was 16 megapixels, and though they decided some could be enlarge and be acceptable most could not. Which is when I bought a medium format camera, Mamiya RZ 67 and started shooting more photography. I think the first photograph I ever took myself was when I was around 7 years old. They that seemed to be ongoing as several times when I sent them more photographs they only liked some, and they wanted a minimum quantity for a photographers portfolio for their agency. I did ask them about this and they told me they wanted less photographers and higher quality images and ask me to continue submitting images. Bit strange in some ways though they kept telling me they wanted to sign me. And in 2006 when I exhibited with Damien Hirst etc I let them know and they insisted they wanted to sign me. That also reminded me that Isabella Blow had in 2002 asked me if I wanted to shoot some fashion and at the time I had said no. Which made me think of shooting some fashion and getting back to her, though several years later not sure it would have mattered. Also I thought that shooting fashion some of the models might model for some of my art pieces, particularly sculptures / installations. I had a book of 100 art installations that I wanted to make. But was always coming up with more ideas when I thought about it. In fact I had come up with some new ones around the time I was shooting fashion including ‘The Muses’ and ‘Aphrodite Rising’ as well as wanting to finally make ‘Jones Empire’ the female to the male ‘Smiths Empire’. All complimentary to women and a critical engagement with existence. I could not use the fashion shoots for the photography agency as they told me that generally book covers etc would not pay enough to also pay the fashion models and their fashion agencies which they would expect and legally I would be obliged to.

My nephews, I have 2 nephews that through much of their life I got on with very well or so they told me and thought of me more as an older brother than an uncle. They were the only members of my family that ever went to stay with my mother at Christmas and that was as much to do with me taking them snowboarding and horse riding. Also my oldest friends son who I have known for most of his life and when I went round his parents use to say he was upstairs and had some Jack Daniels and would as always be really pleased to see me. He was around 16 or 17 when I moved my mother to the Mediterranean. I remember being in a bar with my nephews down near the Mediterranean when I took them horse riding and snowboarding and the people in the bar said they could drink if I said it was OK, they were 14 and 16 at the time. And had a great time siting at the bar with a bottle of larger each talking to people. It was not the first alcoholic drink they had ever had not because of me but my sister. But had never sat in a bar like that. 2 older local guys 60-70’s asked if I minded them buying them another larger each and when I said it was OK said I was a good older brother. I said not brother uncle and they kept on insisting I was their older brother. Strange but true. Also with my sister and my nephews if I wanted to know how they were my nephews were much more informative than my sister. Then the same was true with my oldest friends son, he use to tell me much more about how they were all doing than my oldest friend or his wife. Getting on with my nephews and my oldest friends son might also be to do with me having high brain plasticity or neuroplasticity which also means that I can rethink things with new information and restructure the way I think, how I think. Neuroplsticity is supposed to diminish with age and many people once they have made up their minds about something have much more trouble rethinking things and changing their mind with newer information. Might also be to do with being an artist creative and imaginative, and continually taking in new information. Probably because I am supposed to be extremely intelligent knowledgeable and easy going with a good sense of humour. My nephews and my oldest friends son always seemed like good kids and when we talked I listened to them and always tried to encourage them to do what they wanted in life and suggest how they might go about it. After all I have done the same kind of thing for lots of different people of different ages in my life.

The snowboarding and horse riding in the sun was a major present from my mother, oldest brother, my mothers full-time carer and myself as we had not bought them a present in some time. Funnily they kept on insisting I had promised to take them snowboarding years before when they asked, which I never had. Apart from anything else I had never snowboarded before, my oldest brother was a skier, but at the time they wanted me to take them. Which I did as my mother when I mentioned to her her grandchildren my nephews wanted to come out for Christmas and go snowboarding she said do it. My nephews when they were at the villa use to call the fridge ‘Russell’s magic fridge’, when I asked them why they replied ‘because we try and eat everything everyday and the following morning it’s filled up again, magic.’ I said it is not magic I go out and get more shopping each day to feed everyone and refill it, then I laughed and said you are like locusts.

The boys with our coach. I had hired a private coach for the 3 of us while we were there as none of us had ever snowboarded before. Really nice guy he had done extreme snowboarding around the world, but had stopped when he had children. We stayed there in an apartment when snowboarding then when down at the villa near the coast they sat out by the pool eating watermelon on Christmas eve as the temperature was 27ºC (80ºF) and could not believe it and my mother loved the warmth and having them down for Christmas.

The boys, my nephews, by the pool eating watermelon over Christmas in 27ºC (80ºF). I also bought them all the snow gear apart from the boots in England as it was cheaper than hiring it while they were there and they could keep it so they had it for the cold weather wind rain and snow when they went home. Though as they enjoyed being there so much I talked to my mother and oldest brother and asked them if they would be happy for the boys to come down to live with them and finished school there. They said yes, so I gave the boys that option. The other idea of the boys coming down for Christmas, snowboarding and horse riding was so they realised the world was much bigger than they knew and different ways of living. Though they decided not to come and live with my mother and brother and finished school down there. Obviously it was up to all of them as I was never suppose to be there so much or would be there to look after the boys. If they had wanted to they would have had to talk to my sister their mother and their father about it. Though as they decided against it as far as I know they never did.

A number of years after I left Middlesex University a friend of mine who was a art lecturer at Maidstone art school University of Kent. Told me someone I use to know wanted to get in touch with me. It was a woman called Rhed. Rhed was a woman who was in the first year when I was in my 3rd at Middlesex and now teaching graphics and communication at Maidstone. I said it would be nice to hear from her give her my number. I was intrigued why she wanted to get hold of me. I assumed it was to do with Adam my friend from Middlesex as I knew she had a thing for him when we were all at Middlesex. Rhed looked like a young Sinéad O’Connor some people thought. Anyway got a phone call and she invited me around to dinner up at Crouch End where she then lived. As well as teaching Rhed was a freelance graphic designer. Turned up and Rhed showed me some of her work, and then we had dinner and talked. One of the things said was to apologise to me and tell me now she was teaching she realised I was the only person at Middlesex that really tried to help people and was the best lecturer they never had. Rhed said she didn’t understand at the time as I asked difficult questions about peoples art and what they were trying to do and gave them feedback on their work. Critical engagement. Rhed told me a bit about her life since which I won’t go into and I said Adam is in a relationship, can’t remember if he was already married at the time. Then as I was leaving she asked if I could take down the rubbish bag on my way out. Which made me laugh and I told her was cheeky but did anyway. Never saw her again as I assume as I could not be of any help about Adam there was no point. Though I did really appreciate the apology, though she never quite said what the apology was for and her telling me how helpful I tried to be for my fellow students. I always thought art people were trying to help each other with their work and ideas, well apart from some of my lecturers that were inclined as they made very clear to obstruct my career. I also think that was what Rhed was apologising for, listen to the lecturers that badmouthed me and my art to just about anyone they could, and not just the students. A lot of people thought my art was brilliant if you are wondering why my lecturers were like that with and about me and my art, and as they made very clear they were very connected. Brilliance. Another student when the saw one of my art pieces just turned around to me and said I didn’t think any students made work like this. When I exhibited for War Child charity with Damien Hirst et al 2006. A few of the people helping out when they saw some of my art installations said to me “All your art can’t be this good.” I replied ‘most of my ideas are better than the art I have here I just haven’t made it yet.’ I knew what they meant but didn’t say if I could make more art at least as good as I exhibited there, sort of what they meant was ‘why the fuck aren’t you world famous if you can really make more art like this or even better.’ Then 2 world ranked art critic thought my art was better than any of the YBA’s (Young British Artists) including Damien Hirst but from what I could gather were too scared to help me with the art people I had slagging me off. People claim to like or even love brilliance but it seems only if they are, not when someone else is more brilliant than any of them, then many people seem to hate brilliance.

One of the things someone an ex-convict told me about several years ago was the black muslim brotherhood this is black men that end up in prison and convert to Islam. The black muslim brotherhood is a criminal network. One of the reason they convert to islam is because then when the police talk to them about anything they then claim not only racism but also claim religious intolerance. A complete con. I have come across at least a few of the black muslim brotherhood and they hate white people but also abuse liberal human rights ideas to try to circumnavigate the law. The black muslim brotherhood are criminals and either mentally ill or especially nasty violent individuals. If anyone converts to islam in prison I severely hope they then immediately are on a watchlist by the police or really the national security agency. I am sure most human rights organisations will object to this mainly because they have no idea how much they are being used and abused, and what will happen if these people are not only watched but stopped. if you know of any criminal that converts to islam be very careful and wary. This has nothing to do with religious or racial intolerance, and never believe them if they say they are about peace or tolerance.

A few years ago I had a black guy complaining to me, though complaining is putting it nicely, about white people and racism. He then went on to tell me this. He had set up a youth group on a council estate and said the police had shut it down because he was trying to convert them to islam and radicalise the kids, though radicalise might also be a polite way of putting it as it was not the only time we spoke and he made it very clear on his attitude to white people and how he blamed them for everything. I assume some of the kids parents reported what was going onto the police as they were unhappy about it. He actually seem to think it was a good example of racism against him with not the least thought of any problems of what he was trying to do. He definitely had anger and aggression issues and had told me he had converted to islam. Whether what he told me about the youth group etc was true or not it was what he said and why would he tell me that if it wasn’t true.

On a far less disturbing note in fact a fun thing that I have been fascinated by since I was very young, dinosaurs. A replica taken from the bones of the original of 100 million year old Patagotitan dinosaur the biggest land animal to ever roam the earth is going to be at the Natural History Museum in London.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-63741208

Because of my love of dinosaurs fossils and then ancient history I have since a very early age, since at least 5 thought of time as millions of years in the past and later in the future. What I didn’t realise is most people do not think like this. Apparently most people if they think much out of their own time frame it is on average 150 years. 75 years either way including their existence. Which would mean at most 50 years either side of their birth and death and most not even that. I don’t think I grasped until relatively recently just how self centred, in the sense that people centred everything around themselves most people are. Then maybe I should have realised this much sooner to do with love and family. Probably the earliest example of this is my older sister Janet. Even as children she was lying manipulative and always came first fro herself. As children she would do things like pull my hair pinch and kick me until I eventually pulled her hair. Then she would run to our mother and tell her I was being spiteful and had started pulling her hair. My mother would tell us to play nicely and with my sister Janet standing behind my mother with a smile on her face, my mother would tell me not to pull Janet’s hair. Of course I told my mother what Janet had been doing before I pulled her hair, and my mother did not disbelieve me but told me to be better than she was. It might sound strange related a story from early childhood but Janet never really changed and as I have mentioned before a humans basic psychological structure is formed by the time they are 5 years old. If Janet did not get her way or manipulate someone into to doing something for her, she would say it was because she was a woman or because they did not love her enough etc. In fact most of my family when it came to Janet use to say that is Janet for you. Now I have always loved my family and helped Janet when she asked if I could, but never really came to terms with the idea that she thought she was manipulating and controlling me. Rather than as it was I helped because she was my sister and I loved her as I did the rest of my family. In fact after my mother had her brain tumour and operation I told Janet that mother was my main priority and I would help Janet when I could. Though in my family my mother had been my main priority far longer than that, since my father died in reality. Nearly every time after that Janet asked me to help her she would say “I know I am not your main priority but could you help me with…” Which actually seemed rather twisted to me and also why did she think I should help her anyway and to the extent I should drop everything else I was doing. Janet even said to me on several occasions “You have nothing better to do why not help me.” Totally ignoring the fact I happened to be a world class artist or making herself blind to the fact. So Janet was bossy manipulative and lying from an early age and as far as I know still is, but she seems to think that she is not and people she do what she wants them to do because she knows best. I realise now she thought she was manipulating my mother even when we were children. Why sheh would stand next to my mother or behind her when she was lying to get me in trouble and smiling. Even when she knows nothing about something and lacks information and knowledge. As I said I always loved my family and always thought the best of them but now I understand why my mother always trusted me more than any of the others. Because I would always listened to my mother and tried to help her do what she wanted to do if possible rather than think I knew what was best for her and try to make her do that.

Many women have claimed to love me though one of the problems I realise is they they started to show signs of what my sister Janet was always like and set off alarm bells in my head. Of course arguing with myself that that was being unfair and love is not about that. Then if the women in my past really loved me why when we are no longer together would some of them start lying about me and saying nasty things about me which I now realise they have. Until recently I have either never spoken about them or if I have not said much and did not say anything negative about them. The only exception was Gill and all I ever said about her was she left me soon after my father died, and no second name. To be honest if that is love and if it fails it turns to hate I want no part of that idea of love. With me if love fails it turns to caring and affection even if we can no longer be together. If it was not intrinsic to my DNA I think by the time I was 5 years old thanks to my sister Janet I had a total aversion to lies and lying which I think is a good thing that I did. Though I think even at that early age I had already caught that bug of the pursuit of knowledge and truth based on facts. Then also Janet always had to be the best at things in the family even when she wasn’t. I was always fascinated by ideas from at least 5 years and actually before thanks to my mother mainly who spent far more time with me but my father as well as he loved thought and ideas as well. I came across this quote many years later and thought how apt it was.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

The thing that worries me is that my sister Janet is still a better person than most I have met. And I am not saying that because she is my sister. Janet is very intelligent articulate knowledgeable well educated and it was no accident she became the head of department in a very prestigious university.

Now one example of what my sister Janet was like. Where I moved my mother at her request my sister told the people there that my old Saab was actually my father’s not mine. Now my mother gave that Saab to me for 2 reasons. One the person that originally offered it to my father actually brought it to him because he knew I liked old cars. Though I didn’t transfer the documents to much later as I travelled and left it at my mothers, but it was always insured as me as the main driver since my father died. And 2 because after my father died my mother knew I was the only person in the family who could keep it going. There was actually a 3rd reason. Because if anyone had that my father would have wished I had it as my mother knew. Also my blue convertible Saab I bought for my mother but she and my oldest brother decided the suspension was to hard and I told them I would sell it again and it was registered in my oldest brothers name initially. They both talked me out of it as they said since I had had trouble getting a flight when they both ended up in hospital near the Mediterranean keeping the blue Saab convertible would make it much easier for me to get to them in an emergency. Though my old Saab went down to the Med twice I almost blew it up racing back north from the Mediterranean for a doctors appointment. Plus as I had sold so much of my things to send money to my mother I was owed more than the blue Saab convertible coast. As was my oldest brother as he had cashed in his private pension early after discussing it with my mother and me and used the money to help pay for everything until my mothers money came through, and he had also let me sell most of his things before that to make sure my mother and him had money down at the Mediterranean.

I hearded someone say better leave it to the police earlier today which everyone should have done back in at least 2015 if not far earlier. Though the police seem to take more notice of social media than fact which is one of the reasons I have a legitimate case against them as well as every person that has hassled me attacked me falsely accused me of things including all the people that have spread lies even including the people that have walked into to me.

Why do I like going to bars full of people having fun and enjoying life. Well strangely because I prefer being around people having fun and enjoying life rather than they miserable moaning people that seem to suffer life rather than enjoying it. Now let’s take a bar I use to go to in Camden the staff were always friendly and also often use to give me free drinks. This was 2018 2019. Now 2 women in particular were always more friendly than most to me. Both floor managers. One English and one French. The French floor / restaurant manager was called Anna and noticed people walking into me intentionally, she on more than one occasion threatened to not only have them expelled from the premises but banned from the bar. This is very relevant though I will tell you why later. Why I tend to drink in bars rather than pubs is because usually no one wants to start fights in bars unlike pubs. Though I do believe the police told the people in that bar I was dangerous at one stage without the slightest piece of evidence.

By the way my oldest brother my mothers main carer use to hate my sister Janet coming down to see my mother in the Mediterranean when my mother was ill because she use to be rude to him. Tell him what to do and continually complain to my mother after she had had a mini stroke that my mother did not talk to her after she had travelled all that way. There were also several other reasons but I might talk about them later. I did on several occasions try to talk to Janet about this and she said what do you know. I told her my oldest friend from school father had been having heart attacks and stokes since he was 35 years old and I had spent quite a bit of time around him when he could not speak etc and didn’t know where he was. Janet of course dismiss this as she knew best. In fact after one stroke my oldest friends father spoke to me rather than his wife or my friend first before he attempted to talk to them as he knew I was not part of his family and would not laugh at him.

You might ask why would a world class artist and a world class fashion photographer if nothing else need to sell most of his and his oldest brothers possessions while my mother waited for her money to come to make sure she was safe and good in the sun. That would be because well the only way to really describe them would be trash lying about me.

After my father died a few years later my mother asked me to make sure none of them meaning my brothers and sisters ever put her in an old peoples home. I promised I would not, even if I had to look after her myself. The reason she asked me this was also because of a woman she use to know who lived down the road from her I use to called the hat woman because she nearly always wore hats and use to work at Selfridges selling hats.

What you need to understand is I would love to go to court about all this. And if I can deal with my sister Janet and prove she is a liar who is very intelligent or someone else who is MENSA. 50% of the human population is average intelligence or below. All I have to worry about or ever did is people lying and then only if other idiots believe them, which actually makes them accomplices after the fact.

And people wonder why most of humanity might not have a future.

And by the way this has gone far beyond the police… If the police had the ability and authority to investigate this and took it all the way including investigating themselves and rich and powerful people then maybe…

See if was just about family, a few ex’s and a bunch of idiots then I would have been told about it and it would have been sorted out a long time ago… But people made this about a lot more. Not me them…

I have been since at least Middlesex and still am a world class artist etc and I got a lot of feedback at Chelsea to say I was brilliant… I also happen to be extremely intelligent so why would I do anything to fuck myself up and my life… Yes maybe been in relationships with a few of the wrong people… But… that was them not me… wrong people that is… And if the police had anything to do anything to me they would have done… They have tried to stitch me up already enough including breaking the law…. Which is why I really want all of this to go to court. Actually everything not on some pissy little made up lie… But every lie that has been told about me… going back to at least Middlesex… If you think I made up about an American hanging around my car in London in 2015 who told me he was an oil man and oil had dropped by 50% I seriously did not, all I thought at the time was what the fuck…

Then I have had a few conversations with the police… 2 examples. A male police officer told me “intelligence is not important.” A female police officer told me “we can only go on what we are told.” I wonder if anyone else sees any problems with just these 2 examples. Well does not sound like any of the detectives novels or TV series. I can imagine what Morse or Frost or Agatha Christie or Arthur Conan Doyle and his fictional character Sherlock Holmes or Lee Child aka Jack Reacher etc would have to say about these 2 quotes from the police while speaking to me. I think I have to give a 3rd quote from the police while talking to me. “caus you’re an artist with their artist book in The Tate special archive with many of the most famous artist in history. I can really see that, I don’t think so you are lying.” I even offered them a link to it in The Tate archive they were not interested. Then that one was a sergeant, and since they claimed to know nothing about me, another thing they said to me was “I backpacked too.” Which was a reference to having lots of people call out Odysseus to me on Mykonos as I was leaving for Athens 2015 which did happen. Lots more quotes from the police and others.

I am probably a romantic and obviously poetic. When I was 15 me and one of my friends from school were walking around the main town in our London Borough and we saw 2 attractive girls about the same age as us. The first and second time we saw them while wondering around my friend wanted to talk to them and each time they had stared at us. I said wait to see if it happens a third time. It did so we started talking to them and we all walked to a near by park. The one that was talking to me wa blonde with blue eyes and a light dusting of freckles on her face, which was rather a nice face. Maybe a little bit more than that, and though only being 16 she had a figure like Brigette Bardot. Which since they were both French but spoke very good English was apt. We laid in the park in the sun talking for a few hours and then they had to go. My friend had given the girl he had been talking to his home phone number as they had asked to a dance that was happening that evening. As we walked with them from the park and to the bus stop the one I had been talking to put her finger through the belt loop of my jeans which was the first time we had touched. She stared into my eyes and smiled as they got on their bus and said see you later. later that evening my friend rung to say we would not be going to the dance and not seeing them again. I asked why. he told me they were here staying with an English family which they had mentioned, as they were pen pals with someone here. When they got back and said they had met 2 boys and invited them to the dance that night they got a very different reaction to what they were expecting. Apparently it was a Christian thing and the English family told them they were tarts and sluts picking up 2 English boys and no they were not coming to their dance. My friend told me the girl that rung him was crying over the phone as she told him this. I asked if the girl I met had said anything. He told me her friend said she was crying more than she was and not over being called tarts and sluts but because she would never see me again. It was such a beautiful sweet innocent sunny afternoon, and when she put her finger through the belt loop and tugged slightly so I would be closer to her I have never forgotten that. For all I know she might have become the love of my life if we would have ever met again. We didn’t have a phone number for them and didn’t know where the dance was because if we did we would have gone or tried to. As for what the good Christians said to the 2 French girls I thought just the usual Christian morality thing. I wonder if they said we were 2 good Christian boys it would have made a difference, probably not because we were not part of their group, merely the 2 boys that those girls really liked. By the way one of my oldest friends is married to the women that has been in a relationship with him since they were 16. So who knows.

How many men have talked to a woman for 20 minutes and she has turned around and said “You are the nearest thing to god I have ever met.” Freaked me out but it has happened several times. You workout what they meant.

When I was at Tech college when I was 17 one of the older guys I knew use to call me ‘Jimmy’ all the time. I eventually asked him why. He told me Jimmy James Dean. I said but why. He said you might not realise it but you are the last rebel, reference the film Rebel Without a Cause. He then said and like James Dean a lot of women like you. We are about the same height as well.

No I neither think I am god or James Dean in case you are wondering I am just me.

I will come back to the poetic and romantic but now back to people intentionally walking into to me. Since 2015 on my return to the UK 100’s if not 1,000’s of people have intentionally walked into me. Probably the most pronounced case was walking down Camden High Street after leaving a bar and a pizza place, when I was out having a private wake for a woman I was friends with whose husband had finally managed to hold of me to tell me she was dead. I will skip most of what happened that night and go straight to 3 women walking abreast walking the other way to me. I was walking on the shops side of the street and they were coming the other way. I assumed as I had nowhere else to move to they would break formation so I could pass. Instead the one nearest me walked straight into me intentionally. And then all 3 started screaming and shouting at me and accuse me of walking into them. As I pointed out as politely as I felt I should I had nowhere to go and walking on a pavement near the shops side they had been walking in a row abreast and had not allowed me to walk past. The I walked off. As I past another bar I suddenly found myself face down on the pavement jumped up and said what happened. One of the bouncers said don’t worry we will sort it out. All the bouncers were black and obviously one of them had struck me from behind as I passed. I carried on to a bar near the station and went in for a drink. Yet again thinking what the fuck is going on. I leave the bar after chatting to the bar staff who always remembered me and also use to not charge me for all my drinks. By the way at no time was I drunk, merry yes. I go to the nearest station across the road from the bar and decide to have a cigarette before catching the tube, London underground home obviously not trying to make a fast exit as I had not done anything wrong. The next thing I know I am talking to 2 police officers that come up to me and start asking me if I recognise the women standing just up the road. I say yes though I could only see 2 I said those women walked into me and then started having a go at me. As I had had more than enough police hassling me I might not have been at my most polite. Apparently as I ended up talking further to the police the woman that had deliberately walked into me claimed I had punched her. I didn’t quite burst out laughing when I was told this, but was near. I was also asked if I knew them as I did not I said No. I won’t say too much more about this ridiculous incident as apparently the police are still investigating it or so they say. But since according to the idiot women I punched one of them for absolutely no reason while I was walking down the road who I did not know and apart from anything else I don’t punch people let alone for no reason. And I have most definitely never punched a woman. And since we were walking in opposite direction and she claimed I punched her I was told by the police she did not have a mark on her no bruise not a mark, miraculous. Just more trash lying about me and trying to fuck me up. The police if they were doing their lawful duty should actually arrest and charge those women for lying to the police which is a criminal offence and for trying to pervert the course of justice. Who knows the police might come banging on my door for mentioning this but then again even if they do not realise it they are in so much shit already. As will any other lying bit of trash that accuses me of anything. Well if the law and justice actually work. Maybe I should also mention when I drink I tend to get a bigger and bigger smile happy not aggressive or nasty like some people. Nor do I go around punching anyone, even if I think they deserve it. Most of my friends have been women and at least some of them have always said I am a lover not a fighter. One of the reasons I am getting more and more skeptical about humanity surviving the future or at least most of it. But I will discuss this more later. Though it was another of the police trying to fit me up instead of doing their duty. I mean think about it logically or even emotionally I am out mourning the death of a woman I cred about why would I for any reason randomly punch a woman I do not know. Not that I punch women or people in general. Highly suspicious me thinks. I have been more use to women giving their phone numbers asked or not and them asking me to ring them. Also London has one of the highest levels of CCTV and I was told Camden has many.

One thing that I keep thinking more and more is that when specialist institutions were shut down for the mental ill and violent and it all became about care in the community which does not really exist, that was a seriously bad decision. Also the mentally ill and vulnerable tend to be exploited by the religious or the criminal or both. As embracing mental illness as the new norm is. In case you do not understand I am referring in part to anyone accusing me of anything untoward, which seems to show some form of mental illness or a certain violence towards me or people in general. As I have mentioned before to the police they should actually be investigating anyone who accuses me of anything and checking what kind of people they are.

This an article worth reading by Meghan Daum. I am not sure how many people know it has been rather legendary in arts media and business for people who lack real talent to advance their careers by sleeping with people. Which I have known about since I first went to art school but always found at best sleazy. I do not just mean women sleeping with men but also men sleeping with women to advance their careers far beyond their abilities. Though this article covers people that do not even do that. Or women that might be attractive but are also toxic particularly ones who hit on men and rejected or who try to coerce them.

https://gen.medium.com/metoo-will-not-survive-unless-we-recognize-toxic-femininity-6e82704ee616

At the beginning of this I mentioned “laughing with the exhilaration, joy and pure pleasure of existence…” What I have noticed through life is how many peoples laughter is different kinds of fake… Whether the fragile neurotic laughter of some or the ha ha ha of cynical derisive laughter of others or all the other types that do not actually have a joy in them… But a vast hollowness twisted and sadness that seems to reflect or manifest a void that lays within these people… they are not laughing with the exhilaration, joy and pure pleasure of existence… you also get the bigmouths those that spend their lives shouting rather than talking, they shout on phones and in conversation so everyone hears what they have to say which all to often amounts to nothing worth hearing… there is a cross over between bigmouths and fake laughter both without meaning. I did in the original version talk about the golden… Those that have a joy of being… I have only met a few in life well so far… but they glow with health and life… with a warmth of being… and existence…

A couple of years ago my neighbour who had got back into photography after meeting me. He invited me down the local pub to talk about photography and pick my brains. He purposely did not invite another guy we knew to come with us because every time he asked me about anything to do with the photography the other guy suddenly became an expert and interrupted anything I was saying and explained why he knew better. So we are down the pub and talking about photography etc. When we go to leave we go to the bar and he goes to pay the bill to the woman working behind the bar and guess what happens the other guy that did not get invited turns up and starts talking to my neighbour. As I am standing at the bar the woman behind the bar starts talking to me. I had not been to the bar before as my neighbour went up and ordered. I spoke to the woman behind the bar for 5 minutes while the other two were talking. When my neighbour turned back he heard the woman behind the bar saying to me how I was not like the people that came in here and I was extremely nice. When I asked her why she said that most people treat her more like a servant and or are rude to her, men and women and most of the men hit on her and are rude and aggressive often at the same time as hitting on her. Most definitely after as she told me she was not interested in them. She was 19 and pretty as and had a good personality as well as being funny with a good sense of humour. As we went to leave she put her hand across the bar to shale my hand and said I hope you come in again. I shook her hand and said pleasure to meet you. She then shook my neighbours hand and then the other guy he had been talking to. The other guy pulled her across the bar and kissed her on the cheek, which I could she annoyed her no end and she gave me a look to say see, then smiled at me. When leaving with my neighbour, the other guy stayed, he said to me she really liked you and was attractive, I said she was friendly and was only 19 so that was not going to happen and the guy that turned up said she had a boyfriend though how he knew I do not know. And no it is not just women that work in bars etc. What surprised me about my neighbour saying that was that he knew we were all quite a bit older than her and was very much about people being around the same age to be in relationships. Also as he knew and I said was I use to be use to lots of women being friendly like that. Lots of people have seen women being friendly like that to me and some even giving their numbers and asking me to ring them as it use to happen a lot but then everyone suddenly seems to have memory loss and to forget that like that use to happen to me a lot. Now the neighbour I mentioned still remembers that as we spoke about it the other day in reference to the other guy that pulled her across the bar and kissed her on cheek as example of what he was like and also about trying to have a conversation about photography. By the way I am sure most women would say their husbands and boyfriends are more attractive as they should as they are with them. And if everything was just about looks the world be a simpler place. Then a woman I was at Chelsea School of Art with turned around to me when I told her I had brothers and sisters and said she had never met anyone like me, as she seemed to think I was quite amazing, and could not imagine me having brothers or sisters. I do wonder if my ex’s thought that way about me, I know some did because they told me so. Not sure about Gill or one or 2 others. Though 2 of Gill’s older sisters did seem to think about me that way as one propositioned more than once and another, supposedly the most beautiful one in the family told me if I left Gill we could then be a relationship. No I do not think most women find me attractive I am surprised some do as I do not find them in the least attractive but then I also have had a number of women who I did find stunning who made it clear they wanted to be with me. Things do not always work out though, bad timing etc. Then why didn’t I leave Gill for Brenda her older, think she 28 at the time and more beautiful sister who told me if I left Gill she wanted to be with me. Well that would be poor Gill sob sob cry cry syndrome though the wisest decision would have been to leave Gill and even if Brenda changed her mind I would have been free of Gill poor poor cry cry sob all over me Gill. Brenda was 5 or 6 years older than me at the time and seemed sane and much more mature than loony poor poor cry all over me Gill and Brenda would have been my preference out of the 2. And Brenda unlike Gill I would think would tell the truth.

Everything for me has always been about the work, whether ideas art fashion photography thought. the work and the quality of it. Everything should go on the work ones produces and how good that is.

If one does not pursue truth and knowledge does ones life have any meaning.

I didn’t quite realise until more recently how people that know next to nothing and have very basic thinking think they know things they have no knowledge. But then they get into their groups and tell and listening to each other lying and think it makes things true or knowledgeable.

Fake knowledge based on belief rather than fact is meaningless.

On many occasions through my life I have been told what a lucky man I was because of the woman I was with, one I was in a relationship with at that particular time. I might not have thought I was lucky for various reasons. Surely if I was lucky to be with them they were lucky to be with me. Another reason would be no matter how physically beautiful they were if they did not make me happy how was I lucky.

One thing that has recurred through my life is sometimes when a woman younger than me has made it very clear they like me or want to be with me and I do not want to be with them they seem to take it as an insult. It does not happen all the time but has happened a number of times where sometimes they even say to me they are young and beautiful and I am older how could I not want to be with them. When I told Arielle / Ava that I would be more comfortable with her if she was 28 she did not seem to take it well. Though she was far from the only woman that has acted that way. Then with Arielle because I knew she was lying about somethings not realising at the time it was virtually everything just before she disappeared on me I had asked her to prove at least some of the things she had told me which might sound harsh but if she was telling the truth and loved me as she claimed should hardly have been a problem. She claimed she wanted to but never did and then disappeared with the last thing she ever said to me is she still felt like dying. Which left me wondering if she was going to kill herself. Which as I was later informed by one of her ex’s was very typical of her as was lying and trying to destroy an ex’s life. Then she is not alone among women doing that for whatever reason they feel upset with me. Though I have also loved intelligence and beauty. Beauty if only on the outside and something twisted on the inside is repulsive. Then many whether men or women seem to be twisted on the inside whether they are beautiful on the outside or not.

To be beautiful on the inside is one of the rarest things of all, whatever one looks like on the outside. Then I think many people realise that and then lie to themselves as well as others about what they are really like.

Then I did speak quite a bit to Eve about Arielle / Ava. Eve told me their were women that enticed men to be with them and then claimed they wanted to save themselves until they married expecting the men to shower them in gifts. Which did make me laugh as apart from anything else I spent a few £100’s on meals and take-aways for me and Arielle / Ava and as she claimed she wanted to write I bought her one of my favourite books for her birthday present. Though she did mention in the future she wanted and island and handmaidens to look after her as she was a queen. Arielle did think she was a queen rather than a princess as she made abundantly clear on more than one occasions as she dismissed with derision women that wanted to be treated like princesses. I wonder now that I know she was with Graff and his family were billionaires if he did not satisfy her cravings with supplying her with money enough to buy whatever she wanted including an island.

Then there is far more to say about Eve and all the other discussions we had on many different subjects. Also she didn’t quite understand why Arielle / Ava wanted to marry me and wanted me to meet her mother. Then unless Arielle / Ava changes and starts telling the truth rather than a string of lies will we know though more importantly should anyone care, well anyone with a functioning brain. I still find hard to believe anyone with a modicum of intelligence would believe anything Arielle / Ava said about anything. I was always more confused about what she was lying about and what she might be telling the truth about as I realised she lied about many things it was only after an ex of hers got in touch with me I realised she lied about virtually everything. Then just believing anything anyone says man woman is a huge mistake without some kind of proof which only a truly stupid person would do. Then for some unknown reason people do seem to believe a beautiful woman and having been in relationships with a few that constantly lied hoping to keep me with them I find that even more surprising. As for most people they lie because there is nothing else to them as they do nothing of note and they hate hardly existing. Which I didn’t not understand or realise to more recently and find incredibly sad but does answer a number of questions.

Then Eve cracked me up when she told me what she thought about virginity. Also when I told her Arielle’s full name which I never had she got back to me and said she was on a website all about pretty liars and was known internationally as a pathological liar and full of shit.

Then Eve was not only intelligent but could think most people might think that that was obvious but I have met a number of intelligent people that have trouble thinking, let alone others. I also never realised how desperate so many people were to be ‘someone’ rather than ‘no-one’. Then Charli Howard was quite fascinating in that regard and the many communications over a few years he sent to me. Most of the people that are classed as ‘someone’ I have met well the intelligent ones spend money and time trying to get away from being continually seen and having people prying and spying on them. Then one of the last conversations I had with Gill I asked her if I became a famous artist what would she say, she told me she would say “I knew him once.” Ermmm. O if you are wondering about Charli one of the first things she ever told me about herself was that she was so stupid she once washed up a metal dustbin lid thinking it was a wok. Virtually every else she told me after that just went further and further downhill in regard to what she was like, including what her family told her what she was like. Charli once text me saying I could expect to see her in The Sun newspaper as she was going out with an Indian pop star. I never had the heart to tell her I never read The Sun and didn’t think it was impressive in the least one way or another. Then the last phone call I ever had from Charli and what she had been doing that summer which distressed her and made me feel sick I will not repeat here and now. Trying to help fucked up people I should never do as it just makes me feel serious bad about most of the human race. Though if I find out Charli has been lying about me and slagging me off she should remember I really do remember everything she told me about herself which is very far from a pretty story. I tried to help Charli because I felt sorry for her I really need to stop feeling sorry for people, and have been trying to do that and be more analytical which I am probably much better at and is far more constructive. I am also more than aware why she was never going to be a high-end fashion model even though the bar for that is not as high as most people think, there were multiple reasons. In case you do not understand being brilliant is one thing being famous is different. As another fashion model once mentioned to me some people become famous because of talent and is merely a byproduct of talent most though have a drive to be famous for being famous sake which is meaningless and without merit, which is actually a celebrity. Celebrity being famous for being famous rather than having talent of any kind.

Most of my life people have asked who I am and I always use to say nobody, they have virtually all turned around and told me they did not believe me as I was obviously somebody. I said but I am nobody to you so does it matter.

When I was at art school university in Wales a woman I knew was rather ill and I offered to drive her home. A friend so why not apart from anything I like driving. She lived in the north and the nigh we arrived she insisted on taking me for a pub crawl. Not really my kind of thing but she made it sound fun. So she took me around several pubs in her home town walking from place to place. each pub she gave a tag too. One she called ‘the hairdressers’ pub. I wonder if you can workout why before I tell you. I told this story including the other pubs and what she called them to someone quite recently. They immediately knew why she called it the hairdressers pub and what kind of people were in it. As a clue let’s say it has to do with the level of intelligence and the level of vanity (narcissism). The intelligence level being generally low and the level of vanity being very high. 

Then an interesting thing about talking with some of the women that modelled for me was an insight or what I thought might be an insight into what was wrong with Gill. Though now as I take more onboard of what I already knew and apply it with even newer knowledge it is enlightening not just about Gill or other women but about people in general. It almost feels like I already knew most of this when I was 17 or so and first did a psychology course to go along with my art but just refused to believe that was the case.Though again Eve or thinking of Brenda might be more poignant to do with a maturity of mind rather than age. As I have since realised people getting older has nothing to do with increased wisdom the ability to think or anything else, in fact many people I have met just seem to get more bitter and twisted with age rather than better people.

Then thought or belief built on rotten or repulsive foundations whether person or cultural no matter how much they are worked or refined does not remove the rotten or repulsive foundations that make them meaningless also dangerous and having no part in any kind of good future.

Then most people often seem as primitive and ignorant as they were 10,000 years ago with just a veneer of civilisation and learning on them and in many cases a very thin veneer of either. Most with hardly any progression evolution or development. I suppose to put it more clearly for most troglodytes playing with technology mobile phones or driving expensive cars does not change them from being troglodytes. of course it would be wonderful if people proved that wrong and actually started being honest and seeking truth and knowledge. One problem being if 9 tenths of humanity lied and thought by doing so being a majority it would make it true they would be sadly mistaken as it would still be a lie and false.

Then from what I have experienced most men think they are far more than they are and even if I say I am nobody many have still wanted to make and problem for me. Which for me shows their insecurity and own anxieties. Women I always expected better of but through time most have shown they are no different.

Then I failed it somewhat strange networking in fashion. I was continually told I should work with better stylist, clothes stylists that is. I met a number often in bars over drinks. Unlike many areas art and fashion often meet up in bars or cafes not offices. One when we met up told me it was like having a blind date which I thought was a bit off as for me it was about work and what work either of us produced nothing else. Then she turned around and said she didn’t think much of my fashion photography which I found funny as that was slightly different than other clothes stylist who had much better reputations than her, really liked much work. Problem being none of the bigger stylist would shoot with me unless I had a large international paying commission. Then again on social media trying to network and get people interested in working with me to enlarge my fashion photography portfolio I often had off reactions. One asked me if I would post a poem on their page which I thought was hilarious but did it anyway because I thought it was funny. What they thought I had not a clue but the were supposedly an up coming fashion clothes stylist but I thought it was funny. What you might not understand is I have known fashion people since I was at tech college when I was 17 and most fashion people should from what I had gathered be jumping up and down at the chance of working with an artist that shoots fashion. Well one that had been listed academically as a YBA Young British Artist and shown with world famous artists, that is without how good my fashion photography was supposed to be. Maybe something about fashion and the ‘hairdressers’ pub that that woman took me to on a pub crawl. Lots of insecurity and overinflated egos in fashion and less talent than they think. But a few fashion kept on saying I should network more. In fact one of the weirdest was when I went to a friends, artist friends opening and it turned out all the women serving the drinks and carry around trays of food and drinks were fashion people who claimed they were stylists. With one of them I talked to I suggested she added me on LinkedIn her reaction was very strange. As she turned around and said “So you are the go to man for connections.” I said no I have a lot of different connections on my LinkedIn and if you look you can connect with any of them you want to irrespective of whether you link connect with me. I was thinking more fashion connections what her agenda and attitude was was hers not mine. For me it is about the work. I decided to pop into a few of the fashion modelling agencies that had offered me models in the past and meet them face to face and have a proper conversation. One of the agencies I went into was actually a small boutique one a friend who was a international fashion model was represented by. I talked to the 3 women at the agency including the director and owner. The director and owner after looking at my fashion photography asked me why I was shooting fashion. I said because it is fun working in teams is fun and want to make money from it. She turned around and said about one of my photographs in particular that she would hang that on her wall at home, something she wouldn’t do with fashion photography normally. Which is why she questioned me shooting fashion as she thought my photography was a bit of a higher level than that. She also didn’t understand why I was not getting large paid commissions as if shooting fashion she thought I was at the top end. Then the fashion editor screaming down the phone at me who supposedly loved my fashion photography saying “I know photographers who have been shooting for 20 years and they will never get asked to shoot for a magazine like that.” Many fashion photographers do not necessarily go to art or fashion school / university but assist already known fashion photographers and learn to shoot like them. If you were to pick up most fashion magazines most of the photography looks like it could all of been shot by the same photographer and even the ones that look a bit more interesting are often copied from other photographers from the past. Which is obvious if one knows a lot about photographic history and different photographers. When I started shooting fashion I was surprised by the reaction I got and how highly people that actually knew something about photography and had worked with some of the biggest contemporary fashion photographers rated my fashion photography. But it also seemed to piss off a lot of fashion people were more use to grinding away for years and to put it one way sucking up to get on as they actually lacked talent and originality, something I apparently had ‘in spades’. Then it was not only fashion people that were pissed off by that. Then dealing with people that are not that intelligent talented or knowledgeable but with massive egos is not that easy what ever they do or background they come from. Why maybe I have got on better with people that are actually really good at what they do in general as many do not need massive egos as they have ability and talent and are rather secure in what they can do. Then the same can be said about virtually all my relationships they loved that they thought I was brilliant but also hated it in whatever field they thought if my work. Then it also surprised me when James who I was at Middlesex started telling me he was only a hack as he was a graphic designer and owned and run his own agency with his fellow director. I had never commented on his work so did not understand why he started telling me he was just a hack, as in just making not very interesting things to make money. But then later started telling me I was not an artist even though he had on at least a few occasions virtually called me a genius and had also gone to my exhibition when I showed with Damien Hirst and Banksy et al and also knew all the way from art school how highly I was rated. Though I could say much more of my interactions with James maybe later. One could say so much for old friends, then James I expected far more from and of. After all James is rather intelligent unlike many who are not and think they are and seem to think they know things they are clueless about and then lie to try to cover themselves. definitely not something I would expect from James. Then one person that knows fuck all telling another person that knows fuck all I have never been particularly impressed by especially when they are just spreading lies. I have always wanted to open up the world of ideas and knowledge not shut it down.

Then the first step on knowledge and truth is understanding how little one knows. Something most people fail in their ignorance and arrogance. Being intelligent helps as well. Then most people do not even seem to understand that there are different levels of raw intelligence. Then a lot of people seem to think memorising things is intelligence, which it is not, intelligence comes in when it comes to understanding and comprehending knowledge not memorising it. Then the same can be said about experience as most people have very limited experience and tend to stay within their comfort zone and then think they know things they do not, ignorance and arrogance again and a small angle of perspective.

Reflection on being English or Scottish etc… It is not being about being born in either country it is about being part of the culture of those countries not just their histories but their ideas. Looking to Scotland or England particularly it is not mainly about things the battle of Waterloo it is looking at the last 500 years or so about the world of ideas and The European Enlightenment science philosophy thought art culture. Now culture is not a static thing but trying to add retrograde aspects too highly advanced ideas or cultures does a disservice to them to put it mildly. Which is interesting where there have been so many attempts to say England Britain and Europe do not have definitive cultures, though implying other do. I saw an article about the current Prime Minister Sunak, who was never elected on Britains relationship with China and called it alien to British culture and saying that India was not an alien culture to English or British. Now the only link that makes India culture have more connections to English or British culture is actually the Raj and India being part of the British Empire which at the moment with most of the current ideas on history and cultures is a very negative connections which makes it rather an odd or unusual claim by Sunak. Then with Sunak being the current Prime Minister as made just by the conservative party many that I have spoken think is much more to do with money, and not just his own or rather mostly his wife fortune which together totals over £700 million which makes many people feel that the Prime Ministership of Britain was sold and bought. Though coming back to that idea of more connection with India than China that also comes back to a very interesting conversation I had with the Indian man in a coffee shop that I thought was in his late 60’s but was actually 92/93 years old and born in India during the British Raj and having lived through it his very different take than most people have on it including most contemporary historians who as he pointed out totally overlook the situation across the Indian subcontinent before the Raj though I will talk about that later. But coming back to Sunak so he uses a connection that many currently denounce as a justification. One should also think on our neighbours our fellow Europeans and the EU which is one of the richest and most powerful blocks in the world and rich with European and European Enlightenment heritage and culture as Britain is. Another thing to ponder on is the notion that Britain England etc should change it culture and heritage to fit in with minorities rather than they if living here and wanting to be British or English changing to fit with the countries heritage which is much more sophisticated and advanced in most if not all areas including philosophy ideologies sciences etc. Well if one not count supposed shaman mystics and cults, but they hardly advance culture and thought in fact the exact opposite and are divisive hostile and deleterious. Though if we take into account the European Enlightenment science and invention Britain and China have more historical, and contemporary links. Unless Sunak is referring to democracy which is another thing the British took to the Indian subcontinent along with much else. Though I will talk about the very interesting conversation with with the Indian man who lived through the Raj etc and by the way chose to live in England rather than Indian or anywhere else, you could always search the history of the Indian subcontinent including not just trade but massacres though the one preBritish Raj are massive even looking on the Wikipedia they are seriously played down, wonder why. though they Indian man I spoke would let us say dislike to see England or Britain go the same way that India did post independence.

Then we have the London mayor Sadiq Khan who seem to think everyone is proud that London is full of people from around the world to the extent that many people visiting London wonders if they are in England or Britain at all or in another country in the world. And if anyone questions that they are racist as it is so easy particularly at the moment to throw that around. So is most of Britain happy about that or even the vast majority of Londoners. Also since he is so proud of being Muslim maybe he alt to look at the real history of Islam going back to its foundations as it has much more to do with what Islamic State did in Iraq and Syria and other parts of the world than his mystic peaceful interpretations. I was quite shocked by how many people on social media who supported Islamic State in European countries including Britain and England. 

Then maybe Sadiq Khan should read one of the most intelligent people that the human race has produced and a friend of another Einstein and think and rethink his ideas, as I did use to think Sadiq Khan was intelligent, not so sure now.

“Over a billion people believe in Allah without truly knowing what Allah supposedly stands for or what he really demands of them. And the minority that do understand continue to be Moslems because they have redefined their morality and ethics to fit within the teachings of Islam, which are floridly lacking in morality. They therefore redefine what is good and evil in order to fit their lives into what is preached by Islam, instead of examining Islam to see if it fits within the good life. Backwards thinking, imposed by a backward religion.” Bertrand Russell

This is one of the things Islamic State IS ISIS erc did in Iraq and Syria and also historically how Islam spread from Saudi Arabia…

“Yazidis [were] shot and thrown like refuse into pits; men and boys beheaded in front of their families; girls as young as eight subjected to gang rape; beatings; forced conversions; torture; slavery. In a camp I visited, a woman who had been raped for an entire year, then shot in the head when her owner grew tired of her, then finally sold back to her husband, lay curled in a foetal ball in a makeshift tent, rocking and moaning to herself.”

As you can see very peaceful and benevolent and that is what Islam has been like for most of its existence including from its foundations. Not the Disney version most people seem to want to propagate now. That is one problem with a the idea of something progressing if it ever did, it can go back to its roots so easily. Then one does have to wonder if Sadiq Khan is wilfully ignorant and stupid or has intent to see the population of London displaced and celebrate it. Islam is the most revolting rotten and repulsive religion still wisely practised from its roots to the modern day, though anyone with with any kind of intelligence should read Bertrand Russell on any religion among others one could read. Then anyone could actually read some real history, just an idea.

Then I know of one woman that is accusing me of something who told me she was raped by a Pakistani muslim who was 21 when she was 14 and then went out with him. Just one of the things she tried to dump on me which pissed me off among the shit she told me about her fucked off life. Not sure if I was supposed to sympathise with her rather than being angry, I mean apart from anything I had only met her once before and did I want to know that along with the rest of her shit. Not sure how any of that makes it my fault in anyway. Not a friend someone I was working with. Then everyone wants to seem to blame older white men for everything whether they had nothing to do with anything or not. Who is I would assume mentally ill from what I experienced. Then there are many mentally ill people and people really need to be wary of them what they do and what they say. I have come across a few recently and realise sympathy or empathy does not help, and they seriously need professional help and medication, why of the reasons I am not a fan of care in the community.

I have spent most of my life being creative philosophical and ethical, the ethics of the European Enlightenment and its evolution not some fucked up belief system. Though it does surprise me how many people want to be destructive. Which would include people spreading lies about me specifically. Then anyone that knows me well knows I talk through things and have conversations and try to compromise if possible even when angry.

Then why would people want to spread lies about me specifically. Well, pissed off ex’s or other people I have known. Particularly when I started writing this blog when I became aware people were spreading lies about me using social media. But what surprised me was how many people seem to know about my original blog called Thundering through the desert being chased by a pack of wild dogs… and which caused 100’s of people to come down to Mykonos old port and call out ‘Odysseus’ and ‘Beauty’ / ‘Handsome’. Something I am sure would piss my ex’s off and many others because an older white man not only this happening to but the influence it would have including not being religious, atheist, and not having a problem with people being gay men or women or women’s sexuality which does seem bother many both men and women. Plus I was into the environment. That is without being a world class artist and fashion photographer. Unlike me and if any of my ex’s were successful which I would be pleased about, they I am pretty sure would hate if I were and even if people liked me. Then there ar many others including the religious which does seem to have cropped up quite a lot including them spreading lies about me further and of course that weird thing in 2015 when I was back in London and the oil guy by my car telling me oil had dropped by 50%. Through much of my life people have turned to me thinking I can sort out their problems not sure why or seemingly to think their fucked up lives are some how my responsibility even though I have nothing to do with it. Though being chased through the desert by wild dogs did happen it is also a rather apt metaphor having trash yapping at my heels with more and more lies. Well and other trash upset because things do not really happen in their lives good or bad but they just exist rather than live to paraphrase Oscar Wilde.

I remember a conversation with Bernadette where I said a lot of art people seem to be mentally ill. She replied yes but they are more interesting though. Those various problems with this they also seem to think they are good at art because of it, the the same can be said for fashion though maybe more so. Then the general population one can probably say the same for. then a few people at different times have asked me do I like mentally ill women as I seem to have met a lot of them, I replied no the problem being they pretend they are not and until I realise and find out they are. I like intelligent sane healthy people including women I often wonder these days how many are. Also why I am not a fan or ‘normalising’ mental health problems as it is not beneficial for anyone and for culture and society as a whole.

This site appears to be hacked again as lots of the images have gone and lots of about links have appeared. In the process of repairing. then amazing how much is missing from this or how much still needs to be restored and what trash there really is in the world. Also very interesting as apparently hardly anyone has ever looked at this blog since I first put it up in 2015, though moved sites. And the mentally ill that have been diagnosed should really take the medication they have been subscribed it is helpful for everyone. By the way apart from having had a mental health check up personally I have not a problem with 10 or a 100 clinical psychologists or any other mental health expert checking on me. Also having my DNA checked for psychological abnormalities that are active or inactive which I think is very different from most of the world and anyone accusing me of anything. And in case you do not understand all the things about how good I am at art or any other creative field are nothing to do with hype or me, it is what other people including many I do not know have rated my work as which is generally world class and by people that are supposed to be experts in their various fields and others, unlike someone down the pub or hairdressers. Then I think there might be the problem that since many people are not that bright they really do not get that. Then I never quite realised how many people were afraid of the world and the future and just fall back into primitive belief thinking that would save them. The thing I always find funny about that is that if there was an ultimate being what arrogance and ignorance to think they would save you or make you immortal in any sense. I would think it is much more likely they would wipe the slate clean and try again. Though obviously I am not a believer. As for intelligent design if there is they surely fucked up on the whole. Though intelligent design is a pseudoscience. Then as Carl Sagan said the gods of Olympus are as probable as any other gods, and the gods of Olympus as far as Greek myths go were highly capricious.

If the police would have done their job and actually investigated when I went to see them in 2015 on more than one occasion rather than listening to social media and what people say. Then I now realise that the police knew about what was going on back in 2015 when I first went to them. They wouldn’t be in the shit and I wouldn’t have had a problem. And all the morons that have hassled me or attacked me which they also know about wouldn’t have happened which they are also libel for including some of their own trying to pervert the cause of justice. As for just going on what people say or intelligence isn’t important I think that says a lot about them. Or even thinking because a woman cries and says what a bad man someone must be. The police still haven’t properly investigated anything or themselves. Seriously not impressed and as for the women movement saying just believe women more absolute shit. And the idea of just believe women is another perversion of the course of justice. I know with Arielle / Ava absolutely nothing happened for her to accuse me of anything in fact I said to her don’t be with me if you don’t want to and if she was with anyone else after me I didn’t have a problem with that. Even if as I later found out she was seeing people at the same time she was trying to convince me and coercing me to marry for whatever reason she had I was just well out of it or so I thought. It has taken me years to find out what was going on and the trash lying about me. Then the law and justice does not seem to matter to most people including the police which is rather worrying. Nor to the legal profession which is also of concern. If people really want a future when mentally ill people with a history of trying to destroy peoples lives can then that is not a place that will have much future for anyone. When I went to the police in London in 2015 I would have talked about anything they wanted to ask me, maybe stupidly without any legal representation as I was trying to find out what was going on. You see I really am a world class artist and a world class fashion photographer on my work and have no reason to lie about anything. And yes I do realise I piss people of because I am honest, really good at what I do extremely intelligent, extremely well read knowledgeable and educated.

MySpace before Facebook most fashion photographers were on there including most of the most famous in the world at the time. In 2009 MySpace got in touch and asked if they could feature my fashion photography, I was a bit dubious, so they explained they had been featuring famous and legendary American photographers and now wanted to start featuring British and British based photographers. I did explain I had not been on there for ages, though like everyone else I had left my profile on there, as had a number of famous British and British based photographers, including Rankin, Nick Knight, Juergen Teller and Tim Walker and most if not all the others. I had been told names by then. They turned around and said they did not care they loved my fashion photography, and wanted me to kick off and start the featuring of British photographers / fashion photographers as they loved and preferred my work to theirs. I eventually agreed. This being a popular culture reference to my fashion photography. At the time it would have been logging into to FaceBook with this right across the log in page. Was up for about a month I think all for free as they loved my fashion photography.

I was speaking to someone the other day who did not know what The Tate was, Tate Museum that is and realise a lot of people probably won’t get a lot of references. Now because it is on social media a lot and has lots of celebrities attending and particularly go on about the dresses worn by the women it I take many will have heard of the Met Gala or Met Ball, that is held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York hence the Met Gala. Like the New York Museum of Modern Art MOMA or like The Tate in Britain all world famous museums of art.

Gillian when we were together once told me she wanted to be rich. I replied which I thought was humorous at the time ‘you better get a good job then’, which she did not find funny. Gill knew if anyone out of the two of us had the ability and talent to become rich it was me not her. Then Arielle seem to think the same thing which is why she told me she wanted an island and handmaidens when I made lots of money and she was a queen not a princess. I presume neither of them would be happy to put it mildly with me making money from my art and talent if they do not benefit. Gill also mentioned on more than one occasion how jealous she was because of all the things I could do and was extremely good at. The world of ideas. Gill even tried to bring me into the Laban to choreograph her final piece with her as she thought I was a much better choreographer than she was but they said she could not because I was not the student there she was. And because we had had a performance company together before did not make it acceptable for me to work on her final dance piece exam piece. Considering how many women how told me they love me or want to be in a relationship with me or just propositioned me or been my friend I doubt more and more that most will tell the truth, not just women but men who have seen women hit on me or obviously like me. Seem to like me to the extent they have commented on it. Then with Arielle I knew she was lying about somethings, but it was not till after I looked her up online where I was down at my mothers near the mediterranean that I did and was rather upset at what I saw. We spoke on the phone and she started to get some of the photos by other photographers taken down. Arielle sent me a text saying “I know you think I am a sleazy piece of shit.” Which I never did I just really did not like of the photographs people had taken of her. I had once mentioned to her I probably wasn’t interested in going out with a fashion model, and unbeknownst to me at the time she was with a small fashion modelling agency and stopped going to castings and they dropped her. Not that she told me that for sometime and I offered to get in touch with Models1 and the main booker there to see if they wanted to sign her. Arielle said no. I found it strange at the time that she would rather drop the fashion modelling and carry on with the art nude modelling. Though she did tell me she had been paid £200 an hour for nude modelling and I did wonder who would pay that much when the normal rate for art nude was between £10 to £15 an hour which artist normally pay. Then I did not know what else she was doing at the time and it was much later that another ex of hers told me he was having sex with her and so were 5 or 6 other men while she was seeing me, which is almost funny since we were not having sex but she kept on about being with me and marrying me. But after I saw some of the photos of her online was when I asked her to prove at least some of what she had been telling me. I also have text of her telling me she was trying to get together some documentation as proof. Yes again I do realise it sounds harsh to ask for proof but back then I realised I did not know who she was apart from a women that was lying to me about somethings, that kept threatening suicide if we were not together and wanted to be queen of an island. And looking back even saying to some people they are lying can make them hate you, let alone asking for proof of what they say and them then accusing me of thinking them a sleazy piece of shit. Also maybe only buying then a book for their birthday. That is without knowing what I do now Arielle had been diagnosed as a pathological liar narcissist sociopath / psychopath and that she was actually having sex with multiple men while trying to convince me she was all sweetness and light. Now I realise one does not even have to be a sociopath diagnosed or not to spread terrible lies about someone. So many seem to being their children up in such a way as if they feel slighted or insulted whether they are or not to pay back whoever has pissed them off 100 fold. Then I think the majority of the women I have ever been in a relationship with, the last thing they want is for me to be happy when we are no longer together. And some not only not happy but drop nuclear bombs of lies on my life and career. I grew up thinking talking and discussing problems was a way to sort them out and get past them. Also that in a relationship one has to compromise now knowing that I have always sort to talk and work things out I do wonder if every time I should have just walked away when there was a major problem. Then even that way it does not mean an ex would not be angry with me and then try to destroy my life. Turning from mr wonderful to some terrible person because I was unhappy about somethings and wanted to sort them out according to them, the women I was in a relationship with at the time. Many women claim that they are the ones that want to talk things through and work something out, though in my experience that only works if what is worked out is what the women wants irrespective of what I may want, though hopefully that is not the norm.

Russell Hand © ®